Refinery shutdown produces generation of unrefined Scots
'Whit youse lookin' at ya bass?' was the quote from the head of operations at Grangemouth refinery today as the strike entered its second week.
Read full storyPuppy dies after bite from rabid social worker
London - (Shaggy Dog Mess): A cute and cuddly puppy has died after being bitten by a rabid social worker according to reports.
Read full storyAmy Winehouse arrested for refusing sex
Amy Winehouse was arrested by London police after a man made an unwarranted advance on her and she slapped him, according to London police reports.
Read full storyAlphabet Soup Invades White House
The newly formed Bu$h Inc transition team called on help from several agencies as the president, vice-president & their henchthugs prepare to vacate many premises.
Read full storyA Policeman's Lotto is a Happy One!
A syndicate from Thames Valley Police have just won the Euromillions lottery. The 25 member syndicate from the Peckham area have scooped a massive £60 million jackpot which gives each member £2.2 million and a bit of...
Read full storySunday Times Rich List a KGB fantasy like JK Rowling says BigOil pair
London - (Subprime Mess): "Well, it gives me and my lady wife a right laugh each year," Prof V Smart told reporters today, "this fanciful Murdoch rag so-called rich list with its KGB fantasy characters like JK Rowling, the Duke of West...
Read full storyPublisher Wants President Bush To Launch 'Daily Living' Series For Kids
Impressed with his childlike mind, Randome House has been overwhelmed with President Bush's planned offerings for third grade through high-school freshmen level, 'Mr. Bush Teaches' series, as previously reported.
Read full storyWhite House Memo Leaked
The following memoranda was released to the Village Voice last night. White House officials deny the assertions, allegations and mischief outlined in the memoranda. The White House also said it is a policy newer to divulge who works for the CIA, if there is a CIA or where a CIA would be located, if one ever existed.
Read full storyUnited stumble as Fergie takes tumble
Man United manager Alex Ferguson fell over on the ground and muddied the knees of his new suit while celebrating Wayne Rooney's equalizer against Chelsea on Saturday. An image that was beamed all over the world.
Read full storyHarvard Trashes Its MBA Program
An unidentified spokesperson for Harvard University held a press conference at Burden Hall on the Boston, Massachusetts USA campus. With no printed material to hand out, the johannes factotum delivered the following series of terse statements, ad lib, sotto voce, obiter dictum, ex cathedra--with plausible deniability.
Read full storySir Alex shaken, not stirred
Sir Alex Ferguson, father of The Duchess of York and Manchester United manager slipped while celebrating Wayne Rooney's equalizer against Chelsea on Saturday, in front of a worldwide audience.
Read full storyManchester United and Chelsea Managers In Possible 'Fight To The Death'
Manchester United and their closest rivals Chelsea are now level on points at the top of the Premier League, and could well share the title, if reports are true, which they are not.
Read full storyLuxembourg Captures, Colonizes United States
Luxembourg became the proud owner of the world's largest economy after capturing the United States in a short and bloodless war.
Read full storyDutch Man Folds His Mother Into Six Pieces
A Dutch man has caused headaches for scientists by managing to fold his mother in half six times over.
Read full storyThe World Ended - Few Fatalities
The End of the World occurred this morning at approximately 9:30 GMT with surprisingly very few fatalities. Two fishermen drowned in China and a shepherd in New Zealand suffered a heart attack, but those appear to be the only fatalities. "All the...
Read full storyNew US Housing Ordinance Will Allow 20 Chinese Per House
Economists say that the recent U.S. Housing Bubble, in which millions of Americans purchased homes they could not afford, was financed primarily by US deficit dollars, made available from Chinese investors. Now, as millions of those homes lie vacant...
Read full storyScientology prison chaplain scores Doherty scalp
London - (Evangelical Mess): Eschewing traditional godsquad remedies like the Bible, the Koran, the Kabbala and 120 Days of Sodom by the Marquis de Sade Babyshambles singer Pete Doherty has converted to Scientology.
Read full storyGok Wan Accused Of 'Munterphilia' By C4 Bosses
How To Look Good Naked host, Gok Wan, has incurred the wrath of C4 bosses when it emerged that women were being forced to show their fat, ugly bums on TV merely for the depraved sexual pleasure
Read full storyTainted Milk has Explosive Consequences
CHICAGO, IL - A number of angry Chicago residents have filed a class action lawsuit against Midwest Milk, accusing the state's largest dairy producer of allowing thousands of cartons of spoiled milk to bypass quality control tests before...
Read full storyHeadache Remedy Pulled from Market
(Philadelphia PA) Big Pharm giant Blecch Inc. pulled it's 'headache miracle' drug Bizzaro off the market after some unusual side-effects. Some consumers noticed their heads turning into stone monuments.
Read full storyThe World's Ugliest Women Competition is being held in Blackpool
This Saturday night the Grand Final of the Ugliest Women in the World Competition will mean that a record number of viewers will be glued to their Television Sets.
Read full storyTerrell Owens Placed on Mentally Disabled List
DALLAS, TX - Although the start of the NFL season is still more than four months away, the Dallas Cowboys are doubtful that their outspoken star receiver Terrell Owens will be fit to play in the 2008 season.
Read full storyChinese Accuse Dalai Llama of Forcing Each and Every Chinese Leader to Act Like Idiots!
Tibet - Today Chinese Officials, seeking to understand why they can't seem to get a handle on why Tibetans resent their heavy handed governing, accused said Tibetans of forcing them to get "tough".
Read full storyFirst Female Politician Caught in Sex Scandal!
With a near parade of male politicians caught in flagrante de-lick-toe lately, some observers have been posturing, positioning and one or two hypothesizing (not that size matters) as to why female politicians have never placed their mates in the M-Ba...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Moved on to Kevin?
It has been recently reported that actress/ Pop singer Miley Cyrus and Nick Jonas from the Jonas Brothers have broken up.This event has led to some very strange and confusing sightings.
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