Alphabet Soup Invades White House

Funny story written by Walt

Saturday, 26 April 2008

image for Alphabet Soup Invades White House
Let the Democrats put it back together. Hah.

The newly formed Bu$h Inc transition team called on help from several agencies as the president, vice-president & their henchthugs prepare to vacate many premises.

CIA, NSA, DIA, CID, DOJ, INR, DISA, & RNC agents are scouring the offices to find, identify, & gather incriminating evidence that might be used against the administration principals in potential civil & criminal prosecutions after Jan 20, 2009.

Sweep teams work every night at the White House, in the Old Executive Office Building, & undisclosed locations.

At Ft. McNair, Ft. Meade, Ft. Myer, & Ft. Belvoir, technicians are dismantling the undisclosed heart-lung life support systems & getting them ready for shipment to Wyoming, Paraguay, Crawford TX, Dubai & an undisclosed location. The half-filled coffins of Wyoming dirt are being loaded, as is, onto special shipping pallets.

Several massive dumpsters are filled with shredded documents each day & some of the "cleaners" wonder if they'll finish by Jan 8, 2009. The RNC (Republican National Committee) operatives have encountered several obstacles in the processes of deleting trillions of self-serving, cover-your-ass e-mails, messages & data files. One of the biggest problems has been figuring out the passwords of people who have left the administration.

For example, it is thought that former top advisor Karl Rove mis-keystroked his own "TurdB10ssom" so often that they may never access all the ridiculous drivel. Behind the code "TURDB10SSOM" (LEFT THE CAPS KEY ON, dummy) RNC experts found almost 400 e-mails to reporters all over the US divulging the name of Joe Wilson's wife. With only one reply to the message, from codename "Count Novakula," they can't figure out the lack of response. One theory is that the republican party spam filter rejected all reply messages from actual, known, authentic journalists. The strange "Novakula" came through because there are no media people by that name.

Another pesky problem has been trying to read information on a huge number of the monitors that are partially obscured by daubs of white-out on the screens.

The most disastrous challenge, though, has been in the Oval Office. As bad luck would have it, the President spells words sort of, kind of, mostly the way he pronounces them. As a result, NSA functionaries have to play old audiotapes, listen carefully to the fractured English, make guesses as to the approximate fake phonetic spelling & then search for the files. It's easy to imagine the confusion with such spellings as "nukuler," "nookyuler," "nukular," etc., on the file names.

In any event, it is very nearly a certainty that nothing will get to the presidential library that could possibly implicate any of the top 20 or so overlords in the Bu$h crime family. Away from the big offices, though, the orcs & trolls are on their own.

When asked why not delete & destroy everything, a spokesman stated that they don't want the new administration claiming and then showing the news media that Bush xliii & his co-conspirators spent 8 years doing absolutely nothing. "After all, we're leaving the unclassified documents about our legacies on Iraq, Katrina, $9 trillion in debts--and more out to as far as the eye can see--and the subprime $600 billion bailout."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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