A Policeman's Lotto is a Happy One!

Written by IN SEINE

Saturday, 26 April 2008

image for A Policeman's Lotto is a Happy One!
A Policeman's Lot

A syndicate from Thames Valley Police have just won the Euromillions lottery. The 25 member syndicate from the Peckham area have scooped a massive £60 million jackpot which gives each member £2.2 million and a bit of pocket money.

It is expected that every single member will resign within the next week or so; which will pose a bit of a policing problem around the Peckham 'manor'.

Local MP Rodney Trotter said; "Burglary, rapes, shootings, stabbing and robberies will quadruple and traffic offences are set to spiral out of control until we can recruit and train some more officers. Of course we did do a risk assessment of this happening and the report came back as extremely unlikely, but now it has happened for real. We are now in talks with union reps to limit the size of syndicates to a maximum of ten to ensure this doesn't happen again."

Syndicate manager P.C. Reg Hollis who is not so young, but still free and single and now filthy rich, told In Seine News;

"I have organised this for the last five years and we have never won even a tenner, and all of a sudden our numbers come up. Were all multi-millionaires now; it's great 'cos we can all buy villas, cars, yachts etc with our money. I choose a different set of numbers each week in the presence of at least two other syndicate holders and use my lucky truncheon, 'Smasher' to pick them. I broke the good news to all the other officers during lunch break today and by the end of the week we shall have gone."

Desk Sgt Oscar Blaketon, also one of the winners and a career policeman of 30 years said;
"The wife and I are going to buy a cosy Bed and Breakfast in Whitby; this has been our dream and we can now afford to do it. It has come at the right time - at the beginning of the tourist season. We are having a big party at an unnamed hotel next Friday then we're off."

Peckham has now been made a no-go area by Mayor of London, Ken Livingstone.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more