London - (Subprime Mess): "Well, it gives me and my lady wife a right laugh each year," Prof V Smart told reporters today, "this fanciful Murdoch rag so-called rich list with its KGB fantasy characters like JK Rowling, the Duke of Westmonster and Lord Levy. Pathetic really."
Smart was being interviewed by the London editor of BigOilShagger magazine ahead of publication tomorrow of the annual Sunday Times Who's Who in Serious & Disorganised Crime, a.k.a. as the Rich List.
The updated league table names former top KGB arsonist and bomb-making equipment supervisor Lakshmi Mittal as the UK's richest stooge with assets of around £27.5 billion.
"That's a good one!" Smart chortled.
"Just remember what the Lord Chief Justice said last month when Heather Mills claimed her husband Paul McCartney was worth over £800 million after she'd see the valuation in the Sunday Times!
"A fantasist and a liar! That's what he said in open court after agreeing the numbers are always blown up by over 100% to make the delisional list compiler Dr Philip Beresford feel he really has some self-worth as a financial sleuth, hahaha."
This year's list does not appear to bother Smart in the slightest although he clearly enjoys thumbing through its pages while taking an early morning dump.
"Personally, the wife and I have spent the equivalent of the entire GDP of Estonia to keep our BigOil $$$s out of these rankings," Smart continued.
"Value for money I call it. Got their asses tied up in such a knot not even the US Dept of Justice knows what to do with us anymore...
"Not they ever could since we sued Bush and Clinton for hiring a hitman to assassinate us for the Sovereign Wealth Funds back in 2001....
"Well next week we're going to blow the entire charade to smiterheens and sue their fetid asess in the US Supreme Court!
"Ta Ra! Hope you enjoy the spectacle!"
Arman Hammer was a GOP stooge.