Next Little King Gig - Uranus!
Forget the plans for the Roosevelt Hotel, in La La Land,Ca; the elf formerly known as a singer/guitar playing Jehovah's Witness says he wants to take his show on the road, to Uranus!...
Read full storyProstitutes Rally for Price Supports
Austin, TX - Thousands of angry prostitutes descended on the state capital building in Austin, Texas yesterday, decrying unfair competition and calling on legislators to enact stricter regulations on sexual activity in the state. Organizers chanted...
Read full storyBP shuts down another Proud Ho Bay pipeline
Anchorage, Alaska - (Ass Mess): British oil giant BP has been forced to close down yet another processing facility named after Secretary of State Condi Rice.
Read full storyGay Flamingos Get Go Ahead to Adopt
Homosexual birds all over the world are celebrating today after a pair of gay flamingos were allowed to adopt a chick. Carlos and Fernando, who have been a couple for five years have finally got the go ahead to start their own family at the Wildfowl...
Read full storyGutted Cutty Sark to be Rebuilt and Relaunched Within A Year
The gutted wreck of famous tea clipper The Cutty Sark will be rebuilt and relaunched within one year the Cutty Sark Restoration Society has today pledged.
Read full storyBill Gates scraps his 360 for a PS3
It has been reported that Bill Gates, CEO of Microsoft Corporation Worldwide has purchased a brand new Sony PlayStation 3 60GB. Despite him owning the company that fronts the PS3's main opposition, the xBox 360, He has purchased one in favour of...
Read full storyTiny Penis Exclusive
Mick Jagger is reported to be "dumbfounded" that the size of his penis should be a talking point by his former US girlfriend Janice Dickinson.
Read full storyDemocrats Battle Over Minimum Wage: Barack Obama at $50/hour
Barack Obama today announced his support for a $50/hour minimum wage, as the competition among Democrats heats up for the Presidency.
Read full storyGrafitti Artist Banksy Knocks Out A Quick One
Hot on the heels of the success of his Great Britons award, graffiti artist Banksy, is at it again.
Read full storyBBC In Shake-up As New Broom Looks Set To Sweep Clean
It's all change at the BBC as a new broom looks set to sweep clean.
Read full storyMan From Bognor Just Can't Beat The Blues
A man from Bognor Regis in Scotland is at the end of his tether, for try as he might, he just can't seem to shake his chronic depression.
Read full storyObesity time bomb causes concern.
Europe, RootArse: - Healthcare officials across Europe have called for an inquiry and independent survey of fatties and blubber butts, due a recent increase in the amount of complete porkers seen wandering the street...
Read full storyOutrage as Hitler moustache sample set goes on sale!
London ASS' Press: - Oxford Street was rocked today as customers stayed away in droves from the unveiling of a new line of facial mirkins and hairpieces.
Read full storyPrince Harry to be sold on eBay
Close on the heels of the will-he, won't-he go to Iraq debacle comes an astonishing revelation from Prince Harry's closest friend, Everett Houghtonfeathers-Slobbersleigh, (pronounced Howley).
Read full storyFootball Association To Award FA Cup To Manchester United After Goal Gaff!
Reports are emerging this morning that the Football Association have stripped Chelsea of the FA Cup and have instead awarded it to Manchester United after Didier Drogba's goal was deemed as invalid.
Read full storyNew ominous portent strikes Alaska's Corrupt Bastards Club
Anchorage - (Ass Mess): Alaska's self-professed Corrupt Bastards Club is reeling from shock from a new ominous portent that follows on barely weeks after CBC grandee and ex-State legislator Bruce Weyhrauch fell off his boat into the freezing wate...
Read full storyAbramovich & Glazers To Switch Clubs?
According to embryonic reports emerging from Manchester and London, Roman Abramovich and the Glazer family are to switch clubs in an unprecedented swap deal.
Read full storyAntiques Roadshow claims cut of Spanish galleon treasure
London - (Ass Mess): The BBC's Antiques Roadshow is embroiled in the controversy surrounding commission payments over a shiprwreck treasure find of an estimated 500,000 Colonial-era silver and gold coins worth up to $500 million.
Read full storyEinstein Was from Texas!
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Albert Einstein, it was found, wrote for Mark Lowton Sr, TheSpoof.com Editor's father, in his underground magazine, The Poof. There is also evidence that Einstein was from Texas!...
Read full storyMars Devastated by Global Warming
PASADENA (AP Newsliar) -- Scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) offered startling new evidence today that mankind's out-of-control CO2 production has already devastated the fragile ecology of Mars.
Read full storyPrince Philip 'gutted' by Cutty Sark arson
London - (Ass Mess): Prince Philip has visited the charred remains of the Cutty Sark today and told reporters he is gutted by reports that the former clipper may now be scuttled and the remains sold off as barbecue fuel.
Read full storySeismic faultlines discovered under Scientologists' New Mexico landing strip
New Mexico - (Ass Mess): Seismologists have warned that landing strip markings etched into the New Mexico desert near the Scientologists' nuclear bunker housing L Ron Hubard's holy of holies correspond to newly discovered geophysical fault li...
Read full storyCorrupt Bastards Club hired Lugovoi to poison Litvinenko
London - (Ass Mess): The US oil industry's Corrupt Bastards Club hired ex-KGB thug Andrei Lugovoi to poison London-based former KGB turncoat Alexander Litvinenko according to the Crown Prosecution Service which is seeking to extradite the Russian...
Read full storyFDA Approves Pill to Give Men Monthly Periods
TRENTON, NJ (Reuters) - The FDA has found a simple way to allow men to have a menstrual period and has just given its approval of a pill designed to let men have monthly bleeding indefinitely.
Read full storyJimmy Carter Says His Bush Comments Were 'Careless'
PLAINS (AP) -- Former President Jimmy Carter has said his comments over the weekend about the Bush administration were "careless."...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush A Corrupt Bastard At Last
JEWKNOW, ALASKA (ANCHORAGE DAILY NOOZ)--No sooner had the guilty pleas start rolling out like the heads which will roll later, that the cocaine-snorting, story-sniffing noses of Hollywood writers began to descend upon the ice-cold g...
Read full storyJohnny Depp to blame as Pirates halt food aid shipments.
Deliveries of food aid to Somalia by sea have been halted, after an attempt by pirates dressed as pirates to seize a ship chartered by the UN food relief agency.
Read full storyDavid Hicks (suspected Aussie terrorist) released into Australian Custody
Guantanamo Bay, Cuba - Australian born, thirty-one-year-old, David Mathew Hicks, was among the first of Bush's war on terrorism prisoners to face war tribunal charges and convicted of material support to terrorism last March. He was sentenced to...
Read full storyChina pulls out of trade talks over US human rights issues.
A high-level Chinese delegation has arrived in the US for two days of talks on trade and economic co-operation and to question The White House about its less than lily white human rights reputation.
Read full storyNATO's Afghanistan Bloodbath Defended
CRAWFORD, TEXAS (Reuters) - President Bush and the Secretary-General of NATO finally gave up defending the bloodthirsty, warmongering NATO alliance on Monday in the face of skyrocketing civilian deaths in Afghanistan, arguing that NATO troops "h...
Read full storyThe Windsors. A Simple Tale Of Everyday Folk
Sensational news breaking today from Buckingham Palace. First it was the Osbournes, then Katy and Peter let the cameras in, and now the latest docusoap to hit our screens will be the Windsors.
Read full storyStanford Law School Professor wins right to sell her legal expertise/practice law online through LawBot™ avatar
In a narrowly-decided 3-2 decision, the 9th Circuit Appeals Court, meeting in San Francisco and with jurisdiction in the nine westernmost U.S. states (and Guam), today ruled in favor of appellant Lisa Jacobson (Countess) Radford. Radford is an Associ...
Read full storyBush Says He Defends "That Stupid Fascist Crook" Gonzales
WASHINGTON (AP) - Lame duck President Bush says he still defends "that stupid Republican fascist crook" Alberto Gonzales as he admitted that Democrats in Congress who are seeking a no-confidence vote are simply "doing the right thing.&...
Read full storyUS Gas Prices Soar to $25 / Gallon
A sudden, and dramatic surge in oil prices, Tuesday, resulted in prices at the pump reaching a record $25 per gallon, throughout most of the United States. The nationwide hike in prices followed an announcement this week, by the newly formed HOPEC...
Read full storyHumpback whales Escorted Back to Pre-designated Protest Zone - The Pacific Ocean: Future Dead Zone?
Sacramento, California - Although still at a loss for an explanation as to the reason why the two Humpback whales, a mother and her calf, took a wrong turn up the Sacramento river in California, marine biologists are nevertheless relieved to discover...
Read full storyIraq War Ends: Terrorists Surrender
The Iraq war ended yesterday when the terrorists surrendered en masse. Baghdad was flooded with tens of thousands of insurgents who all handed in their arms at the edge of the green zone.
Read full storyStar Terror on Airplane: Britney Sings
Passengers were struck with terror yesterday when star Britney Spears began singing on a United Airlines flight from Los Angeles to Orlando.
Read full storyCourt Charges Britney Spears
A court in Orlando today charged Britney Spears today with engaging in deceptive consumer practices in violation of Florida's General Business Law. The charges arise out of Spears' alleged lip-synching at the House of Blues club.
Read full storyBishop of Southwark absolved
The Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams has absolved one of his top bishops after he went on a booze-fuelled walkabout last December.
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