Anchorage - (Ass Mess): Alaska's self-professed Corrupt Bastards Club is reeling from shock from a new ominous portent that follows on barely weeks after CBC grandee and ex-State legislator Bruce Weyhrauch fell off his boat into the freezing waters around Auke Bay triggering a bizarre sequence of events resulting in the arrest of seven CBC members on graft charges.
Weyhrauch's accident was followed by the subsequent near capsize of the Empress of the North pleasure-cruiser, in a new weird twist of fate that struck the area sending shivers of dread to the northernmost tip of the GOP-dominated oil industry heartland.
And now yet another sign from the cosmos has caused panic and dread among doomwatchers already reeling from recent events.
"As portents go, this one's a stunner," local commentator Mr Dave Walrus said today referring to events at Anchorage Zoo where a solitary 25 year old African elephant called Maggie suffered two inexplicable falls last week that left her helpless and severely winded.
The female pachyderm, who is named after UK Prime Monster Margaret Thatcher, arrived in 1983 after being saved from an culling operation and lived at Anchorage with a female companion called Annabelle, who had been dumped in Alaska after being malignly used in a toilet paper promotion.
When Anabelle died in 1997 Maggie was left bereft in the freezing climate so far from home.
Last week things must have just got on top of her because she fell in her enclosure and couldn't get back on her legs again.
Specialist cranes and hoists eventually got the old girl up and a diagnosis of colic was made after she released a gigantic poison cloud of digestive gas after the ordeal.
"This is a sign just like Weyhrauch falling off that dumbass boat," Dave Walrus pronounced today.
"The Corrupt Bastards Club's been up the GOP's ass all along this business of 9/11 and Iraq. And now the VECO graft trial prosecutors is issuing warrants to haul in a whole lot more of the 22 state legislators that we know was doshed up with the VECO funds.
"The GOP's better rethinkin' it's stars 'n' stripes pachyderm on that flag of theirs.
"Alaska's solo elephant called Maggie is clearly crackin' up. It that ain't a portent, I don't know what is!"