Linger On Your Pale Blue Eyes......
Manchester - (Ass Mess): Sometimes I fell so crappy, sometimes I feel so bad....
Read full storyVenus in Leo, Conjunction Saturn: end of Whore on Terra
The Cosmos - (Ass Mess): The reign of Bush's Whore on Terra may be all but over as July begins with the fiery lesser benefic planet Venus in supreme conjunction with the zodiac's taskmaster Saturn at 22 degrees Leo.
Read full storyMile-high brothel launched
The Cosmos - (Rotters): The first experimental mile-high brothel has been launched using inflatable technology first developed by NASA.
Read full storyWV Police Storm Troopers Get Wrong Address
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - RIPLEY, WV - Ripley Storm Trooper Police and sheriff officers stormed 12 Tanglewood Village and brutalized an elderly disabled man today. The police came with guns drawn and screamed for the man to come out. The man repeatedl...
Read full storyTerror cops cancel Diana concert
Wembley Stadium - (Ass Mess): As the UK terrorism alert was raised to the highest 'critical' status short of 'imminent incoming airborne missile fired by Vladimir Putin' anti-terror police have warned the uber-tacky Diana concert at W...
Read full storySurgeons Amputate Man's Head
Los Angeles: In an astonishing indictment of the state of American medical care, a 44 year old man from Santa Monica, CA was accidentally decapitated by his surgeons.
Read full storyThe Wizard of Oz should be rated 'R'
Children should not be watching The Wizard of Oz. It teaches them all the wrong lessons! People are under the mistaken belief that Dorothy is the good guy, whereas, in reality, Dorothy is the bad guy!...
Read full storyNicole Richie Off Her Tahitian Noni Juice
BREAKING NEWS (Exclusive Gossip) - "I need to knock out a kid real fast." said Nicole "Wrong Way - Go Back" Richie. "Judges don't like to put little mommies in prison, do they?"...
Read full storyTheSpoof.com Writer Celebrates One Month Without Compensation, Ponders Sitting on Tookis
The Beach - After a positively persnickety first month at, by far, the worst-paying job he has ever held, young SpaceElevator is contemplating 'early retirement'. Sources close to the contributor of questionable gossip suggest that he dreams...
Read full storyCop Gets Job From Porn Star, Then Loses His Job
Porn "actress" Barbie Cummings of Blacks on Blondes fame, tried turning an old trick to get out of a speeding ticket by performing oral sex on the officer who stopped her. Tennessee Trooper James Moss was then fired by the Tennesse...
Read full storyVice President Dick Cheney Ordered Media Blackout on Ron Paul
ABS News Agency - Radio talk show host, and investigator Alex Jones claims he has copies of documents proving that Vice President Dick Cheney, who prefers to be called "Dark Star" by his subordinates, issued orders to the FBI and CIA to enf...
Read full storyMarriage Down, Bonking Up
New figures show a remorseless dive in the numbers of UK marriages and a massive increase in the birth of babies outside of wedlock.
Read full storyEddie Murphy to play 'Mr. Mom' while Scary Spice goes on reunion tour with girlfriends
Hollywood, California - Just a week after the DNA test Eddie Murphy's took to determine if he was the father of Scary Spice's baby girl, and just after the Spice Girls announced their 11 city reunion tour, Murphy is reportedly accompanying Sc...
Read full storyOne million year old tooth proves that diet coke was invented in Europe
An undecayed, one million year old human tooth, found in northern Spain's Burgos Province, proves that the world's first diet cola was invented in Europe and not as had been previously thought in America, in 1964 by Pepsi Cola.
Read full storyFDA orders recall of 'Veggie Booty' children's snacks; may cause gastrointestinal illness
Washington, D.C. - The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) finally took action against the makers of the Booty line healthy food snacks with the obscene, offensive, and sexually suggestive names, according to conservative family value groups.
Read full storyLewis Hamilton Arrested For Speeding
World Motor Racing Championship leader Lewis Hamilton has been arrested in France only hours before tomorrow's French Grand Prix.
Read full storySeventh Harry Potter Book shockers
JK Rowling likes to surprise us, but this surprise may rupture your spinal chords (our terribly mundane readers may consult their dictionaries for this term). Get ready to get the air knocked out of your lungs by the seventh book in the Harry Potter series. Joanne gave a glimpse of the 7th book to our reporter and this is what he has reported.
Read full storyBuild An Ark, Says Weatherman
The recent unseasonal bad weather across the UK has prompted weather experts to offer some astounding advice to the public as a way of dealing with the conditions.
Read full storyLineker fails to score with cook Ramsay
Former England hero Gary Lineker appeared on celebrity chef Gordon Ramsays' the "F Word" last week to show whether or not his culinary talents were as good as his penalty box skills.
Read full storyMan Discovered Stuck in Sewer Pipe for 40 Years!
APE Line - Corning, New York - It was a quiet day for Etta Smith, age 72, of Corning, New York, except for the noise of a backhoe working in her front yard. Officials here today made an amazing discovery.
Read full storyNewsreader 'Blazing' In Paris Hilton Protest
A US newsreader has attempted to set fire to herself in a protest against having to read out news about celebrity jailbird Paris Hilton ahead of the war in Iraq.
Read full storyParis gets vagina insured!
New york (the hot-shot pub): The last time we saw Paris Hilton, she was a preacher on "Larry King's Alive", stating all the lines she read in the bible, including the part that she felt was truly "hot". But no...
Read full storyLondon Car Bombs Aimed At Gay Pride Festival, Maybe - Police
Police investigating the two car bombs planted in Central London yesterday say that the Gay Pride festival could have been a target for the bombers.
Read full storyICANN Working on Internet Addresses -- But CAN China Wait?
San Juan, Puerto Rico (Reuterus) - Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN), the non-profit organization responsible for global coordination of the internet's system of unique identifiers, has announced that a new ".asia&q...
Read full storyCIA's 'Family Jewels' to go on Tour
US and A (The Scallion) - A new traveling display of past CIA illegal activities entitled "Family Jewels... The Exhibition" will begin touring the world this summer -- exposing the darkest nooks and crannies of the agency's illegal cove...
Read full storyBush and Putin Reach Agreement to Renew Nuclear Arms Race
Kennebunkport, Maine - After a long day of angry debate, bellicose posturing and fierce name-calling, Vladimir Putin and George Bush met together in the evening, in private, to share warm hugs, and to toast the success of their summit meeti...
Read full story'Marilyn 29' Named As Soviet Spy
The government has been rocked by a sensational spy scandal, with former MI5, MI6 and Rotherham United goalkeeper Marilyn 29 being named as the 'mole' at the centre.
Read full storyMichael Nifong's Defense: Wild Hare Toxic Shock Syndrome
North Carolina - Michael Nifong, the former District Attorney of Durham County, North Carolina, put forward a curious but unenviable defense regarding his unfair targeting of three Duke University lacrosse players for allegedly raping a stripper in 2...
Read full storyRoger Federer Reveals Secret Match Preparations!
APE Line - Roger Federer, who has once again not dropped a set so far at Wimbledon, admitted he has a somewhat unusual pre-match preparation. No he doesn't sleep with pyramids under his bed. He doesn't have magnetic underwear, though he admit...
Read full storyBritney Spears endorses new Karaoke 3000 series machine by Sony
Tokyo, Japan - Sony executive were pleased to announce that had just signed on Britney Spears as their leading endorser of their new 3000 series Karaoke machine today. Britney was supposed to roll out there new product line at a live music concert wi...
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