Written by Quentin Dynamite

Saturday, 30 June 2007

image for 'Marilyn 29' Named As Soviet Spy
The Kremlin Today

The government has been rocked by a sensational spy scandal, with former MI5, MI6 and Rotherham United goalkeeper Marilyn 29 being named as the 'mole' at the centre.

Ms 29 - formerly known as 'Lola 28.63' - was arrested aboard her luxury yacht in a Rotherham car park this morning. Police boarded the yacht at 3am, armed with trained dogs, talking parrots and performing seals from Rington Tremendo's Travelling Circus, and a news blackout - to be serialised in the News Of The World - has been imposed.

Ministers were alerted to a possible security leak at the Home Office when a quantity of Russian phrase books and the instruction manual 'How To Dance Like A Cossack - Made Simple' were found, along with some photos of Lenin and a balalaika. The government has long suspected nefarious activity, ever since smoke-signals were seen coming from the roof of the Russian Embassy. Officials at the building blamed them on a burning pair of trousers at the time - unlikely, since all Russian pants are non-inflammable.

Ms 29 - also known as 'Babooshka 302' - has been employed until recently as an accordion player with Archie Funn And His Hootenanny Whistlers. She is believed to have had access to top-level secret files, including those from the 1980s, when twenty-nine Soviet presidents all died within two days of each other. The file on Soviet premier Yuri Andropov, who died after mysteriously swallowing a piano, remains missing.

Anyone knowing the whereabouts of Ms 29 - also known as Zara 67,000 - should contact their local covert spy ring immediately.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
26 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more