US and A (The Scallion) - A new traveling display of past CIA illegal activities entitled "Family Jewels... The Exhibition" will begin touring the world this summer -- exposing the darkest nooks and crannies of the agency's illegal covert activities. The extremely sensitive and controversial subject will be graphically yet tastefully presented.
The 700-piece collection represents a gigantic knee-to-the-groin of the US government's keystone intelligence agency, featuring failed operations such as 'Project Elephantiasis' (an ill-fated attempt to prove that the effect known as blueballs could be controlled through the power of suggestion) and 'Project Rocky Mountain Oysters' (an assassination attempt on Cuban southpaw baseball-player Amanico Ferro).
Prior to the tour schedule even being announced, Cuban leader Fidel Castro prematurely leaked that he would rather get kicked in the Jimmy than allow the CIA exhibit to enter Cuba.
Proceeds from the traveling exhibit will benefit the current agency to allow them to purchase new paper shredders.