Comic Cracks At Comedian's Cremation
Mourners at the funeral of Britain's favourite comedian Bernard Manning were brought to tears - by the non-stop banter of attention hungry guests.
Read full storyRussian crap sculpture used as bait to bust Abramovich
London - (Ass Mess): In one of the biggest sting operations ever mounted against foreign organised crime dozens of huge crappy sculptures by rubbish Russian artists (sic) are being staged on display in Regent's Park this week.
Read full storyCheney's Office Finds Funding
Threatened with loss of funding for operations, The Office of the Vice President of the United States of America has found an alternate means to oversee and dominate all three branches of government.
Read full storyParis Hilton Free to Find Future Fortune
Hollywood (TV Fried) - Fresh out of celebrity stir, neo-ex-con Paris Hilton has hit the street running (guess she learned something meditating in the slammer about sobriety behind the wheel of an automobile), with a new purpose in li...
Read full storyBig Brother Girls Let it All Hang Out!
While sex mongoose Charlie popped out for a bit, it turns out that Big Bro twins Sam and Amanda were aching to get into some girl on girl action - with each other!...
Read full storyArea Man is a Total Loser
TIPP CITY, OHIO (AP Newsliar) -- Local area resident Joe Botney is such a complete loser he can't even make the "L" loser sign on his forehead correctly, instead routinely using the wrong hand to make a "J".
Read full storyBush Uses "N" Word
(Washington) - In his weekly radio address, President George W. Bush used the forbidden and emotionally charged "N" word. In a speech about the nation's energy policy, or lack thereof, the president repeatedly dropped the inflammatory N...
Read full storyChemist: Fluoride Causes Tooth Decay
ATLANTA, GA - A chemist with the autonomous Everyday Chemicals Lab has discovered that fluoride -- a chemical in toothpaste, mouthwash, and drinking water once thought to prevent tooth decay -- causes cavities, soft teeth, and other forms of painful...
Read full storyFeastday of Our Lady of Perpetual Sucker Marks Blair Exit
London - (Ass Mess): The World Religious Council has issued a statement in London today noting the daft irony of Blair's exit from office on the christian feastday of Our Lady of Perpetual Sucker.
Read full storyBlair to return to Mossad post says Israel
The Wailing Wall - (Ass Mess): Israeli sources have repudiated reports that the Bush Administration will employ UK Prime Monster as some sort of Middle East Mr Fix-it and insisted that when he steps down from his job as UK Prime Monster of June 27 he...
Read full storyBlair Middle East role is a joke says NATO
London - (Ass Mess): Speculation about UK Prime Monster Tony Blair's new job as a Middle East envoy is a joke according to senior NATO military intelligence sources who have laughed at the idea of the fictional "Quartet of Middle East Mediat...
Read full storyRonaldo sold off at throw-away price!
Salt Lake Stadium (Kolkata): After arse-null's Theory Entree, another player of great caliber, Ronaldo Luis Nazário de Lima of Brazil, or simply "the other Ronaldo", ha...
Read full storyLewis Hamilton Implicated In Driving Licence Scam
Lewis Hamilton, the Motor Racing wonderkid, arrived home from the US Grand Prix last week, not to adoring fans, but to an unwelcome visit from the local constabulary who wanted to see his driving credentials, and to...
Read full storyPoll: Ron Paul Gains Lead, 'Captain 9/11' in 4th
LOS ANGELES, CA - In a month-long, nationwide poll of 1.6 million American voters, Ron Paul (R-TX) has achieved a dramatic lead among all presidential candidates in the running in both political parties.
Read full storyMedia, Candidates Conspire to Elect Ron Paul
Things are not always what they seem. Witness the strategic moves made by the media, campaign staffs and other political hacks in an attempt to position their candidates in the most positive light. Dig a little further and you will see an almost world-wide conspiracy to assure the election of Dr. Ron Paul as the next President of the United States.
Read full storyWinalot
My niece has two large dogs and she asked that when I was at the Supermarket to buy a couple of large bags of Winalot for her and as I was standing in the queue at the checkout a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
Read full storyJames Clunt "You're Beautiful" Voted Most Annoying Song Of All Time
James Blunts "hit" was number one in 11 countries, and stayed at that position over here for 5 gruelling weeks when it was released in 2005.
Read full storyMan Utd Signing In Feather Duster Riddle
New Manchester United signing Robbie Savage has been accused of tickling a lapdancer with a feather duster in a late-night 'attack'.
Read full storyBoycott in hospital, W Indies apologise
GEOFFREY Boycott, the Yorkshire and England opening batsmen and cricket commentator is recovering in hospital after his ire came close to exploding during the recent test series between England and West Indies. Yorkshire-born Boycott was reported...
Read full storyParis Hilton Walks Oddly From Jail
Paris Hilton, the celebrity jailbird heiress, was released from custody this morning, to a tumultuous welcome from ...well...hardly anyone really.
Read full storyBritain's Most Dangerous Road Named
A short section of road in Lancashire has been named as the most dangerous in Britain in a new survey.
Read full storyToday's Britain: A Life Of (Petty) Crime
Almost two-thirds of Britons regularly commit petty crimes, according to a report, challenging the notion that the country is made up of a law-abiding, respectable majority.
Read full storyWater, Water, Everywhere!
This week's torrential downpours and relentless rain have caused panic and misery across the UK. Most worrying of all events occurred early this morning as the Ulley Dam in Sheffield began to crack, as the weight of the abnormally high rainfall...
Read full storyPrehistoric Penguin To P-P-P-Pick Up Paris
Scientists have discovered the remains of a prehistoric penguin, some 5 feet in height, dating back some 35million years.
Read full storyFlash Floods Herald Onset Of Global Warming
Heavy flooding all over Britain is a sure sign of the early effects of Global Warming and Climate Change, say experts. Unseasonal torrential and prolonged outbreaks of very wet rain have caused flash...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Chosen to Run Corrupt Bastards Day Care Center
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Alaska - The Corrupt Bastards Club, which has been meeting in Alaska near TheSpoof.com writer Gnarly Erik's home, has found itself so busy with court hearings that they have decided to open...
Read full storyHenman/Moya Clash Ends In Tame Score Draw
At Wimbledon yesterday, Tim Henman, the 'so nearly man' of British tennis, so nearly overcame Spain's Senor Carlos Moya before the match ended 5-5 in a g...
Read full storyGay Day descrimination lawsuit filed against Disney
Gay Days at Disney have become a yearly gala for many in the homosexual community, but this year's event at Disney World has sparked litigation regarding sexist treatment of guests.
Read full storyRoyal/Hollande Break-Up Threatens French Socialite Party & Civilization as we know it
PARIS (French Press Espresso) - Segolene Royal announced that she is breaking up with long-time companion Francois Hollande after he was caught looking up the skirt of Valérie Trierweiler.
Read full storyFDA approves clinical trial using Ecstacy-like drug
Psychiatrists at the University of Maryland have received FDA approval to begin clinical trials using a drug similar to MDMA, or Ecstacy as it is commonly known, for marriage counseling.
Read full storyOnion kicking begins
Today at half past Bernard, in the sleepy welsh town of Rackett begins the month long tradition of the great onion kicking festival.
Read full storyWii-related injuries on the rise
(Redmond, WA) Nintendo's new Wii gaming console promises to be the next generation of interactive systems, but danger lurks in the devices.
Read full storyHarry Potter Ending Revealed By Factory Worker
Los Angeles (Reuterus) Apparently the ending of J.K. Rowling's final book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, could not stay a secret for long.
Read full storyWorld's Ugliest Dog Crown Revoked; "Dog" revealed as Mexican Sewer Rat
Petaluma, California - Scandal broke out at the annual Marin-Sonoma County Fair's World's Ugliest Dog competition last Friday. As officials had to revoke the Crown awarded to "Elwood," then believed to be a 2-year-old crossbreed mix...
Read full storyReport: More war means more food
An internal State Department memo leaked to the press this weekend details plans for increasing the war push in preparation for low crop yields this summer.
Read full storyParis liberated! Paparazzi Home By Xmas
Hollywood (Calf.) Paris Catherine Ballou Whitney Houston Hilton was Released Today.
Read full storyAvvo Lawyer Rating Website Sued - By Lawyers!
The legal community has twisted itself into some funky knots in the new lawsuit against Avvo. Avvo is a website that rates lawyers based on various factors including their experience, disciplinary history, sexual preferences and consumer input.
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