Today at half past Bernard, in the sleepy welsh town of Rackett begins the month long tradition of the great onion kicking festival.
During the game, people kick an onion across the Welsh countryside while signing the Welsh national anthem (which no-body can remember). The game ends if a player dies, the onion is eaten, or if the onion is kicked into England.
The winner, who is selected at random by Prince Charles, receives the key to Wales and a blessing from the pope.
Crap celebs often join in with the games. This year's line up includes Randolph Hitler, Adolf's tennis playing great grandson, and Jade Goody, Adolf's most avid fan.
The festival was started 2000 years ago by moses who visited Wales while touring with his skiffle band "Moses and the 10 Commandments". An ironic name, given that there were only two other members, one with a banjo, the other with a washboard. Moses was a virtuoso with a comb and paper.