Written by TomFoolery

Tuesday, 26 June 2007

image for Paris Hilton Free to Find Future Fortune
Prison was an experience I just couldn't buy...my way out of.

Hollywood (TV Fried) - Fresh out of celebrity stir, neo-ex-con Paris Hilton has hit the street running (guess she learned something meditating in the slammer about sobriety behind the wheel of an automobile), with a new purpose in life, besides being the most overindulgent, obnoxious oh-poor-baby the media can't get enough and the rest of us can't get far enough away from.

Now that it's pretty certain that radical Rosie found out (heavy sigh of relief!) the Price is Wrong, the posh and perky Paris has wiggled and wangled herself an exclusive straight - to - the - front - of - the - line - like - her - parents - visiting - her - in - prison audition to take over from the out-to-pasture-at-long-last Bob Barker on what used to be a television icon before Rosie besmirched the game show's honor, no thanks to comments by Bob himself suggesting she taint the airwaves this side of the View.

If the game show thingy falls through, the humbled Hilton is considering taking advantage of her remaining wiles to become a White House intern. Odd are, she figures, whoever gets elected in 2008 will probably have failing eyesight and a wandering eye, so she might just have a shot at that.

Should a political position prove perilous, the extravagant ex-con-ette, following in her stir sister Martha Stuart's footsteps, post-prison Paris is all set to unleash…make that unveil…her own fashion line, inspired by what she calls 'slammer glamour.' Pajamas ala prison, jailbird jumpsuits and detainee dresses will highlight the event she so aptly calls her Post-Incarceration Celebration. Pocketbooks are already opening all over Tinseltown, for sure!

Before throwing up her jewel infested hands in feigned frustration, if all else fails, the has-a-record rebel deb hopes to go on the record with a self-replicating commemorative line of Cellmate Barbies, each of which is packaged with tissues for those traumatic tears, a Bible for prayerful pondering and a book of exotic medical and psychological conditions that only afflict the filthy rich, to use to attempt to spring the bimbo of bling from her looks-just-like-the-real-thing cell-looking box with bars and a lifelike toilet and slab bunk. Doin' Time Duds and Misdemeanor Makeup kits sold separately.

The 'changed one' has a lot to look forward to now that she's done her time. There'll be parties galore, shopping trips without end, and new and exciting vices to entice her. With more money than she'll ever have brains, there's always the banking business should her (lack of) talent run out. Oh, she won't work there, unless you consider emptying ATMs at a single bound work.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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