Railway stolen to order
A 105-year-old cliff-side funicular railway in Hastings East Sussex England has been stolen by thieves in what has been labelled the "steal of the century".
Read full storyRome smoking ban extends to dead popes
Rome - (Ass Mess): The latest health-kick no-smoking craze which has swept across from the UK to Italy has clearly upset the Vatican which has been told: No More Lighting Up When a Pope Dies.
Read full storyKylie Minogue is latest Doctor Who monster
London - (Rotters): Kylie Minogue is set to play Doctor Who's most deadly adversary in a BBC Xmas Special being filmed next month as a 'treat' for UK TV licence payers.
Read full storyLibby demands bullet-proof vest, 24/7 protection after Bush pardon
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Just 24 hours after receiving a Presidential pardon for his 30 month sentence imposed for perjury and obstruction of justice, Scooter Libby has "totally freaked out" and demanded the FBI gives him a bullet proof...
Read full storyLord Levy and dead Mossad spook Ashraf Marwan 'paid by Bandar'
London - (Ass Mess): Cash for peerages cops have found a money laundering trail linking Tony Blair's former blind trust portfolio bagman Lord Levy to Ashraf Marwan, the Mossad/KGB double agent who was found 'suicided' in the street below...
Read full storyBush Frees Libby, Satan Delighted
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - The whole world was shocked by Dicktatur Bush's move to free "Scooter" Libby, but the move delighted his daddy, Satan. Satan is working hard to keep President Bush from being impeached, and Libby'...
Read full storyInfomercial dreams invading our sleep
As so many people do, they fall asleep in front of the television. Some even choose to sleep with the boob tube on all night.
Read full storyKilroy Is Here Again
Perma-tanned wide boy and ex UKIP leadership contender, Robert Kilroy Silk, is set to make a comeback to our TV screens in a new six part series.
Read full storySir Elton Blows A Gasket
Sir Elton John is said to be seething about Ricky Gervais "showing him up" at the Take That gig in London's Olympia at the weekend.
Read full storyPolice close to questioning 15th Doctor
It emerged today that Police officers from the UK's new Anti-Terrorism Armed Response Unit have raided a second doctor's surgery in Glasgow. Following a name listed in a discarded telephone directory close to the scene of the Glasgow attack,...
Read full storyMonsters Actually Live in Little Kids Closets to Scare them in the Night!
A family in Seattle, Washington was scared half-to-death last night, as they found a monster in their 6-year-old son's closet.
Read full storyITV and the BBC - it's war!
London, Tuesday - The BBC today announced their autumn schedule, which includes, according to Director General Greg Karpitt-Muntcher, a "brand new concept in reality television".
Read full storyBuckingham Palace Nazi squatters face July 4th eviction
London - (Rotters): The Puppet Monarchy of Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin relatives has been given its final marching orders.
Read full storyFreeing Libby Proves Bush Junta "Corrupt to the Core"
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - The decision by President Bush to waive Scooter Libby's prison sentence proves that "this administration is corrupt to the core," exclaimed Ambassador Joseph Wilson, whose CIA wife was outed by Libby which led...
Read full storyNHS a hotbed of terror
London - (Ass Mess): Official: the great British National Health Service is a hotbed of terrorism.
Read full storyFitzgerald's masterclass in delayed gratification
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Is Independence Day, July the Fourth 2007, the day that Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald will unleash some of those legendary aces against the Bush Administration that hired a drive-by hitman to take him out last ye...
Read full storyIsaiah Washington to Replace Farfour on Hamas TV
Actor Isaiah Washington, fired from "Grey Anatomy for making homosexual slurs, has been hired by Hamas run Aqsa TV to replace recently martyred mouse character Farfour on "Pioneer of Tomorrow."...
Read full storyI Phone Can't Hear You Now
The I-Phone has quickly become a hot selling item among consumers this weekend with its multiple functions and uses. Tony Duarte of Pittsburgh said: "I don't know how to make a phone call with the thing."...
Read full storyLonely Beavers Stuck in Gay Massachusetts
The Commonwealth of Massachusetts is reporting that a recent influx of beaver in the state has caused hardships for many residents.
Read full storyOutrage As Israel's Rapist President Goes Free
JERUSALEM (FMLiveWire) -- Outrage echoed through Israel as thousands protested the plea bargain reached between the State of Israel and its deposed president, the rapist Moshe Katsav.
Read full storyCar Bombings Are Linked To NHS Waiting Lists
Police investigating the three failed car bombings in London and Glasgow, say they are a direct result of NHS waiting lists and other health service problems, and that many, many doc...
Read full storyBlades and Hammers cast into eternal limbo
SHEFFIELD United will be promoted from their current Championship status, West Ham United will lose their Premiership place too as FA bosses cast them both into mid-division limbo. The Blades, who were ejected from the top flight on the last day...
Read full storyDAOT set to overtake MRSA as the new NHS killer
DAOT or 'Death by Act Of Terrorism' is predicted to topple MRSA as the biggest killer of patients in British hospitals in the near future, experts warn. They put the move away from virus-based dangers down to the fact that the NHS appears to...
Read full storyCountess of Wessex looking forward to an increase in child benefit
Prince 'Elsie' Edward and Sophie's second baby is due in December. The Countess of Wessex was said to be "as happy as a pig in shit" yesterday as Buckingham Palace announced she is expecting her second child.
Read full storyKylie To Star In Xmas Doctor Who
The BBC have announced a major coup for their festive TV schedule by securing the services of West Bromwich Albion goalkeeper Dean Kiely for the Christmas Day showing of Doctor Who.
Read full storyJapanese minister resigns over atomic bomb remarks
Japanese defence Minister Fu Kyamutha resigned today after a comment he made in a speech on Saturday was taken the wrong way. Mistakenly believing that everyone had heard the old joke about the Mayor of Hiroshima's last words, the punchline drew...
Read full storyBush and Putin go fishing, settle old scores
Presidents Bush and Putin met today and completely repaired U.S.-Russian relations, which have been strained in recent months over White House plans to install a nuclear missile on the lawn outside the Kremlin.
Read full storyPresident Bush Signs Universal Health Care Bill
After viewing the Michael Moore film Sicko, President Bush presented legislation before Congress authorizing Universal Health Insurance coverage for all Americans regardless of income or ability to pay.
Read full storySean Hannity Fired From Fox After Refusing To Shave Unibrow
A spokesperson from FoxNews announced today that the "fair and balanced" cable news monolith has decided to fire conservative activist Sean Hannity from its popular show Hannity and Colmes. The decision came after Hannity refused...
Read full storyAlaskans Pull Together to Buy Back Alaska from Texas
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Alaska - The Alaskans have joined together to buy back Alaska from Texas. President George W. Bush had previously bought Alaska with his pocket change, bu...
Read full storyGore Al-mighty's Show 'Live Earth' to save us from ourselves in biggest broadcast ever to hit the airwaves since the great flood
Shanghai, China - The Peoples Republic of China has made it official, announcing Al Gore's 'Live Earth' show would be telecasted to over two billion Chinese, making it the most watched TV, radio and internet show ever in the entire histor...
Read full storyNASA Surprise Concert Marks 10-Year Anniversary of Mars Pathfinder Rover Landing
Cape Canaveral, Florida (AP) - A cast of musicians including Snoop Dogg, Skinny Puppy, Los Lobos, Three Dog Night and others will play their most celebrated hits as NASA recognizes the 10-year anniversary of the Mars Pathfinder rover landing on July...
Read full storySerena Williams to amputate one arm?
Star tennis player Serena Williams slogged her way to a two nil victory at tennis against Gordon Brown today, despite having dropped a hot cheese fondue on her calf during a car chase the night before.
Read full story"Deep Sea Dave" Announces That He Will Run for President
Aurora, Ohio (Daily Barnacle Staff Writer) - A local character named "Deep Sea Dave" has thrown his diving helmet into the 2008 US presidential race.
Read full storyPresident Bush Pardons Puerto Rican Nationalists (and Commutes 'Scooter' Libby's Sentence)
District of Columbia - President George W. Bush decided to fully pardon four Puerto Rican Nationalists involved in a shooting attack in the US Capitol in 1954.
Read full story"Most De-pied POG Residential Perspirant Used By Hammers Of Armenia To Hair Chaps On the Ron Paul"
"Most De-pied POG Residential Perspirant Used By Hammers Of Armenia To Hair Chaps On the Ron Paul" is just one example of eye catching article titles written by Edwin A. Sumcad. This title is followed by this equally eye catching text: "It is hard to argue for against literary findings that once hatred of groans is puked out of the Eichmann cave, it relieves a chronic disorder. Thi...
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