Shanghai, China - The Peoples Republic of China has made it official, announcing Al Gore's 'Live Earth' show would be telecasted to over two billion Chinese, making it the most watched TV, radio and internet show ever in the entire history of broadcasting. For all intent and purposes, the telecast will be the first of its kind ever seen on all seven continents and 119 countries, blowing away any similarity to the format of its predecessors of any kind.
"It's not like 'Feed the Children, Band-Aid, or even Farm Aid," said Juan McDonnell, the show's event planner. "Those shows although noble endeavors in of themselves, only raised money for their respective charity. Ours is intended to promote social change on both a personal and public level that will alter human consciousness and all of civilization as we know it, or we will die."
As a gag, show planners intend to introduce Gore dressed as Noah complete with a giant Ark on stage behind him. He will exit the ark, which is made entirely of Bamboo (a renewable wood resource), walking down a runway ramp, wearing a flowing brown robe [made of hemp], white beard, sandals [also, made of hemp] and escorted by a couple of actors dressed up as life-sized Golden Academy Award Oscars.
"It will be a fun play off 'Evan Almighty,' of course," continued McDonnell. "But it's very serious as well because it ties it in with the real issue of global warming and Biblical redemption without bumming out the audience with the message of mass extinction never before experienced since the invention of the Atomic Bomb."
Gore will then introduce 150 leading acts, which include Madonna, Genesis, and Bon Jovi to name a few. He will talk about reducing global warming before leading pre-selected members of the audience back up the ramp into the Ark, which is a functioning informational kiosk all about global warming that regular members of the audience are invited to tour; that is, those that are determined to have successfully matched the minimum bid on the blood stained concert ticket stubs on ebay.
Each pre-selected member of the audience will represent the racial, cultural, and religious diversity, as well as sexual orientation, of the world to include straight, gay, lesbian, transsexual and transgender couples.
No one has figured out how to pair the bisexuals as of yet, at least not without confusing them for gay or straight couples. But other than that, everything is expected to go smoothly.
Accompanying each of the pre-selected members in their procession into the Ark will be full figured cutout figurines of animals like the ones used in the Broadway stage production of the 'Lion King' but all an endangered species instead. Using real endangered species would violate international law, PETA's guidelines and be too undignified for the animals to endure.
Gore's spokesperson is reporting that he is more excited now, than when he was first elected President of the United States in 2000, or won the Oscar, combined.
"He just loves that robe," said Tipper Gore. "And those groovy sandals, too; he may never take them off."
