Penis Envy
London - (ReUterus): Scientists unravelling the complexities of what attracts wannabe porno novelists to the mysteries of internet comedy writing have found a link between the male brain's pleasure center, alcohol and symptoms of penis envy.
Read full storyDeath by Everything
The autopsy report for Frankie Weepspittle Barrecord Jones, former lead finger cymbal player for the Goth/Country band, Mornful Banjo was released today.
Read full storyElton John launches Adopt-a-Priest scheme
The Catholic Church has for many years had to face declining numbers, as well as widespread mockery of its rigidly male membership in the face of stiff opposition.
Read full storyKentucky Derby Winner Barbaro 'Will Taste Great in Alpo'
2006 Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro was euthanized this week due to ongoing complications stemming from the breakdown he suffered during the Preakness Stakes last May. But a marketing representative from Purina noted that Barbaro "will sure taste...
Read full storyBird flu transmitted to rubber ducks
Bird flu, the potential world killer that never was, has taken a new form. The virus is now capable of infecting inanimate objects which are in the shape of birds - including rubber ducks, plastic chicks and wall-mounted flying geese.
Read full storyBlackmail news
Washington DC - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Classified CIA documents discovered in a Waco, Texas landfill site relating to George W Bush's White House 2000 election campaign paint a grim blackmail picture of Michael Jackson lookalike Mr Wacko being al...
Read full storyConfusion over 'Green Tax'
Members of golf clubs across the UK have staged a massive protest over green taxes. Thousands of retired men mistakenly think they must pay tax to play golf.
Read full storyDowie Lands Role In New Shrek Movie
Eric Cantona did it. Vinnie Jones did it. And now, sickeningly ugly footballer turned failed manager Ian Dowey (intentional spelling mistake) is doing it. Acting...well, kind of.
Read full storyCollina receives threats
Ex top world football ref Pierluigi Collina has received hate mail and death threats.
Read full storyTurkey Manipulators Force Freshwater Fowl To Action
Turkey Manipulators in Norfolk have ducks and geese spitting feathers in the latest round of talks that has crippled UK Turkey breeding over the past few weeks.
Read full storyMcDonalds Will Fold If New Victims Are Not Found
An industry watchdog has warned, in a report, that some of the big names in the fast food sector face closure if they do not find new victims for the crap they are peddling.
Read full storyVictoria to do Lesbo Porn Movie
Now that hubby David has made the move to California, Victoria has announced that she will be embarking on a film career.
Read full storyCelebrity Big Brother Danielle In Teddy Namechange Row
There was a sigh of relief today at West Ham's Upton Park ground, when Lloyd Daniel, the ex-girlfriend of Teddy Sheringham was officially dumped by the former England star.
Read full storyMan attacked by pit bull toddler
A 38-year-old man and his dog were attacked by a pit bull type toddler while walking in Ravenscliffe, Bradford.
Read full storyBig Brother Jo : New Career Opportunity Beckons
Jo O'Meara left the Big Brother House this week shamed, remorseless and without a career. But in a unique twist, the bolshy bifter has come up trumps it seems.
Read full storyHave You Heard the One About the Englishman? by Feamus Tipple O'Flattery
As Ireland sees an influx of English escaping overheated England, attracted by the crack, the low rate of money, and the high rate of something for nothing, a new form of lighthearted, well-meant, joke is sweeping the bars and ceilidhs of Dublin's celebrated, traditionally literally boozy parts. In a reversal of table-turning, the Iri...
Read full storyDr Gillian McKeith's Do-Gone Done It
Since Dr. Gillian McKeith's posh Kensington address was inadvertently made visible to millions of viewers 4 min 46 seconds into episode 3 of her hit show, You Are What You Eat, the self-styled 'doctor pooh...
Read full storyWeird happenings
A few years back this weird instances happened in the suburbs of India. A happily married couple staying in a small house in the suburbs, faced these strange happenings in their house.
Read full storyU.S. to Outsource Jobs
Washington DC - A startling New bill passed into law early this afternoon that will outsource the executive branch of the government. "It is a great way to save our tax payers money; think of all the money that is wasted on running the elections...
Read full storyThe Real Life Earl Hickey
Most of you I'm sure watch the TV series "My Name is Earl". This televised program jerked a man named Bruno Giggles into action he has 956 items on his list the twenty three year old estimates with the amount he has it will take him more than three years to complete it.
Read full storyCat Claims To Be True Heir To The Throne
A cat called Tiddles is today at the centre of a quite extraordinary row as it's being claimed that he is in fact the rightful King of England.
Read full storyScientists Working on Cure
Scientist I.M Gaye (Ira Manchester Gaye) is the head of the Department developing a cure for the incredibly gay Boy Band Syndrome disease.
Read full storyDanielle on the hunt for a new Soccer Beau
No sooner has the 'Liver Turd', so called model Danielle LLoyd, left the house to collect several bin bags of belongings deposited at the studio by 'Premiership Peter Pan' Teddy Sherringham, than she has started a new man hunt.
Read full storyTasters for new beer sue Brewery
This weekend, at Ass & a Half Beer Brewery, a new beer was being tasted. Called Ass' Turd Beer, head taster Dubya Pod threw up on me (I'll be suing him if he wins the case anyway).
Read full storyPrince Charles In "Expensive Weekend" Furore
Prince Charles is in hot water again after returning from an expensive 2-day jaunt to the US.
Read full storyYou Do Have To Be Mad To Work Here
"You don't have to be mad to work here but it helps". That photo-copied sign must be stuck on the wall in countless offices around the world and is seen as a bit of a light-hearted joke.
Read full story"Jo's No Racist" - Pauline Fowler
Celebrity Big Brother gender bender Joe von O'Mira is in the news again over her outrageous racism denials.
Read full storyShilpa Crowned Miss World
In a triple whammy Celebrity Big Brother celebration, Shilpa Shetty was last night crowned BB winner, installed as Indian Prime Minister and awarded the title of Miss World 2007-2017.
Read full storyMourinho announces: I'm stayin' with Chelsea
Shock and awe were the only words to describe the reaction to Manager Mourinho's announcement! Mourinho will be staying at Chelsea Clinton's flat. How the swarthy dude managed to manage his way into that love pad is more than any of us in the...
Read full storyAbbé Pierre rises from the Dead!
Advocate for the homeless and friend to the poor, Abbé Pierre is reported to have risen from the dead.
Read full storyTyrranus Rectum No More!
The idiot,formerly known as President Bush, who donned the title of Tyrranus Rectum after his infatuation with the HBO series Rome finally figured out the joke.
Read full storyOprah Announces Chicago Yellow Pages is New Book Club Pick
Oprah Winfrey announced today that the Chicago suburban Yellow Pages is her next book club pick. This is her first book club selection since James Frey's controversial "A Million Little Pieces" last year. Frey's book was presented...
Read full storyCharles and Camilla Slum it in Philly
In a modern-day version of Dickens' The Prince and The Pauper, The Prince of Wales and his Duchess of Cornwall disguised themselves as commoners and went about Philadelphia, a city in one of the original Thirteen Colonies.
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