The Catholic Church has for many years had to face declining numbers, as well as widespread mockery of its rigidly male membership in the face of stiff opposition.
In an effort to prevent the church from becoming extinct, devout Catholic and unrepentant sodomite Elton John is launching a scheme to adopt priests.
Elton John said, "To house a priest costs as little as 2 loaves of bread a week. They only have two sets of clothes, usually a cassock which is easy to wash. Most of them are house-trained and can make fun pets, although not all of them are suitable for households with children."
"Eventually we hope to release some of these priests into their natural habitat. These are the ancient ruined churches of the open countryside, where they can be free to spout their preachy sermons and hunt choirboys."
"Here at Adopt-A-Priest, we allow anyone to adopt a priest, except for gay couples of course, because that would just be disgusting."