Man attacked by pit bull toddler

Funny story written by Jon-jo Jones

Monday, 29 January 2007

image for Man attacked by pit bull toddler
Ravenscliffe Danger Kid

A 38-year-old man and his dog were attacked by a pit bull type toddler while walking in Ravenscliffe, Bradford.

Steven Smith was found on the ground with injuries to his neck and upper body. His dog, Prince, 21 (dog years), who is recovering at a local vets, managed to fight off the toddler.

A local drunk, who can't remember his own name, seen the incident and described it as "terrifying, if it wasn't for the dog, he would have been brown bread! *hic*"

Police are currently appealing for witnesses and will try to determine if the toddler is one of those listed on the Dangerous Kids Act 2001.

The act was brought in to prevent incidents like this, and also to prevent future crimes such armed robberies or aggravated burglaries. It was hoped that the Act would also lower unemployment and drug use.

Pit Bull Toddlers were first bred in council estates across the North of England and used by parent(s) to claim benefits, commit petty crimes and aggravate neighbours.

The toddlers are generally bred by mothers of 16, usually called Sharon and fathers (if known) that have done "time in the can".

Following a spate of similar incidents, North of England Police have started a "Dangerous Kid Amnesty". The Amnesty allows the public to hand over any kids covered by the act with no questions asked. The Amnesty also allows people to ask any questions of concern regarding the act.

If you are unsure as to what is a dangerous kid, the following description should help:

Danger Kids are usually white or have a mucky tan, often wearing Lacroc or Abibas tracksuits and Air Max trainers. Blueberry caps or hoodies are sometimes worn.

If you have any information or concerns regarding the above, please contact the North of England Police force.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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