Britney Spears to Marry a Horse
She dated Justin Timberlake. Then she married her childhood sweetheart Jason Alexander (not the guy who plays George Costanza sadly). Then she divorced him within 24 hours. Then she married retarded 'dancer' Kevin Federline. Then divorced him...
Read full storyDubai International Capital Set Their Sights On Irish Camogie Team
Dubai International Capital (DIC), the state owned investment company currently in negotiations with Premiership football team Liverpool have today revealed their interest in ladies Camogie team Clonkill Curlers.
Read full storyTop Chef's Dog Chalks Up His Final Walkies
Top Chef, Rick Stein, was today in mourning as his sidekick of some 17 years, Chalky the Jack Russell terrier, has gone to the great dog kennel in the sky.
Read full storyIndia declares war on Big Brother
The prestigious offices of Channel 4 were lying in ruins after a crack team of Indian army commandos launched an attack last night.
Read full storyTexas Governor Re Ice Storm: 'EVERYTHING'S Canceled even Sunrise'
Texas Governor Rick Perry, buried under 3 sheets of frigid arctic ice officially canceled sunrise this morning in Texas after spending 2 hours trying to scrape enough ice off his Mercedes to get it to start to get him to the state capital in time to...
Read full storyFive Minutes To Armageddon Run For The Hills!
Top war bods, scientists and nuclear boffins have once more nudged the hands of the Doomsday Clock nearer to midnight, as they feel that we are soon all to perish in a modern-day Armageddon.
Read full storyDrawing The Line: Doherty hopes to get into Record Books
Singer Pete Doherty of pop band Babyshambles has announced he is to snort, uninterrupted - the longest line of cocaine in the world ever. Police officials have ok'd the event & it is hoped the singer will die & stop wasting Polic...
Read full storyChrist's sandals found in desert
A top archaeologist has discovered sandals that may have belonged to Jesus Christ at a dump on the outskirts of Bethlehem.
Read full storyComet McNaught, Heather Mills and that murky George Bush biz
London - (Rotters): Star gazers charting the trajectory of Comet McNaught as it criss-crosses ancient astrological fault lines connecting the UK Hellfire Club and the Ancient American Order or the Skull 'N' Bones believe that this weekend may...
Read full storyManchester Duo Show The Way Ahead For Home Entertainment Systems
First it was video that died a death; killed off by DVD. But anybody about to invest in the latest DVD technology...Forget it. Because the new technology that's doing the rounds is 3D Holography.
Read full storyMP Insists a Cheeky Girl Is For Life, Not Just Xmas
Liberal Democrat MP, Lembit Opik who not only has a bizarre unpronounceable name, now sports a 'Cheeky Girl' on his arm.
Read full storyCarphone Whorehouse threatens to quit Celebrity Big Brother sponsorship
London - (Rotters): Channel 4's reality show Celebrity Big Brother is under threat of sponsorship withdrawal from wannabe mobile brothel pioneer Carphone Whorehouse after contestants were accused of racist bullying tactics of a Bollywood soap que...
Read full storyBarbados holiday costs Winner arm and leg
London - (Ass Mess): Death Wish film trilogy director Michael Winner, notorious for his po-faced restaurant reviews and extravagant winter breaks in the Carribean, is under armed guard in a private London medical facility after complaining to police...
Read full storySouth East Flooded With Hose Pipes
BRACKNELL - All flights in and out of Heathrow were cancelled today when water companies admitted that the hose pipe ban, lifted on Monday, has caused dangerous levels of hose pipes.
Read full storyLeaked sex tape shows Bush pleasuring Tin Man
The future of George 'Dubya' Bush was in jeopardy today after a stolen sex tape found it's way onto the internet.
Read full storyCelebrity BogBrother Shock - Viewers Still Alive
Makers of the once mighty TV show, Celebrity BogBrother, where millions of contestants have to remain in peat-filled bogs for a million years putting up with each others cravings, insults and bad hygiene, have admitted concerns that approximately one...
Read full storyScotch Gene Identified: A Brave New World Beckons.
The Scotch could face extinction by the year 2500 as English boffins identify the gene responsible for ginger hair, buck teeth, tightness, transvestism and whinging.
Read full storyLab assistant crowned 'Ugliest Bastard on the Planet'
A laboratory assistant has beaten off stiff competition from more than 4000 other women to win the prestigious 'Ugliest Bastard on the Planet' award.
Read full storyThe Sun claims Blair does not exist
In a startling claim in The Sun, Prime Minister Tony Blair 'does not exist'.
Read full storySaddam's Blog reveils final days
It is now thought gallow man Saddam Hussein & former leader of now 'safe as houses' Iraqi kept a blog of his final days in US captivity.
Read full storyNoel Edmunds to receive a beating
Hard man Seth Bundy has vowed to give Deal or No Deal Presenter Noel Edmunds "a right hiding."...
Read full storyRonan Keaton: latest effort in the war on terror.
Tedious pop con artist Ronan Keaton has been revealed as the latest weapon in the war on terror. Keaton's records have been identified as "100% more effective" than the stress position and other forms of torture used to extract informat...
Read full storyBush/Blair Alliance Reaches New High
Royters: The friendly alliance between the US and UK leaders George Bush and Tony Blair, has reached a new high, say reports.
Read full storyPrescott and Reid in Scuffle: More bad news for the government.
Deputy Prime Minister and ladies man John Prescott is to have a fight with Sycophantic Home Secretary John Reid this afternoon at half past three.
Read full storyHogwarts school placed under 'special measures'
Education watchdog, Ofsted, today identified Hogwarts school as having 'serious difficulties' and said that it would be placed under 'special measures'.
Read full storySpace Craft Seen In Sunderland Skies
Be afraid be very afraid for the Earth is under attack from aliens. According to Bill Saucer from Sunderland.
Read full story10-Year-Old Boy Gets Telegram From Queen In Birthday Blunder
Ten-year-old Matthew Oldman of Prestwich in Greater Manchester had a birthday surprise to beat them all recently - a telegram of congratulations from HR the Queen.
Read full story"Global Warming? Bring It On!" say Inuit
The effects of so-called Global Warming will be felt hardest in the cold countries, but some Inuit have indicated they would welcome dramatic climate change.
Read full storyRevolutionary Thunderbolt Golf System Debuts
Thunderbolt Golf Equipment has announced the utterly revolutionary Thunderbolt Blaster Golf System. Richard R McCovey, President of Thunderbolt, spoke at a press conference where he revealed for the first time the Blaster.
Read full storyGolden Globe Award Show Nudges Senator Barack Obama toward Running for U.S. President
It happened when he found out that Babel, Borat, Betty, Blunt, and Baldwin were winners at the Golden Globes.
Read full storyBabel Tops Golden Globes!
Genesis 11 had languished on the shelves of agents,producers and directors for four millennia. To the surprise of drama and film critics the "Myth of the Tower" finally broke out and leads the list of Golden Globe winners in both the stage...
Read full storyEscape from New Squawk!
I decided that my last $ 75,00 dollars would not be spent on my incarceration in Lovely Acres Rest Home on December 31, 2006. With the new payment to "New Squawk" , the nickname given to this hotbed of complaining,due on New Year's Day , I knew it was time for the breakout. We'd been dreaming about it for years like the barroom denizens of O'Neil's Iceman
Read full story800 Pounds Lighter, Dem Markets "Dicks Diet" To The Masses
WASHINGTON - Like many ex-athletes, Rep. Norm Dicks started packing on weight when he left the gridiron. The former University of Washington linebacker struggled for years with diet after diet, and each time the blubber came bouncing back.
Read full storyTrump gets Cloven-Hoof Print on Hollywood Walk of Fame
In one of the greatest honors offered to a beast , "The Donald" Trump was allowed to imprint his trotter into the wet cement on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Read full storyCoach Bush questions QB Al-Maliki on Eve Of Iraqi Akbarbowl
WASHINGTON, Jan. 16 - "President" Bush said Tuesday that Iraq had "fumbled" the executions of Saddam Hussein and two of his deputies, and that the government of Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki "has still got some maturati...
Read full storyBarzan Ibrahim - New Poster Boy for US Fight VS Obesity
Just when US nutritionists, anorexics and bulimics were desperately looking for an object lesson down comes Barzan Ibrahim, henchman of Saddam Hussein ,also known as the Dessertman of Baghdad.
Read full storyShock Rocker Marilyn Manson Peels a Banana the Normal Way
Tidal waves were sent throughout the underground hardcore community when a leaked video circulated wildly through the internet last weekend. The 15 second clip showed rock star and self-identified anti-Christ, Marilyn Manson peeling a banana, by brea...
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