London - (Rotters): Star gazers charting the trajectory of Comet McNaught as it criss-crosses ancient astrological fault lines connecting the UK Hellfire Club and the Ancient American Order or the Skull 'N' Bones believe that this weekend may see the celestial visitor on a crash-course with cosmic detritus originating in the Crabs Nebula which once saw George W Bush and Heather Mills bed-bugged at a famous London hotel and caught in flagrente delicto by the Met's Vice Squab.
Preliminary hypotheses are still sketchy but are said to revolve around the former glamour-girl, model and wannabe mine-detector enthusiast and payments from Bush's Bogota branch Riggs Bank account that saw her earnings take a quantum leap in to the heady Heidi Flesh stratosphere.
Some seasoned old Fleet Street hacks have been on the trail of this conspiracy theory for nearly twenty five years after morsels of juicy bait were thrown their way by rogue judges free-lunching their careers through Thatcher Admiistration apparatchicks on the road to guaranteed House of Lords pension glory.
The burning question always was: "A dose of candida or a positive pregnancy test result for horny Heather?"
Now the comet's portentious transit of both the Bush and the Poodle Administrations may at last throw up some cosmic light on the conception of a hybrid so awful, so hideous and so utterly convincing that the entire House of Von Battenburg's destiny could easily rest on the outcome of just one ominious conjunction.
There is still no need for a telescope to track this celestial visitor to the Northern skies as it blazes its fiery trail across the early evening skyline. But a binoculars-aided view from the heights of the London Eye certainly magnifies the sight of Clarence House and the quirky shenanigans of the back-stairs visitors during the early hours of the morning.
