Texas Governor Rick Perry, buried under 3 sheets of frigid arctic ice officially canceled sunrise this morning in Texas after spending 2 hours trying to scrape enough ice off his Mercedes to get it to start to get him to the state capital in time to CANCEL sunrise.
Since the arctic blast began southern backwoods states have canceled everything from cow parades to tumbleweed parties all the way down to chili cook-offs and Austin's Spam Festival.
"You know things are bad when Walmart shuts down" one Texas resident told reporters. Governor Perry, deciding to cancel EVERYTHING including the sunrise faced pockets of criticism for shutting down reality in Texas along with basic life support itself. Perry, with no electricity in the state to speak of shouted from the steps of the capital to reporters via megaphone,
"I know it's COLD out there especially without power but I had to shut everything down even the oxygen supply or face massive deficits in the state treasury once this thing blows over CAN YOU HEAR ME ARE YOU ALIVE !?"
Texans, now in the dark with no sun overhead, no power, lights, food, water or medical supplies are, according to CNN, "just going to have to wait it out". CNN's part time meteorologist/CNN-Weather/News-babe Robin Meade says that temperatures in Texas MAY rise above absolute zero tomorrow if she keeps her fingers crossed hard enough and Mr Sun does, as Spike Lee says, "the right thing."
Oklahoma Governor Brad Henry says that he has no plans for canceling sunrise over his state tomorrow. Nightfall, maybe but the governor, aides say has no intention of keeping that great big burning ball of flame out of the frozen Oklahoma morning skies anytime soon.