Lab assistant crowned 'Ugliest Bastard on the Planet'

Funny story written by Breeze

Wednesday, 17 January 2007

image for Lab assistant crowned 'Ugliest Bastard on the Planet'
Doris is the new face of anti-diarrhoea tablets

A laboratory assistant has beaten off stiff competition from more than 4000 other women to win the prestigious 'Ugliest Bastard on the Planet' award.

Doris Cabbagefanny, 25, who lives in London with her 12 cats, said she was 'over the moon' at receiving the trophy.

"It's been a long, hard road to get this far," she said, "But I am overjoyed that people find me so repulsive"

The award is not judged on looks alone but also on personality and charisma, luckily for Miss Cabbagefanny the viewers found her menacing and creepy, as well as revolting to look at.

Critics of the long running Ugly competition have said that it is outdated and demeans women and there was a serious incident last year, when 4 members of the audience were trampled to death in a stampede during the swimwear heats.

Winners of the title, however, can expect to rake in millions of pounds through commercials and sponsorship deals.

Last years winner, Marjorie Arsebandit, became the face of 'Bounce' dogfood and Miss Cabbagefanny has already been approached by 'Immodium' to front the new anti-diarrhoea campaign.

A spokesman for 'Immodium' said yesterday, "Doris's image exactly conjures up the image of an unpleasant, watery bowel movement."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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