There were 3,146 spoof news stories published in 2004. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to browse the spoof news archives.
Janet Jackson's Superbowl Nipple Slip Reveals She's A Cyborg
The Superbowl halftime show, produced by MTV, promised some surprises, and boy did it deliver. At the end of a performance by pop icons Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson, Timberlake ripped off the cup covering Jackson's right breast, to reveal Jac...
Read full storyMan Loses Penis to Bear Trap
ESTES PARK, Co - In what paramedics called a ‘freak accident', tourist Ben Miller lost his penis in a bear trap at an Estes Park souvenir shop. Miller, a 39 year old draftsman from Orlando, Florida, and his family were visiting the Big Thompson Rive...
Read full storySecond Paris Hilton Sex Tape Surfaces, No One Cares
Once again, an adult themed website has posted exclusive footage of Paris Hilton having sex with some guy she dated a couple years ago. The 25-minute tape shows Paris and as yet unnamed paramour, having sex in numerous positions, with Paris clearly...
Read full storyOlsen Twins to Film Porn Movie on 18th Birthday
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, best known collectively as the ape-faced baby on the long-running ABC sitcom "Full House" have announced plans to get nude and film a full length porno movie on their 18th birthday which is June 13 of this year. Misguided...
Read full storyMattel Rejects Suicide Bomber Barbie
EL SEGUNDO, Ca - In a not-so-surprising move, Mattel executives unanimously rejected their marketing department's latest submission: Suicide Bomber Barbie. "This would surely become a political hot-potato," explained June Cabrini, Executi...
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden to Endorse George W. Bush in 2004 Election
In a shocking new videotape obtained by Al Jazeera television, Osama Bin Laden announced that he would be endorsing George W. Bush for the 2004 elections, and would be doing all he could to get Bush re-elected. Bin Laden announced his plans to perso...
Read full storyClothing Designer Killed
Sydney ,Australia -- Reg Grundies,fashion Guru extrordinaire,and inventor of the Y-front and Jockette line of mens underwear ,was killed today.
Read full storyPolitical Correctness - can it really be applied to Ginger people?
Midgets. Dwarves. Shortarses. Umpa-Lumpas. These types of terms are not politically correct. Munchkins - there, another one. Vertically challenged people recently won a ruling to have themselves referred to as 'little people' and its wrong to...
Read full story50Cent to Rule Haiti, Renames Country
PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti - Promising to "lay it down on the mic", rap star 50Cent has announced that he will rule Haiti. "I don't need no Grammy for Best New Artist gangstaaa, I'll be runnin' my own d*mn...
Read full storyBoy's Wal-Mart Telescope Shames Hubble
DUMAS, Tx - James McBride, a 14 year old amateur astronomer from Dumas, Texas, has captured a stunning image of a four-nebula cluster he has nicknamed "Face of God." The Texas panhandle resident captured the image using nothing more than a disposabl...
Read full storyDrill Sergeant Takes Over Iraq, Makes Whole Country Drop For Push-Ups
Parris Island, NC - Iraqis woke up this morning to the sounds of profanity and shouting this morning when control of Iraq was handed over to Marine Corps Drill Instructor Gunnery Sergeant Heartman.
Read full storyBigfoot found, shot down in cold blood
REDCLIFF, Wash. -- A hunter claims that he saw the legendary beast known as Bigfoot, shot him five times through the chest and watched it bleed to death in a remote part of Washington state.
Read full storyMichael Moore and Vin Diesel sign up for ‘Da Vinci Code' movie
Film-maker Michael Moore, renowned for his documentary work on Bowling for Columbine and Fahrenheit 9/11, has agreed to turn his style and skill to the forthcoming movie of the international bestseller ‘The Da Vinci Code'.
Read full storyJohn Kerry names Johnny Depp as running mate
WASHINGTON - Presidential hopeful and Massachusetts Senator John Kerry today announced he has offered Johnny Depp first refusal of the coveted VP spot in his Democratic bid for the White House.
Read full storyKerry's Unknown Star Wars Bit Gig
John F. Kerry, Democratic Presidential hopeful, was, unknown to most fans, a bit character in the last Star Wars movie Episode II: Attack of the Clones.
Read full storyWal-Mart Announces Plans to "Rollback" Wages, Employment Practices
Wal-Mart, Inc., the world's largest retailer, has announced plans to expand its wildly successful "Rollback" program to its wages and employment practices, according to a company spokesperson. "The concept of the rollback is extremely simple," compa...
Read full storyAmerican Idol News: New Judges Next Season. Simon remains; Omarosa and MJ Replace Paula and Randy
Omarosa has done it again. The Apprentice outcast will be joining Michael Jackson and Simon Cowell as judges on next season's American Idol and Simon isn't happy. Simon and Omarosa got into a feisty argument and your favorite writer KungFu Iceskat...
Read full storyJanet's Nipple Ripple
The aftershocks of Janet Jackson's and Justin Timberlake's strip tease at the Super Bowl are still being felt several weeks later. The latest event to fall victim to the tasteless in-your-face incident is an ABC biopic about Lena Horne.
Read full storyWheelchair-Bound Frogs Sue Leg-Eating French
PARIS, FRANCE--A group of disgruntled, disabled and above all disorientated frogs are suing the population of France, past and present, over their ongoing culinary pursuit of frog's legs.
Read full story50 Cent Arrested in Shooting of Ja Rule and Ashanti
Rapper 50 Cent, who still hasn't forgotten his hatred for rival Ja Rule, was recently arrested for the shooting of the two main stars of The Inc., Rule and Ashanti. He said, "I finally got those motherf***ers back!"...
Read full storySpongeBob Squarepants On Atkins Diet
A spokesperson for SpongeBob Squarepants said on Wednesday that the undersea sensation will be using the Atkins Diet to lose some unwanted pounds, in order to broaden his acting horizons. "[Sponge]Bob does not want to be typecast. He wants to...
Read full storyKen Jennings Loses On Purpose, Heated Rivalry With Trebek To Blame
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA-- In an unexpected turn of events Thursday, longtime Jeopardy winner, Ken Jennings, lost on purpose as a publicity stunt in spite of Alex Trebek. From the beginning of the show, Jennings just stood there with a smirk on his...
Read full storyBritney Spears Pregnant, Seeks Annulment of Wild Sex Romp
Pop sensation Britney Spears is reportedly carrying the love child of a random fan she met backstage at a concert in L.A. last year. This intrepid reporter was able to get an exclusive interview with Britney before she was able to speak with either...
Read full storyStephen Hawking sues Microsoft for copying his voice
World-famous cosmologist and theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking has today filed a lawsuit against Microsoft Corporation for unlawful replication of his trademark computerised voice.
Read full storyAfter Tour de France, Lance Armstrong says, "We are over, Sheryl Crow!"
Well people, it looks as though our friends Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong are no more. Armstrong reluctantly broke up with his girlfriend of one year last week, after winning the Tour de France.
Read full storyLaura Bush Seeks Divorce
Citing "irreconcilable indifferences, his thing is way too small and other problems," Laura Bush has filed for divorce against King George the Dunce.
Read full storyKermit The Frog Found Dead.
(New York, NY) April 28, 2004 - Kermit the Frog, former superstar of the puppet world and host of "The Muppet Show," was found dead Tuesday morning in his apartment on Sesame Street.
Read full storyGoldilocks Sues Three Bears
The Forest- Speaking up for herself after years of silence, Goldilocks confirmed her intent to "sue the pants off" the three bears. "I've undergone years of therapy," said the golden-locked beauty, "I'm sure you can imagine, post-traumatic st...
Read full storyDiana Degarmo's Meltdown
Diana Degarmo finally broke down and cried today. "I'm so f***in' sick and tired of being the nice and sweet girl. I ain't got no street cred since doing this whack American Idol. People don't even think I'm latina enough. It...
Read full story'Twas the Night Before Christmas
(or How do you think Santa Claus put on those extra pounds?)...
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden Captured, Found In U.S. Army
FORT BENNING, GEORGIA-- The Bush administration received yet another shocking blow today when, it was discovered today that Osama Bin Laden has been in the United States Army this entire time ever since September 11th.
Read full storySurvivor All-Stars Finale: Amber Wins, Boston Rob Proposes, Jenna Pregnant
Madison Square Garden, NY- In a live CBS broadcast, Amber walked away with the $1 million prize and a modest diamond engagement ring from Boston Rob, in the season finale of "Survivor."...
Read full storyTexas Bus Conductor Repeatedly Survives Electric Chair
John Charles, a Dallas bus conductor has survived the electric chair several times. His is a remarkable story which is told by Scott Mendes the reporter who covered it for Reuters.
Read full storyChristina Aguilera Downgraded By Wachovia Securities
NEW YORK, April 27 (New Ratings) - Analysts at Wachovia Securities downgraded Christina Aguilera (NYSE: STD) from "skanky but doable" to "not with a ten foot pole."...
Read full storyVirgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich attributed to Cheesus
PORT TRINITY, TN - Just when everyone thought the Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich on Ebay was the most famous holy food relic to date, along comes Harvey Romano of Port Trinity, Tennessee, with his claim to a Velveeta holy sculpture.
Read full storyGeorge Bush violated by Elmo during forthcoming election speech
The world thought of Elmo as a cuddly little puppet beloved by children everywhere but that all changed today when Elmo crept up behind George W. Bush after administering enormous amouts of viagra to himself and beg...
Read full storyNeverland Ranch For Sale (Classified Ad)
NAMBLA Times For sale to NAMBLA (North American Man-Boy Love Association) member in good standing, one 37,000 SF Estate named “Neverland Ranch”. Known as the “Crown Jewel of Beverly Hills”, this exciting property sits high atop a steep cliff where you can spot police cars and irate parents coming from miles away.
Read full storyRachel McAdams; Mean girl on and off screen
Rachel McAdams may of only just hit the hollywood scene, but she's already causing a stir. The 28-year old Mean Girls and The Notebook star has been described as "very fussy and suitable for the mean girls movie." By her
Read full storyMaria Sharapova Signs Deal
Maria Sharapova really needs an antiperspirant that works on those huge Russian armpits. "My pits got a heavy workout this past week at Wimbledon. I never would have won if I didn't use Arrid Brand deodorant. Arrid kept me dry while my oppon...
Read full storyMassage and fellatio head dentists' poll to ease tension
A Leeds-based dental practice is taking the pain and stress out of a visit to the surgery and replacing it with pleasure.
Read full storyGoogle to shut down Gmail
Google confirmed that it will shut down its beta Gmail email service in July.
Read full storyAsteroid plummets toward Britney Spears concert -- NASA launches rocket in attempt to speed it up
Astronomers who spotted a near-earth object approximately 220,000 miles from our planet have calculated the speed and trajectory of the object in relation to orbit speed. They have concluded that the large asteroid will impact directly on the San Die...
Read full storyRight Breast Spotted at Half-time -- Left Pup a No-Show at Super Bowl!
Tits Have a History of Exposure!...
Read full storyAngry Vegetables - A Threat to Health?
Washington, D.C., U.S.A. - Scientists at the Scientific Test Area for Recent Vegetable Eating (S.T.A.R.V.E.) have confirmed that the vegetarian movement may be causing a significant shift in the natural order of our food chain.
Read full storyAmerican Idol Stunner: Simon Cowell Fired For Sexually Harassing Paula Abdul
LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell was fired from American Idol this morning for sexually harassing Paula Abdul. Sources close to Miss Abdul say that she is livid. Apparently, six months ago, Simon bet Paula that he'd have her "spanking daddy" in bed, within...
Read full storyMadonna quits show biz; press blames her tits
REDONDO BEACH, Calif. -- In a shocking announcement, Madonna is calling her show business career quits. Rumors persist that the decision has all to do with the diva's tits.
Read full storyHurricane Charlie "farts" on Florida
St. Petersburgh, FL- According to Deputy Assistant Weather Chairperson on Hurricane Development and Other Related Things (DAWCHDORT), Michael Snodgrass, Florida is in for a titanic blast from nature. The trail end of hurricane Charlie will be shooti...
Read full storyResearch Reveals More Women Purchase Cars at Night
DETROIT FREE PRESS A study recently completed by the Ford Motor Company shows that women are twice as likely to shop for cars during the evening as...
Read full storySanta Claus Outsources To India
In the Santa Clause Village in Rovaniemi, Finland, Christmas is a yearlong affair. Though Santa collects lists and delivers presents in a few days before Christmas, workers at the Santa Claus Operations (SCO) centre have to work all throughout the ye...
Read full storyGollum Fired from Hobbit Movie
Gollum, one of the stars of movie director Peter Jackson's epic Lord of the Rings trilogy, has been dramatically sacked from the cast of The Hobbit.
Read full storyKen Jennings reveals Jeopardy! winning strategy
As rumors continue that Ken Jennings has lost his 75th Jeopardy! competition, he has decided to reveal his winning strategy...and the reason his record-breaking stance as the largest money winner in Jeopardy! history has ended.
Read full storyQuel Surprise! France announces a complete ban of sexist and homophobic comments.
Paris, France - In an extraordinary turn of events, France's National Assembly, not content with making sexist and homophobic remarks illegal, has now banned the use of stereotypes as well.
Read full storySatan University
(Auburn, Alabama) Auburn University will change its name as of July 1, 2004 to Satan University. Speaking to the assembled press outside the Haley Center, Auburn President Joey Klind made the announcement saying it...
Read full storyVatican Report: The Inquisition wasn't that bad...George W. Bush Agrees
Vatican Officials have released a report saying that although the Inquisition burned people at the stake, stretched them to death on the rack, maimed and abused tens of thousands and possibly millions just because they weren't Roman Catholic, it real...
Read full storyElmo detained at Guantanamo Bay
Lovable and cuddly child icon Elmo was deported today to Camp X-ray, Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, charged with planning acts of terror against the state.
Read full storyNext "Survivor" Underway
Los Angeles, CA- Mark Burnett, producer and creator of the popular "Survivor" reality series on CBS, announced taping is underway for "Survivor: Antarctica", set to premier next fall.
Read full storyHockey Hit-Man Bertuzzi Makes Many Apologies, Says He Didn't Mean It
TORONTO, Canada (FP) -- Todd Bertuzzi, an All-Star NHL forward, publically apologized to Colorado's Steve Moore, the man whose neck he broke with one damaging punch.
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush possesses the Ring of Power
Washington -- The world was stunned today when President George W. Bush was found to be in possession of the One Ring to Rule Them All.
Read full storyNude Newborn Shocks Doc
Presque Isle, ME - If any more evidence of America's moral decay were needed, it came at 4:17 yesterday afternoon. In a delivery room at the Aroostook Medical Center, Dr. Joyce Hebert brought a healthy 7.7 lbs. baby boy into this world; but imagine...
Read full storyAlways keep your condoms in your car
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouse...
Read full storyPaula Zahn Has Orgasm On Live TV!
WASHINGTON (CNN) Cable News Network news anchor Paula Zahn had an unusual interview Wednesday evening with presidential candidate John Kerry. Discu...
Read full storyMan sues Smith & Wesson after failed suicide attempt
DETROIT - A Michigan man has announced a lawsuit against gun-maker Smith & Wesson after a supposedly failed suicide attempt. Marko Splitzman, a thirty-something man with a history of depression, suffered severe head injuries after attempting to kill...
Read full story15 Year-Old French Girl Gets Book Published: Writers Commit Mass Suicide
New York -- Flavia Bujor, a 15 year old girl from Paris, France became a published author this past week, sparking a wave of mass-suicides among writers across the globe.
Read full storyCarrot Top Does More Commercials; Suicide Rate Rises
Comedian Carrot Top has recently supplied AT&T with a new commercial, much to the disappointment of nearly everyone everywhere. "You know, for a while there I was almost sure he had died - I thought I even read about it somewhere." Said an...
Read full storyPassion Of The Christ: A Warlock Hunt
Much controversy has surrounded Mel Gibson's film about the brutal torture and murder of humanity's most well-known religious figure. Taken from the gospel accounts in the Bible, the story revolves around the people who were ultimately respon...
Read full storyMartha Stewart's Replacement Finally Found
NEW YORK, NEW YORK - After a six month struggle through open casting calls with stringent negative qualifications required for candidates to make it beyond the initial application phase in a search to replace the now-tainted hostess, Martha St...
Read full storyParis Hilton to Have Sex on Next SpaceshipOne Mission!
"I've had sex everywhere else; now I want to do it in space!" says Paris Hilton, slutty heiress to the Hilton Hotel fortune. "I've already booked passage on that new private Spaceship One. Rick Salomon is going up with me and...
Read full story"Seinfeld" actor Jason Alexander aroused, thinks he married Britney Spears
Actor Jason Alexander, the short, stocky and balding actor of "Seinfeld" fame, awoke this morning after a long night of partying, and was stunned but visibly aroused after reading the USA Today and learning that he had married pop star Brit...
Read full storyHumane Treatment for Hitler's Offspring?
Hitler's putative offspring liked to talk about destroying anencephalic infants. They claimed that beings like the anencephalic are useless. They believed that such infants should be allowed to die, unlike the medical society in this country which believes in providing warmth and ventilation until such infants expire naturally. Sure, the young Hitler’s had the influence of Herr Fuh...
Read full storyKing Kong remake stalled over penis dispute
Renowned director Steven Spielberg's remake of the 1933 cult monster classic ‘King Kong' has stalled in the pre-production phase, in a row over whether the giant ape should have a visible 10-foot penis.
Read full storyMike Tyson to Host Reality Series, Faces Lawsuits
A day after regaining his license to fight in the state of New Jersey, former heavyweight champion of the world Mike Tyson announced that he has begun taping a reality show titled "Black Eye for the White Guy" for the Bravo network. The sho...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Shocking Revelation: Simon Cowell Confesses To Secret Crush on Latoya London
LOS ANGELES Wednesday May 12th 2004.
Read full storyBest Dressed at the 2004 Oscars
Hollywood, CA In respect to the Super Tuesday yesterday, fashionistas waited to give their final review of Oscar's best and worst dressed.
Read full storyWorld Idol In Hot Soup, and other Idol News
After Last Night's announcement, World Idol winner Kurt Nilsen, from Norway, has been offered an advertising deal, by Campbell's Soup. Nilsen, who sports a huge gap between his teeth, will be seen on billboards all over the world, sucking soup throug...
Read full storyBrett Favre to finally correct spelling of his last name
In an announcement that has rocked the sporting world at it's core, quarterback Brett Favre has finally admitted his ancestors made a horrible mistake in the spelling of the family's last name.
Read full storyOscar Wrap-Up
Hollywood, CA The 76th Annual Academy Awards were last night. Charlize Theron won for Best Actress proving that Oscar believes that when a pret...
Read full storyHard Time for Kerry at First Transvestite Concert
Senator Kerry held his first joint Transvestite Concert with British comedian Eddie Izzard in San Francisco. 12 additional Transvestite concerts were scheduled as Kerry attempts to appeal to another minority group in his bid for the Presidency. Sen...
Read full storyBush Becomes Iraqi President Ahead Of U.S. Elections
Iraqi state television announced yesterday evening that U.S. President George W. Bush has been elected the new Iraqi president. Bush will be taking over from the former "interim" President Ghazi Yawer.
Read full storySimon Cowell Fired From American Idol Due To Passing on William Hung
After William Hung's CD, Inspiration, went platinum, American Idol judge Simon Cowell was fired from the show.
Read full storyKerry Selects Pee Wee Herman as Running Mate!
Los Angeles, CA. - John Kerry has announced his running mate for the 2004 election - Pee Wee Herman.
Read full storyOops! Britney Gets Married Again...to William Hung!
Britney Spears has decided that her first wedding wasn't shocking enough so she got married in a quickie Vegas ceremony again.
Read full storyAmerican Idol Shock And Awe: Simon Cowell Heart Attack; Argues With Spoof Writer KungFu IceSkater
The only music industry executive who actually deserves to change his name (from Clive Davis to "The Smackdown" or "Head Pimp In Charge") caused Simon Cowell, raconteur extraordinaire and future star of "The Limey 2", to have a heart attack early Wed...
Read full storyApple Introduces Expensive White Box with Holes, Plug, and Logo
SILICON VALLEY, CA June 8 - Apple today unveiled a new device called iBOX. This attractive white box plugs into a typical wall socket and draws an economical 650 watts of power simply to light up the its useless logo. However, befor...
Read full storyAFL-CIO Supports Intestinal Bacteria Strike Plan
Colon - Frustrated by what they referred to as "inhumane" conditions, tens of millions of bacteria in your large intestine issued a comprehensive set of work rules demands today. Ranging from improved lighting and ventilation to greater security, th...
Read full storyLow-Down on the Don Ho American Idol Conspiracy
USA -- The whole country was in shock from 9:55 - 9:57 EST last night as LaToya London was voted off of American Idol. "Man, this i...
Read full storyNew American Idol Controversy
Hollywood, Ca -- There is a new American Idol controversy behind the scenes that you may or may not know about. This Spoof reporter goes to th...
Read full storyApple Computer Issues Gwyneth Paltrow Ultimatum: Rename your baby or we sue
The head honchos at Apple Computer have contacted Gwyneth Paltrow and her rocker-husband, Chris Martin, and told them in no uncertain terms that they must rename their baby.
Read full storyAdam Sandler Found Lost at Sea, Teen Declared "Savior"
Well, will these celebrities ever be careful traveling like this?? Writers and interviewers here at The Spoof have heard that comedian actor Adam Sandler, usually always laughing and cracking hilarious jokes, surprisingly was found sobbing in...
Read full storyInterview with the Master Chief
Once just another soldier whose heroic exploits went unheard of and unknown, Master Chief was rocketed to stardom level with the release of a videogame titled 'Halo', loosely based off of his exploits in the military. Long-since retired, he now spends most of his time with his wife and twin children at their home in Billings, Montana. Recently, I had a chance to catch up to Master Chief an...
Read full storyJohn Kerry Captures Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan
ISLAMABAD. In a mighty strike to the core of infamous terror group Al-Qaeda, Democratic Presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry , assisted by a small privately contracted army of expert fighters and strategists, captured terrorist leader Osama bin La...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Winner Announced
Yes, almost two full days before the results show, this reporter has learned who will win American Idol.
Read full storyU.S. Secret Service Use of President George W. Bush Clones, to Act as Body Doubles, Questioned
Washington, D.C. -- April 6, 2004...
Read full storyRonald McDonald Arrested!
McDonalds frontman Ronald McDonald was arrested today after police caught him in the middle of a lewd act in the toilet of a McDonalds restaurant.
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden Will Attend Reagan Funeral
Washington (AP) Osama Bin Laden is going to try to attend Ronald Reagan's funeral this week. The CIA reports a high level of chatter on several Middle East channels that indicate the terrorist leader will alter his appearance in order to show up with...
Read full storyMel Gibson plans The Passion of the Devil
Mel Gibson is not giving up after the unprecedented success of his film The Passion of the Christ. He will now make The Passion of the Devil.
Read full story