Maria Sharapova Signs Deal

Funny story written by Morgan Truce

Monday, 5 July 2004

image for Maria Sharapova Signs Deal

Maria Sharapova really needs an antiperspirant that works on those huge Russian armpits. "My pits got a heavy workout this past week at Wimbledon. I never would have won if I didn't use Arrid Brand deodorant. Arrid kept me dry while my opponents got soaked. I don't know what Serena Williams was using, but she was sweating so much, I think it cost her the game."

Maria Sharapova was generous enough to give important tips to rising tennis stars: "First, be sure to shave your armpits very, very carefully; any nicks will interfere with your backhand. Then, be sure to apply at least six coats of Arrid Brand antiperspirant -- letting each coat dry thoroughly before applying the next layer. Finally, be sure to pack a whole case of Arrid into your tennis bag so that you can touch up your armpits between serves."

Church & Dwight Co., makers of Arrid, is now the proud sponsor of Maria Sharapova, replacing Nike. "Once we saw her armpits, we just fell in love with her!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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