Diana Degarmo's Meltdown

Funny story written by Panndyra

Friday, 28 May 2004

image for Diana Degarmo's Meltdown
America, I am not as sweet as I look!

Diana Degarmo finally broke down and cried today. "I'm so f***in' sick and tired of being the nice and sweet girl. I ain't got no street cred since doing this whack American Idol. People don't even think I'm latina enough. It sucks. F**k Fantasia. I should've won."

It seems that all the stress of the past few weeks and the fact that the judges ruined her chances of winning the other night when they all but announced that "America would be stupid to make you our American Idol. Fantasia is better and she won't get us charged with racism. Go home, little girl. Go home and go to your prom."

"Yeah, Diana was really hurt about they way they shoved her aside at the finale, but she's a trooper. She'll get through this. I know I can help her understand how to succeed in this business without the endorsement of people like Simon Cowell," Justin Guarini, the first season runner-up who has been treated like chopped liver ever since that whole From Justin to Kelly crap.

"I mean really. It's like they blamed me for the whole movie mess. It wasn't my fault. Did Kelly's career suffer as a result? NO. But, I'm not bitter. I have my fans and I'm going to make it on my own." Justin said.

So, will the two runner-ups consider working together? Justin says, "Yeah, in a heartbeat. We could both use the exposure. American Idol is not exposed enough to this country and well, you just have to hop on every opportunity that comes our way, even if they are so few and far between."

Attempts to interview Diana returned a nasty, "Step off bitch and, I know you ain't gonna come here and be startin' somethin'. I love every-f***in' person affiliated with American Idol. Yes I do. And that song Tamyra Gray wrote for the winner was not custom made for Fantasia. It wasn't. I'm just happy to be a finalist, really I am."

John Stevens was seen leaving Diana's room. He said, "There's nothing going on between us. I was just bringing her some Haagen Dazs. We were talking about backwards racism and how cruel this whole business can be. I cheered her up by reading her some of my hate mail and playing back voice mail death threats. It was a hoot."

Elton John had this to say, "As a white person, I am glad that people who are white or suspected to be white know that they have no right to be in this industry anymore, unless they are gay. I did Diana and John Stevens a favor. I am pleased that I could help American Idol end this way."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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