Hard Time for Kerry at First Transvestite Concert

Funny story written by Professor Jabo

Monday, 2 August 2004


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Senator Kerry Before and After First Tranvestite Concert

Senator Kerry held his first joint Transvestite Concert with British comedian Eddie Izzard in San Francisco. 12 additional Transvestite concerts were scheduled as Kerry attempts to appeal to another minority group in his bid for the Presidency. Senator Kerry planned to use the concerts to sign up 75,000+ founding members in the Transvestites for Kerry organization who will campaign door to door for him in the key battleground states.

During his solo set, Izzard was well received with his combination of wit, intellect and slapstick comedy. He reprised a modified version of his popular "Cake or Death" routine. The routine featured President Bush negotiating with Sadam Hussein. The audience, composed of straights, gays, lesbians and transvestites, applauded repeatedly through out his performance.

During his solo set, Senator Kerry appeared in a gorgeous Christian Dior gown with a special hair arrangement by "Curls R Us". However, the mood of the audience changed for the worse as Kerry started into his set and droned on falling into his standard stump speech instead of offering a comedy routine. Some modifications were added in line with most Democratic Party speeches and offered several proposals aimed to gather support from the audience at hand.

Kerry promised:
1. Federal subsidies for season wardrobe changes for transvestites.
2. To create special transvestite units in each of the armed services. He proposed a congressional committee to decide on uniforms and duties to be performed by transvestites.
3. To introduce a bill in congress to allow non-same sex marriages for transvestites.
4. To require cosmetic companies to lower their prices so transvestites, especially elderly transvestites, don't have to go to Canada for cheaper cosmetics.
5. Two Gucci bags in every transvestite closet.

Senator Kerry lost what support he had left in the audience when he mistakenly referred to drag queens as Dairy Queens and proposed financial incentives to Dairy Queens who joined the USO and went to Guantanimo Bay to entertain the troops and detainees.

Reacting to the growing dissent in the audience, Senator Kerry quickly changed dresses and attempted a song and dance routine. Although aids had previously reported that Kerry was nimble in a dress and wig, the senator slipped and lurched into the audience landing on rows 1,2,3,4 and 5 hitting 3 gays, 4 lesbians, 5 transvestites, 2 priests and a nun. Minor injuries were treated on the spot.

Aids and Secret Service Agents in drag quickly ran forward (somewhat impaired by high heels) to hustle a visibly upset and disheveled Senator Kerry (see photo above) off stage and into a waiting SUV.

Aids later announced Senator Kerry would reevaluate the wisdom of the remaining transvestite concerts in the planned series.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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