Michael Moore and Vin Diesel sign up for ‘Da Vinci Code' movie

Funny story written by Harry Porter

Friday, 8 October 2004

image for Michael Moore and Vin Diesel sign up for ‘Da Vinci Code' movie
Da Vinci's Mona Lisa when viewed upside down through a tinted mirror

Film-maker Michael Moore, renowned for his documentary work on Bowling for Columbine and Fahrenheit 9/11, has agreed to turn his style and skill to the forthcoming movie of the international bestseller ‘The Da Vinci Code'.

Dan Brown's blockbuster thriller of religious intrigue spanning the centuries will allow Moore to challenge elements of the Roman Catholic Church which have been suppressed since its very foundation.

Columbia Pictures secured the much sought after motion picture rights and much of the movie, starring Vin Diesel as the Harvard professor of symbology Robert Langdon, will be shot in split screen with Moore's documentary analysis running alongside the unfolding drama.

Now filming in Paris and Bratislava, 'The Da Vinci Code' centres on one of the greatest mysteries of mankind, a two millennium conspiracy, clues to which are encoded in the paintings and writings of Leonardo Da Vinci, if you look at them upside down in a tinted mirror.

While Brown's novel is fiction, its core is factual and Michael Moore is seen as the obvious choice to weave the two together, unraveling the mystery and leaving much food for thought.

It is, of course, fully expected that his conclusions may raise more than a few eyebrows.

The book itself sparked a wave of controversy, claiming that:

• Christ was Scottish and emigrated from Rosslyn to the Middle East because the weather was better

• Mary Magdalene took French citizenship and started the café culture as well as inventing the filled half baguette

• The Knights Templar were originally known as the Temple Knitters and made a fortune from sales of their woollen surcoats during the Crusades

• Masonic Lodges have flourished for centuries because they are able to offer rock-bottom prices on draught beer

• The Catholic organisation, Opus Dei, believes in an omnipotent force known as ‘God'.

• Dyslexic agnostics often wake up in the wee small hours wondering if there is a Dog

• Priests dilute perfectly good Hungarian Merlot for the Eucharist.

• The Vatican was originally planned for Syria but Italy was chosen because the food was better.

Amy Pascal, Chairman of Columbia Pictures, said: "We know Michael Moore is a controversial figure in his own right, so who better to offer the viewing public an insight into this Catholic controversy?

"The movie should be a real money-spinning hoot, as well as being highly educational."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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