Written by Dan Bristol

Monday, 10 May 2004

image for George W. Bush possesses the Ring of Power
George W. Bush: Lord of the Rings

Washington -- The world was stunned today when President George W. Bush was found to be in possession of the One Ring to Rule Them All.

The President, who had been gone for much of the afternoon, appeared at a scheduled press conference wearing the Ring and hissing at reporters, saying "Nasssssty little Iraqissssss! Mustn't let them have the Precioussss!"

The One Ring, said to possess the power to rule the world in an eternity of darkness, appears to give the President unusual powers, such as the ability to see weapons of mass destruction when no one else can. It can also make him a paranoid megalomaniac bent on ruling the world.

"Well, that wasn't really much of a stretch for him," sources told The Spoof. "He's been bound and determined to rule the world ever since he took office. Plus, he's kinda freaky anyway."

When asked what policy shifts would be implied by his possession of the One Ring, the President hissed and ate a raw fish.

Tomorrow, the President, who now wishes to be adressed as "Massssssster", will unveil his new military initiative for restoring order in Iraq: a hybrid race of Republican goblins called Dumbass-Hai.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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