Letters to the editor Scottish version
Dear Sir Smile though your heart is aching Why is Nick Clegg looking so glum? He sits next to his new best friend, the Prime Minister, at PMQ's but he does not appear to participate. The Prime Minister throws his old Etonian jokes back at the Labour Party and sometimes the jokes are funny. Nick doesn't laugh. Is he playing both sides at the same time? Perhaps he is still hiding his fu...
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World War Three Starts Over FIFA 2018 World Cup
LONDON & MOSCOW - After revelations that Russia is hosting the 2018 World Cup, Britain have started WW3 with Russia. David Cameron, coming to Cabinet in a drunken stupor, mostly to drown his sorrows of the lost investment, ordered his Cabinet...
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Man's Terrifying Dreams Come True
A man in Battambang awoke in a cold sweat this morning after a restless night during which he had several nightmares, but this was only the start of his torture, as the disturbing things he had experienced whilst asleep, began to reveal themselves as...
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Vuvuzela Found Stuck Up Man's Arse
Medical staff have told how a man was admitted to a Johannesburg hospital this morning with a vuvuzela protruding out of his arse. The local man, who had been blowing his 'horn' at the South Africa v. Uruguay game, had, apparently, been attacked b...
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Tiddlywinks World Cup To Come To Britain
Sports Minister, George Sad, unveiled Britain's bid to host the 2020 Tiddlywinks World Cup in his monthly press conference yesterday. Early estimates suggested that hosting the popular event will cost around £300 million. Mr Sad dismissed that...
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JT Can't Keep the Gnome Fires Burning Like Rio
Love rat and former England and Chelsea statue John Terry has failed miserably to take a leaf out of Rio Ferdinand's book on happy families, writes Virginia Ratpoison. Ferdinand recently bought four garden gnomes for his Cheshire mansion, and had...
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The Word in Rustenburg, South Africa is That World Cup Player Ashley Cole Has Dated Each One of The Members of The All-Girl Band, The Saturdays
World Religious League, News, Standings
Artificial Clouds For World Cup
Beckham Stakes Claim For World Cup Berth
Paul The Octopus Predicts Saturday's National Lottery Numbers
World War II: the real story
Kevin Keegan Withdraws From England World Cup Squad
'FIFA inserted 45-minute claim into dodgy dossier' - Campbell
Prostitutes Welcome French Team Home
World Cup in danger as "Boer" Eugene Terreblanche is "topped" by black farmers boys!
Mia Hamm and Nomar Garciaparra Parents of Twin Girls
The Ethiopian Football Team Drops Out of The World Cup Finals
Nicolas Anelka To Be Sent To Devil's Island
Disgraced France football star Nicolas Anelka is preparing this morning to set sail for French Guiana aboard a prison ship bound for the penal colony of Devil's Island. The island is the place to where Hollywood stars Steve McQueen - wrongly accus...
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England: Fourth Place Is Coming Home!
Let the celebrations begin! The England football team, so often derided in the past and labelled 'disappointing' at major tournaments, have at last 'completed the job', 'delivered the goods', and, in one last pathetic strain for a brilliant flower...
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Heather Mills Takes Over Becks Rehab Says: He'll Definitely Be Ready for Cup!
The world's richest one legged Tango dancer and Ice Folly performer, Heather Mills, has taken over the rehabilitation of one legged soccer player David Beckham. Beckham, crestfallen, in deep depression and sobbing uncontrollably was ruled out of...
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Vuvuzelas Can Be Heard 'Even After TV Has Been Switched Off'
Viewers of the BBC's World Cup coverage have swamped the organisation's switchboard in recent days complaining that the droning that accompanies the football matches can be heard 'even after TV sets have been turned off'. The Beeb said this morni...
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Irate Fans Demand Refunds Following Boring Uruguay v Ghana World Cup QF
Thousands of irate vuvuzela blowing fans gathered outside the Soccer City Stadium in Johannesburg last night demanding their money back after what will probably go down in history as the most tedious, uneventful World Cup game ever. The game, betw...
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Desperate Fab-u-loseio Capello invites top South African Witch Doctor to rid England of the ancient curse. 'Loseritis"!
In a last ditch, desperate attempt to save England, a speachless Fab-u-loseio Capello has ordered a top Zuid Afrikaans Witch Doctor in to try and rid England of that ancient curse "Loseritis". (translated in perfect Zulu = Spoilt Brat-itis) Jagged...
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Check out anything you've missed with the archive:
Neymar Offered 'Role' In EastEnders
Brazilian footballer Neymar has been wowing the crowds at the World Cup in Russia with some stunning performances, and 2 goals so far, but the fans are not the only people the 26-year-old has been impressing. Executives at the BBC have been meetin...
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Golden Shower Dampens World Cup Final Celebrations
France and Croatia provided a stunning finale to the World Cup last night, and, in a wonderful show of footballing skills, the French ran out 4-2 victors. Sadly, there was an unfortunate footnote to the tournament, when an argument broke out over the...
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News has leaked out that Paul the Psychic Octopus has been cloned by German Scientists in readiness for next World Cup
News has reached us that, before Paul the Psychic Octopus passed on to the great blue yonder, scientists in Germany had a plan to clone him. After all, they had nothing to lose and everything to gain. This top secret scientific plan was passed on...
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Fabio Capello's English National Team Has Been Given Some "Ball Pointers" From Dr. Andy Harland
LONDON - Dr. Andy Harland is the designer of the new Adidas Jabulani football that will be used in the World Cup matches. Dr. Andy, as he is called by is wife and most of his kids, said that he actually worked on the football project with a crack...
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English soccer "WAGS" arrive in South Africa and protest because there are no luxury boutiques in Rustenburg, shock, horror!
English soccer 'Wags" (wives and girlfriends) renowned for their ability to spend, spend and spend even more have arrived in Rustenburg, South Africa and are completely devastated. No Gucci's, Cartiers, Dolce Cabana's luxury boutiques, etc, just p...
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The Secret England Footballer: Colombia Pays the Penalty - Eventually
I'm penalty taker. Yes, I bloody am, really. Except for last night that is, thanks to that bastard "Mr. Southgate". I promise you, I am going to stick one on him soon. Look at it this way. There I am a seasoned professional among all these pretty...
Read full storyFunny World Cup Headlines
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Stanley Cup Bigger than World Cup, Contends NHL; FIFA Protests
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World Bank Offers to Bail Out Switzerland if Swiss Banks Fail
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Extremist clerics forbid Kenyans not wearing Burka's to watch the World Cup!
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World Cup 2018: New Lord Triesman Scandal
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Vuvuzela banned - stadiums at risk of collapse
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Vuvuzelas Recalled Due To Choking Hazard
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Paris Hilton in Police Custody in South Africa on Vuvuzela Bong Charges
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Paul the Psychic Octopus' Tentacles Insured for $1 million each
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Michael Becker Says That The Reason Germany Lost To Spain Is Because of Its Gay Players
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Concern As Football Supporter Defections Reach New High
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World Cup cancelled as South Africa will be covered with Black Cloud of Volcanic Ash
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FIFA 2010 World Cup: The 'Hand of God' runs over a leg!
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Brazilian footy team give Zimbabweans something to laugh about, or?
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Ron Manager vents his spleen at England Team!
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South African Zulus Surround Johannesburg
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Wayne Rooney Boos England Fan
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England Fans Advised Against Singing Two World Wars And One World Cup Song
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Britain defeated by Compare the Meerkat in World Cup bid
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Man on the Street: England Loses 2018 World Cup Bid to Russia
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Falkland Islands to bid for the 2026 FIFA World Cup.
