Funny story: Letters to the editor Scottish version

Letters to the editor Scottish version

Dear Sir Smile though your heart is aching Why is Nick Clegg looking so glum? He sits next to his new best friend, the Prime Minister, at PMQ's but he does not appear to participate. The Prime Minister throws his old Etonian jokes back at the Labour Party and sometimes the jokes are funny. Nick doesn't laugh. Is he playing both sides at the same time? Perhaps he is still hiding his fu...

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Funny story: World War Three Starts Over FIFA 2018 World Cup

World War Three Starts Over FIFA 2018 World Cup

LONDON & MOSCOW - After revelations that Russia is hosting the 2018 World Cup, Britain have started WW3 with Russia. David Cameron, coming to Cabinet in a drunken stupor, mostly to drown his sorrows of the lost investment, ordered his Cabinet...

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Funny story: Man's Terrifying Dreams Come True

Man's Terrifying Dreams Come True

A man in Battambang awoke in a cold sweat this morning after a restless night during which he had several nightmares, but this was only the start of his torture, as the disturbing things he had experienced whilst asleep, began to reveal themselves as...

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Funny story: Vuvuzela Found Stuck Up Man's Arse

Vuvuzela Found Stuck Up Man's Arse

Medical staff have told how a man was admitted to a Johannesburg hospital this morning with a vuvuzela protruding out of his arse. The local man, who had been blowing his 'horn' at the South Africa v. Uruguay game, had, apparently, been attacked b...

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Funny story: Tiddlywinks World Cup To Come To Britain

Tiddlywinks World Cup To Come To Britain

Sports Minister, George Sad, unveiled Britain's bid to host the 2020 Tiddlywinks World Cup in his monthly press conference yesterday. Early estimates suggested that hosting the popular event will cost around £300 million. Mr Sad dismissed that...

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Funny story: JT Can't Keep the Gnome Fires Burning Like Rio

JT Can't Keep the Gnome Fires Burning Like Rio

Love rat and former England and Chelsea statue John Terry has failed miserably to take a leaf out of Rio Ferdinand's book on happy families, writes Virginia Ratpoison. Ferdinand recently bought four garden gnomes for his Cheshire mansion, and had...

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Funny story: Nicolas Anelka To Be Sent To Devil's Island

Nicolas Anelka To Be Sent To Devil's Island

Disgraced France football star Nicolas Anelka is preparing this morning to set sail for French Guiana aboard a prison ship bound for the penal colony of Devil's Island. The island is the place to where Hollywood stars Steve McQueen - wrongly accus...

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Funny story: England: Fourth Place Is Coming Home!

England: Fourth Place Is Coming Home!

Let the celebrations begin! The England football team, so often derided in the past and labelled 'disappointing' at major tournaments, have at last 'completed the job', 'delivered the goods', and, in one last pathetic strain for a brilliant flower...

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Funny story: Heather Mills Takes Over Becks Rehab Says: He'll Definitely Be Ready for Cup!

Heather Mills Takes Over Becks Rehab Says: He'll Definitely Be Ready for Cup!

The world's richest one legged Tango dancer and Ice Folly performer, Heather Mills, has taken over the rehabilitation of one legged soccer player David Beckham. Beckham, crestfallen, in deep depression and sobbing uncontrollably was ruled out of...

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Funny story: Vuvuzelas Can Be Heard 'Even After TV Has Been Switched Off'

Vuvuzelas Can Be Heard 'Even After TV Has Been Switched Off'

Viewers of the BBC's World Cup coverage have swamped the organisation's switchboard in recent days complaining that the droning that accompanies the football matches can be heard 'even after TV sets have been turned off'. The Beeb said this morni...

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Funny story: Irate Fans Demand Refunds Following Boring Uruguay v Ghana World Cup QF

Irate Fans Demand Refunds Following Boring Uruguay v Ghana World Cup QF

Thousands of irate vuvuzela blowing fans gathered outside the Soccer City Stadium in Johannesburg last night demanding their money back after what will probably go down in history as the most tedious, uneventful World Cup game ever. The game, betw...

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Funny story: Desperate Fab-u-loseio Capello invites top South African Witch Doctor to rid England of the ancient curse. 'Loseritis"!

Desperate Fab-u-loseio Capello invites top South African Witch Doctor to rid England of the ancient curse. 'Loseritis"!

In a last ditch, desperate attempt to save England, a speachless Fab-u-loseio Capello has ordered a top Zuid Afrikaans Witch Doctor in to try and rid England of that ancient curse "Loseritis". (translated in perfect Zulu = Spoilt Brat-itis) Jagged...

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Funny story: Neymar Offered 'Role' In EastEnders

Neymar Offered 'Role' In EastEnders

Brazilian footballer Neymar has been wowing the crowds at the World Cup in Russia with some stunning performances, and 2 goals so far, but the fans are not the only people the 26-year-old has been impressing. Executives at the BBC have been meetin...

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Funny story: Vuvuzela Found Under Boy's Bed

Vuvuzela Found Under Boy's Bed

In what has been described as "nothing short of an everyday occurrence", a woman in the Potteries yesterday discovered another amazing item under her 9-year-old son's bed - a vuvuzela! Karen Low-Cal, 45, from Stoke, was rummaging about under Child...

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Funny story: Lucky England Through To Last 16

Lucky England Through To Last 16

England progressed to the last 16 of the World Cup last night after they defeated a plucky Panama side 6-1, but it might have been all so different. Harry Kane, England's captain, scored a hat-trick, but it was was probably the most fortunate in h...

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Funny story: Golden Shower Dampens World Cup Final Celebrations

Golden Shower Dampens World Cup Final Celebrations

France and Croatia provided a stunning finale to the World Cup last night, and, in a wonderful show of footballing skills, the French ran out 4-2 victors. Sadly, there was an unfortunate footnote to the tournament, when an argument broke out over the...

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Funny story: News has leaked out that Paul the Psychic Octopus has been cloned by German Scientists in readiness for next World Cup

News has leaked out that Paul the Psychic Octopus has been cloned by German Scientists in readiness for next World Cup

News has reached us that, before Paul the Psychic Octopus passed on to the great blue yonder, scientists in Germany had a plan to clone him. After all, they had nothing to lose and everything to gain. This top secret scientific plan was passed on...

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Funny story: Fabio Capello's English National Team Has Been Given Some "Ball Pointers" From Dr. Andy Harland

Fabio Capello's English National Team Has Been Given Some "Ball Pointers" From Dr. Andy Harland

LONDON - Dr. Andy Harland is the designer of the new Adidas Jabulani football that will be used in the World Cup matches. Dr. Andy, as he is called by is wife and most of his kids, said that he actually worked on the football project with a crack...

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Funny story: English soccer "WAGS" arrive in South Africa and protest because there are no luxury boutiques in Rustenburg, shock, horror!

English soccer "WAGS" arrive in South Africa and protest because there are no luxury boutiques in Rustenburg, shock, horror!

English soccer 'Wags" (wives and girlfriends) renowned for their ability to spend, spend and spend even more have arrived in Rustenburg, South Africa and are completely devastated. No Gucci's, Cartiers, Dolce Cabana's luxury boutiques, etc, just p...

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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer: Colombia Pays the Penalty - Eventually

The Secret England Footballer: Colombia Pays the Penalty - Eventually

I'm penalty taker. Yes, I bloody am, really. Except for last night that is, thanks to that bastard "Mr. Southgate". I promise you, I am going to stick one on him soon. Look at it this way. There I am a seasoned professional among all these pretty...

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