Wales to get World Cup following successful Ryder Cup spell
The World Cup in Brazil has been cancelled after officials didn't want the Cup games to be linked with promoting the image of stroppy forward Robinho. Instead, they're coming to a place which loves football as much as Gordon Brown loves David Cameron...Read full story
Capello bans "Gay Daily Express" photographer from shooting his stars in the showers!
In an unprecedented show of aggro, Fabio Capello, England Manager, (you should know that by now!) was seen banning several press photographers from outside the England's team showers. The press were allowed in after a training session including...Read full story
England Drawn With Poland In World Cup Qualifying Group
In an unprecedented move, the FA are expected to field a team of naturalised Poles to represent England in the upcoming World Cup qualifying round against Poland. The move comes as English born players, heavily criticised in the press for their ex...Read full story
Heskey is an Algerian Mafia Spy!
Sensational news has just been revealed, in that Emile Heskey, the man that many did not want to travel with the England squad to the World Cup Finals, is in the pay of the Algerian mafia. Although generally classed as a donkey when it comes to fo...Read full story
Stanley Cup Bigger than World Cup, Contends NHL; FIFA Protests
EDMONTON, Alberta, Canada -- The National Hockey League, which is apparently unaware that Canada is not part of the United States, or vice versa, today presented indisputable evidence from a study in the making for the last three months show...Read full story
Fabio Capello invents new language of Capellese
England football manager Fabio Capello, who has had lessons to learn how to speak English, today decided to invent a new language instead. Speaking from FA headquarters in a chip shop off the Fulham Road, he held a press conference to give the med...Read full story
News has leaked out that Paul the Psychic Octopus has been cloned by German Scientists in readiness for next World Cup
News has reached us that, before Paul the Psychic Octopus passed on to the great blue yonder, scientists in Germany had a plan to clone him. After all, they had nothing to lose and everything to gain. This top secret scientific plan was passed on...Read full story
Venezuela To Sue South Africa Over Vuvuzela Mix-up
The government of Venezuela is to take legal action against the South African government over the confusion that has arisen between the Caribbean paradise and the vuvuzelas that have been relentlessly blown at the 2010 FIFA World Cup. Venezuela is...Read full story
Ron Manager vents his spleen at England Team!
When asked what he thought of England's recent form, Ron made the following rant: Aren't they? Wasn't it? Didn't they? 442, 224, 4321?! Pop goes the watsit, goalie, Green, small hands, big ball, mum calling him home for tea, beans on toast, rush goalie, giggsy, giggsy wiggsy, jumpers for goal posts, what a goal! Back of the thing, the shimmy, the shammy, is it? Football crazy, England for...Read full story
John Terry Revealed As German Sleeper Agent "I'm Gonna Win For Ze Fatherland"
The penny finally drops. We've known for a while that John Terry's recent erratic behaviour was perhaps part of a larger plan but only now can we truly appreciate the gravity of the situation. He's repeatedly mounted his team mate Wayne Bridge's...Read full story
England To Play Algeria Dressed In Body Armour
The Football Association has this morning announced that the England team to play in the crucial World Cup Group C game against Algeria in Cape Town on Friday will take the field clad in full body armour. The move is to counter any sinister plots...Read full story
Sepp Blatter - No Technology Required - Twat
Sepp Blatter, FIFA President, is a wanted man today. Not because people want to buy him a drink, or break bread with him, or engage him in smalltalk - he's a wanted man because he is regarded in England and Mexico as a twat of the highest order. A...Read full story
The Secret England Footballer: Colombia Pays the Penalty - Eventually
I'm penalty taker. Yes, I bloody am, really. Except for last night that is, thanks to that bastard "Mr. Southgate". I promise you, I am going to stick one on him soon. Look at it this way. There I am a seasoned professional among all these pretty...Read full story
Paul The Octopus Predicts Saturday's National Lottery Numbers
The octopus that has successfully predicted the outcomes of several World Cup football matches, has been at BBC Broadcasting House this afternoon to screen a special programme during which he forecasts what the winning numbers will be in Saturday's N...Read full story
England's official 2010 World Cup song to be by The Lightning Seeds
The FA today changed its mind and decided that England would have a World Cup song to take people's minds off their inevitable failure at winning that competition. This is it: 'Three Lions' '[spoken] Alan Hansen: I think all these foreign players dominating English clubs is bad for our game Trevor Brooking: We're just not good enough, we only won in sixty-six by a fix It won't come home...Read full story
Bill Clinton Ruins US Soccer Team's Chances at Winning World Cup
Durban, South Africa - Former President Bill Clinton was having the time of his life after the US Soccer Team scored a victory over Algeria, so much so that he decided to stay in town and hang with the fellas until their next match. This could have b...Read full story
World Cup 2010 - Comments, quotes, & Funnies!
So here is a collection of South Africa World Cup England 2010 Statements, comments & Funnies Assembled by unpaid decrepit reporter Inchcock Chambers * What's the difference between the England World Cup team and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer. * News Flash: Huge spike in sales of pink fairy tutus at Glastonbury Festival 2010 by blokes too embarrassed to wear their Eng...Read full story
Man's Terrifying Dreams Come True
A man in Battambang awoke in a cold sweat this morning after a restless night during which he had several nightmares, but this was only the start of his torture, as the disturbing things he had experienced whilst asleep, began to reveal themselves as...Read full story
Vuvuzela Found Stuck Up Man's Arse
Medical staff have told how a man was admitted to a Johannesburg hospital this morning with a vuvuzela protruding out of his arse. The local man, who had been blowing his 'horn' at the South Africa v. Uruguay game, had, apparently, been attacked b...Read full story