Hello and welcome to the 2millionth Annual Political Football Match for World Supremacy.
And we have the Fascists versus Antifa.
The North Korean and the American Republicans are going up against British Labour and the Taiwanese Environmentalists. But in this football match, anyone can join in anytime, invited or not, and steal the ball. That’s politics!
And there’s the ball, taken hard up the right wing – ironically by a rainbow-wearing left supporter of polar bears and hairy armpits!
Anti-Semitic Black Rappers have taken the ball … it’s passed to the Fat Capitalists – who deny ever having it as they mass produce more, charging a 5000 percent mark-up, and then throwing them all into the ocean …
And now a lesbian tree hugger and a teenage Swedish muckraker are holding a protest in the middle of the field, gluing their hands to each other and to the ground – the referee has called in for police back-up support – but wait! They’re Israeli police! They’re beating the shit out of the poor tree huggers as they shoot themselves in the arms and legs, calling themselves the victims and the dead the most evil ones of all. And now they’re joined by Florida cops – some of the most crooked in the world!
Evangelical Christians from the American Deep South have brought out the big guns – literally! They’re shooting anyone who has “different” skin color or a religion – except for the Saudis, who have more money than they do.
And the Chinese and Russians are working together … the Chinese are trying to buy everything and everyone – they’ve just bought the ball so no one else can play, or only those who call them a “great” nation and not the fascist asshole of the world … and it looks as though they’re trying to bribe the referee – but Hong Kong protesters with umbrellas have rushed onto the field to be sprayed with Chinese water cannons – at least, we think it’s water …
The Russians are more blunt – they’re using plutonium and some kind of liquid swab to kill their opponents, or “western pigdog decadent enemies of Mother Russia” – even going so far as to kill some of their own players, those who are having second thoughts about being Russian at all – wait, what’s this? A Ukrainian has just blown up a Russian coach!
A transsexual from Oregon has another ball (no puns intended, unless you want them to be and it doesn’t lead to “cancelling” a human being for exercising their freedom of speech) which the Chinese don’t own, and is taking it up the side lines, passing it over to a group of Iranian women who have taken off their headscarves and are cutting their hair – one of them has just jammed a fist of hair into the mouth of a Texas senator! Look out, ladies, he’s armed and full of “thoughts and prayers” … and now the ball if offside …
Stay tuned after the break for the halftime show, where the Left becomes Right and Right becomes Left, and they both lie cheat and steal to make themselves famous victims and their opponents the scum of the earth.
Who can tell which side is which? Human beings … I’d rather trust the ball.
(Can someone please speak to the Chinese guy to give the ball back?)
