George W. Bush possesses the Ring of Power
Washington -- The world was stunned today when President George W. Bush was found to be in possession of the One Ring to Rule Them All.Read full story
Osama Bin Laden Will Attend Reagan Funeral
Washington (AP) Osama Bin Laden is going to try to attend Ronald Reagan's funeral this week. The CIA reports a high level of chatter on several Middle East channels that indicate the terrorist leader will alter his appearance in order to show up with...Read full story
President George Bush Admits to Hot Affair with Geena Davis
WASHINGTON --- In a stunning announcement from the White House, it was confirmed that President Bush has been having a long-term relationship with actress Geena Davis. The couple surprised Washington insiders last evening when they appeared together...Read full story
Scientific Study II: "Poodles are Evil"
Gonad, Washington - After much study and collaboration, historians and scientist alike, have come to the conclusion, that poodles are indeed, evil. (This is a fact that many of us have known all along.) Poodles, in their words, are the spawn of Sat...Read full story
First Lady Laura Bush Looking Buff
WASHINGTON (AP) Wherever First Lady Laura Bush travels these days, people are remarking at how wonderful she looks. Visitors to the White House have noticed quite a change in Laura Bush's appearance. "She looks so… uh… healthy!&quo...Read full story
George Bush Claims He is Descended from Jesus Christ and Akhnaten and is Not "Human Trash"
WASHINGTON (AP)-President George Bush returned from the fourth Summit of the Americas held in Mar del Plata, Argentina on Monday with his tail between his legs, stung at being called "human trash" by Argentine soccer legend Diego Maradona, and called...Read full story
Matt Lesko arrested for selling Federal Government secrets
Washington DC - Last week, Matthew Lesko was taken into custody by FBI agents. Lesko was unavailable for comment, however FBI representative Chambers had this to say: "Mr. Lesko has been soliciting government secrets for years. Right under our n...Read full story
FDA warns of the dangers of excessive nose picking
Seattle, Washington - Jason Peters had a habit. It wasn't a very nice habit. His mother told him to use a Kleenex, but he just wouldn't listen. Unlike the nursery rhyme, when he stuck in his thumb he didn't get a plum... he got his own eyeball.Read full story
President Denies Codpiece
Washington D.C. -- The White House press office issued a release denying assertions that George Bush was wearing a codpiece last May when he alighted from a Navy S-3B Viking fighter onto the deck of the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln.Read full story
Scan THIS: New Tattoo Identity System on the Way
WASHINGTON, DC-Removing clothing, pat-downs and body cavity searches at airports across the nation will soon become a thing of the past. A new procedure will replace the antiquated airport screening process when recently passed legislation is enacted...Read full story
Walla Walla Gone with the Woke Winds
Walla Walla Washington, one of the more hilarious cities in America, is changing its name. It wants to be taken seriously. Too many busloads of wall jumpers are being sent from Texas to Walla Walla and laughing their asses off at America. When yo…Read full story
President Biden Agrees To Allow Scotland Yard To Open Up An Office In Washington, D.C.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki proudly announced that President Biden has agreed to let the highly prestigious Scotland Yard open up an office in the nation’s capital. Ms. Psaki stated that in the interest…Read full story
Gatorade Introduces New Meat Flavored Beverages
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON - After public demand and a 46-hour hunger strike, the Gatorade Corporation has finally approved plans for a brand new lineup of meat flavored sports drinks. Some of the upcoming flavors include Fierce Pork, Frosty Beef, a...Read full story
Former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry Announces Bid, Kool-Aid Endorsement
(Washington) Former Washington D.C. mayor Marion Barry, known for his past problems with cocaine use, announced this week his plans to run for office again in the district. Perhaps more surprising was Barry's statement that he had just...Read full story
President George Bush Drinking Again!
WASHINGTON (AP) Under withering political pressure, George Bush has been sneaking shots of whiskey to try to calm his nerves. With the entire country finally figuring out that George Bush is the most inept president since Hoover, Mr. Bush has begun...Read full story
Trump Plan Leaves Reporters Wall Eyed
Thursday, Presidente Donaldo Juan Trump outlined bold initiatives to finance the construction of an impenetrable barrier to the southern border of the United States. In a joint venture with the Church & Dwight Company, the first stage of the wall...Read full story
Paula Zahn Has Orgasm On Live TV!
WASHINGTON (CNN) - Cable News Network news anchor Paula Zahn had an unusual interview Wednesday evening with presidential candidate John Kerry. Discussing the event with Comedy Central's Jon Stewart, the beautiful star of the CNN newsroom said that t...Read full story
George Bush Acknowledges That He is "The Devil"
WASHINGTON (AP)-Days after Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez called President George W. Bush "the devil" during a speech to the United Nations, an accusation Chavez repeated on Thursday at a church in Harlem, Bush publicly revealed that he is indeed T...Read full story