Written by Morgan Truce

Monday, 28 February 2005

image for First Lady Laura Bush Looking Buff

WASHINGTON (AP) Wherever First Lady Laura Bush travels these days, people are remarking at how wonderful she looks. Visitors to the White House have noticed quite a change in Laura Bush's appearance. "She looks so… uh… healthy!" said one woman from Iowa. A group of teenage boys on a school trip said, "She's really hot looking for a First Lady!"

Soon after George W. Bush came to the White House, he made it a point to make physical fitness a part of his public image. His wife Laura, however, looked like she didn't miss many meals and indeed spent the better part of her time sitting on her butt reading stories to little children. Many White House staffers began referring to her as "Thunder Thighs" behind her back. It didn't take long for Mrs. Bush to hear about her nickname, and she decided to do something about it.

Over the next year, Laura Bush started hanging out in the White House gym. Several weight trainers were called in to assist the First Lady with a specially tailored fitness program. At first, she was barely able to lift five-pound barbells, but soon she was bench-pressing President Bush-who was happy to get a any physical attention from his wife. At one point President Bush was acting as Laura's sparring partner, but that came to an end when he appeared before a press conference with two black eyes: "You'll never guess how this happened…"

As the months passed, Laura Bush transformed her flabby body into rock-hard muscle. Even her handshake became so firm, most people feared shaking hands with her. Word got around that she could beat any of her Secret Service detail at arm wrestling.

Ugly rumors began circulating this past fall about Laura Bush's use of steroids in her bodybuilding program. Telltale symptoms such as acne and rippling muscles prompted one reporter to come right out and ask the First Lady if she was on steroids. While not answering the question directly, Mrs. Bush did grab the reporter and threw him against a wall 25 feet away breaking both his wrists and knocking him out cold. "Any further questions?" asked the First Lady.

"Yes Mrs. Bush, could you tell us about your new puppy?"


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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