London Spoof News

20 June 2019

London Bombings - Anti looking at people in a funny way Law Introduced

In the wake of the recent totally unsurprising bomb attacks on the London Transport system the British Government have introduced a raft of new measures designed to show that something is being done.

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Plan To Rename 2020 London Marathon

It's been run every year since 1981, and is one of the most popular 'public competitor' events in the world, but from next year, 2020, the London Marathon is to undergo a massive identity transplant - it will be known as the London Snickers. The n...

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Ozzy Osbourne - Prince of Darkness? Really!

Darkness, England - Buckingham Palace announced today that Her Majesty, The Queen, has sought to bestow the title of "The Prince of Darkness" upon Mr. Ozzy Osbourne. Darkness , a small town 45kilometers south of London, is delighted by the prospect...

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London Hit by Pube Chaos

The announcement yesterday of the end of the week-long action by members of the Razor Retailers Union created chaos in London as it coincided with last night's tube strike. Thousands irritated by the recent scarcity of razors left work early to...

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Ten Interesting Things You Didn't Know About Balham

To some people Balham is a joke as they hurtle through it on the A24 making their way to Gatwick airport, but thousands of people live there in peace and harmony, apart from the raucous weekend night life. Here are ten interesting facts about Balham...

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Great Britain To Be Renamed London

In a move welcomed by many, the government will vote today on the renaming of Great Britain. Possible suggestions on the list were Little America, America II and surprisingly New Birmingham, but yet again the capital centric government has seen sense...

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Waitress Laughs At Customer's Awful Jokes. Receives 50% Tip.

Oxford to Introduce New English Word : Tetek

New Fair Trade Cocaine Launched

New Super Soaker Unleashed - Tom Cruise Beware!

Brentford to become the Cultural Centre for London

Rare Rabbie burns poem found could be "worth millions"

Alistair Campbell dumps Clinton UK TV interview

Brooklyn Bridge to be Dismantled and Shipped to London

Masochists Swarm London to 'Meet The Met'

Osama Bin Laden to visit London.

State of emergency declared by City of Denver as bomb doesn't go off

Penguin Stolen from London Zoo Recovered

Shopping Fatality Comes Back to Haunt Sainsbury's

A freak shopping accident which killed 92 year old pensioner and father of twenty-three Wilbert Wheatchaffer has left a London branch of British supermarket chain Sainsbury's no option but closure.

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NFL To Expand To 40 Teams By 2020

The National Football League has announced plans to expand to 40 teams by the beginning of the 2020 season. In a 40 team league, they would continue to have two conferences with four divisions each (increasing to five teams per division). When as...

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The Taliban Plot To Kidnap Camilla Parker Bowles Is Foiled

LONDON - Scotland Yard has reported that they have uncovered a political plot by the infamous Taliban to kidnap Camilla Parker Bowles, wife of Prince Charles. Officer Higgins Higginbrook speaking to Chatsworth Wigginholt of The Ta Ta For Now News...

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Interview with Hafiz Emdad

Exclusive interview by Khadija Khanom and Noshin Hossain - Pupils of Muwatta Weekend Maktab, London...

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Low-Down on the Don Ho American Idol Conspiracy

USA -- The whole country was in shock from 9:55 - 9:57 EST last night as LaToya London was voted off of American Idol. "Man, this i...

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Dollis Hill Residents Branded ‘Garbage’, ‘Nazis’ & Now ‘Perverts’

Dollis Hill, Isle of Dogs - (Barking): “It’s just local estate agents talking up the neighbourhood,” a reporter on the North London Argus Bargus said today after the property column published its annual report about the leafy residential enclave of...

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Kate Middleton Shocked At The "Special Aid" Allegations

LONDON - Less than one month ago Kate Middleton expressed to one of her closet friends Winnie Figgyfurst, 36, that she was starting to have second thoughts about the Royal Wedding. Figgyfurst confided to Ta Ta For Now News that Kate had literally...

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Susan Boyle Boiling Mad Subdued By London Bobbies

LONDON - The odds-on favorite to win Britain's Got Talent 48-year-old Susan Boyle lost her temper and launched into a four-letter diatribe that makes Christian Bale's tongue-lashing tirade pale by comparison. It seems that Boyle was sitting in the...

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Ariel Sharon art exhibit causes fresh uproar

The Israeli envoy to Sweden is in more hot water, after destroying an art exhibit at London's Tate Modern museum that depicted his prime minister Ariel Sharon floating in a bathtub full of soiled banknotes.

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U.K. Study Claims Crossing of Arms Reduces Pain

Scientists from University College London released a report yesterday that supported the claim that a simple crossing of arms in front of the midsection dramatically reduces the feeling of pain. Supposedly blocking some signals to the brain, the c...

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Janitor's Mop and Bucket awarded prestigious Turner Prize

London, England Ed Dickenson, long time janitor at the Tate Museum for Modern Art, has been awarded the prestigious Turner Prize for art in a surpr...

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Illegal immigrant found working in Buckingham Palace

London, Friday 19 May 2006 - (Associated Mess): One of the worst cases of an illegal immigrant working in the UK after release from prison - and successfully evading deportation back to Siberian salt-mine homelands by using a loophole in the Inhuma...

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Ex-Beauty Queen to be New James Bond

Idris Elba has declined the role of a black James Bond as he considered it condescending to fellow blacks as well as the total misportrayal of the original character. Fleming's 007 was a MI6 spy proficient in languages and the martial arts; and a...

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The Balham Tourist Board Guide for Japanese Visitors

Shopping. Balham is a Mecca for discerning shoppers from as far away as Tooting, and until the 1980s, even boasted its own "private shop", handily situated within two minutes' walk of the local secondary school. Unfortunately, concerned citizens, or "busybodies", as any self-respecting connoisseur of BDSM, unusual practices, and loose morals would call them, successfully campaigned to close it dow...

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