Police close to catching The Ripper
London police have announced that they are close to catching Jack "the Ripper", a notorious serial killer who slew five prostitutes in the East End in the 1880s. Using new DNA analysis and forensic techniques, they have made progress in their hunt fo…Read full story
London Bombings - Anti looking at people in a funny way Law Introduced
In the wake of the recent totally unsurprising bomb attacks on the London Transport system the British Government have introduced a raft of new measures designed to show that something is being done.Read full story
Ozzy Osbourne - Prince of Darkness? Really!
Darkness, England - Buckingham Palace announced today that Her Majesty, The Queen, has sought to bestow the title of "The Prince of Darkness" upon Mr. Ozzy Osbourne. Darkness , a small town 45kilometers south of London, is delighted by the prospect...Read full story
Brits Call for a Temporary Ban on Data Visualization Until We Can Figure Out What the Hell is Going On
(Oxford, UK) A recent graphic published by Danny Dorling from the University of Oxford, has everyone from the educated knobs to the sweaty wazzocks scratching their heads in bewilderment. Many here have called for a ban on data visualization, or “inf...Read full story
London Borough Of Ealing Declared International Dark-Sky Reserve
London's astronomers are over the moon at the announcement that the London Borough of Ealing has been declared an International Dark-Sky Reserve. 'London is an international centre of excellence for numerous endeavours,' explained Mayor of London,...Read full story
Charles names Royal Wedding A-List
Clarence House, London; Wednesday 23 March(Associated Mess) - Prince Charles's household has named a glittering array of Global Peace Process luminaries who will be officiating at his forthcoming nuptuals to Camilla Nosy Parker at Slough Cremato...Read full story
Bismarck sunk again
London - (AssoCIAted Mess): Tragedy has struck once again in the hapless Von Bismarck family, whose eponymous luxury ocean-going yacht, leased to the Third Reich on cruise duties, met with disaster in the Mediterranean in 1941.Read full story
London Cyclists Collaborate With Ministry Of Defence On Camouflage Design
'Camouflage is critical in giving our troops every advantage in battle,' Air Chief Marshal Sir Stuart Peach, Chief of the Defence Staff, told a London press conference this month. 'This is why we've worked extensively with London cyclists to enhance...Read full story
NFL To Expand To 40 Teams By 2020
The National Football League has announced plans to expand to 40 teams by the beginning of the 2020 season. In a 40 team league, they would continue to have two conferences with four divisions each (increasing to five teams per division). When as...Read full story
McCartney reveals Vinton was alter ego
LONDON -- In a shocking revelation made here, former Beatle Paul McCartney said that he is and always has really been Bobby Vinton.Read full story
Prince William getting fat and going bald
London. (Spoof International News) Prince William, second in line to the British throne, has reportedly recently gained excessive weight, and has become very concerned about his accelerating hair loss.Read full story
McCartney's Frog Chorus Fails to Spawn in Bizarre Pop Memorabilia Auction
Paul McCartney's hand written lyrics for "The Frog Chorus" have failed to sell at auction. They were tipped to fetch more than £3.00 when they were offered for sale in at a memorabilia sale in London yesterday. Sotheby's spokesman James Alexander...Read full story
I'm a suicide bomber: get me out of here!
London - England. ITV have today announced ambitious plans for a brand new reality game show, to be screened in October. The show, which will re-locate to Afghanistan from the Australian jungle, will feature four or five b-list assassins - all c...Read full story
McCartney offers new Beatles 'facts'
LONDON - Ex-Beatles member Paul McCartney said, "I tried heroin just once and didn't like it." McCartney repeated the statement a number of times in public before a few reporters heard him and decided to try to make some kind of news item about it.Read full story
Lynton, Erskin and Inchcock. The Race Part four
Skoob gave C.J. a nudge in the back that sent him forward onto the unsuspecting commuter. "So sorry" said C.J as he squirted the milky substance on the back of the man's coat. Lifting his black pork pie hat, Skoob bade the poor man "Adieu" and started to run in the direction of away. Not far behind him, an out of breath C.J caught up. "You twit, I nearly sprayed myself" "Don't stand near...Read full story
Tramps squat in squatter's squat. WHSmith thanked for helping to resolve the situation.
A gaggle of homeless people have taken over a squat that was previously occupied by new-age middle class hippies in an extraordinary turn of events that has left the owners astounded. Mr and Mrs Wangweather bought their four bedroom London house i...Read full story