Metropolitan Police Chief quits over Cherie shockhorror

Funny story written by queen mudder

Thursday, 8 July 2004

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(New Scotland Yard, SW1) London is reeling tonight at the news that Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir John Stevens has quit over allegations that he has pro-actively covered up the 35 year long IRA career of Cherie Booth QC and that he is personally responsible for deleting all UK intelligence/security files that name her as Dorothy Arbits, the Russian-born daughter of Robert Maxwell and Margaret Thatcher.

Lawyers acting for Stevens said their client had checked into a NHS panic-attack facility in Central London which would be treating him with a full complement of alternative medicines including Sodium Pentothal and a range of therapies whose copyright originates from the Abu Ghraib detention center in Baghdad.

A bank statement is also expected tomorrow.

Meanwhile, a spokesman for Tony Blair's wife shrugged off suggestions that she had masterminded the 1983 Brinks Mat bullion heist at London's Heathrow Airport where a reported £26 million of Johnson Matthey's gold ingots went missing from storage, and was allegedly used to finance the Provos in their cultural exchange trips with Colombia's FARC guerrillas during the 1980s.

No 10 issued a categorical official denial that Cherie also purloined half of the bullion from the heist and buried it under Derry Irvine's back garden, along with the bodies of her husband's close inner circle who had previously testified to her running the Provisional Wing of the IRA in mainland UK.

Commenting on the missing paramilitary documents which allege Mrs Blair's extensive IRA career, the Prime Minister's Chief of Staff Jonathan Powell said: "A lot of famous people lose their military records when they get to the top of the heap in public office, both in this country and in the US.

"Take President Bush, for instance. It looks as if his entire army career records were wiped out during the 9/11 disaster when the Taliban crashed a plane into the Colonel Oliver North Wing of the Pentagon.

"Such an ability to target the precise location of the Defense Department's microfiche archival facility when piloting a Boeing 747 internal flight in the US shows just what can be done if you put your mind to it."

Meanwhile, Commissioner Stevens will remain under the dedicated care of specialists flow in in from the Camp X Ray facility at Guantanamo Bay, whose professional skills worked such remarkable results for George Tenet's team in amassing crucial CIA intelligence on Saddam's Weapons of Mass Destruction caches.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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