The Pope Mandates That Catholics Limit Sex To Once A Month!
THE VATICAN - (Satire News) - Pope Francisco has just issued a sexual order which gives him the authority to mandate intimate matters to the world's Catholics. The mandate states that due to several (unnamed) reasons, the high pope has ruled that…Read full story
Sinéad O'Connor Has Grown A Muslim Beard
Sinéad O'Connor, the Irish singer who recently renounced everything about herself, and then converted to Islam, has grown a Muslim-style beard. Beards amongst Muslim men are requisite, defining 'manliness', and are seen as imitating Muhammad, but...Read full story
A Squirrel Story That Will Grab You By The Nuts
BILLINGSGATE POST: This is a story that will grab you by the nuts. Everyone has their favorite squirrel story. It is said that there are 10 million squirrel stories in the Naked City. This is but one: This all took place in Beaver Crossing, Neb...Read full story
A Brooklyn Woman Caught Selling Marijuana To a Priest and a Nun
BROOKLYN – (Satire News) – The New York Sun-Observer has just broken the story regarding the latest scandal in the Catholic church. It appears that a disgruntled Donald Trump baser was so mad at the Catholic church that she went into the “Our Sist…Read full story
Cardinals' plot uncovered - Pope is 'sacrificial lamb'
The media world is in a frenzy after secret Vatican documents were discovered that appeared to show Pope Benedict XVI was chosen specifically to 'take the rap' for church excesses in recent decades. "Given Joseph Ratzinger's advanced age and his e...Read full story
The Vatican Mandates That Effective Immediately Adult Catholics Will Be Prohibited From Having Sex On Wednesdays (Hump Day)
THE VATICAN – (Satire News) – The Vatican Voice has just reported that Pope Francis has just issued a sexual mandate to all adult Catholics of the world. He has said that due to so much sexualized pandemical stuff going around he is mandating that…Read full story
Catholic Church to Allow Fellatio; Cunnilingus
In a dramatic reversal from previous Papal policies, Pope Benedict XVI announced today that the Catholic Church will allow men to receive fellatio and women to enjoy cunnilingus. However, certain restrictions will apply to both acts. The Pope's d...Read full story
Cardinal Baloney Opposes Relief From Torturous Pain
In a recent Times, there is a front-page story entitled, "Murder Or Mercy?" It is, in part, a story of an ailing World War II veteran who commits suicide. Before his death the 88-year-old man told his son, because of his terminal illness, that...Read full story
Vatican says ordination of women bishops = pedophilia!
VATICAN-I-STAN: Firmly ensconced in the deep bowels of the Inner Sanctum Sanctorum [i.e. hiding from The Truth], the King of Denial, "God's" Greatest Liar on Earth - His Absolute Unworthiness - the Poop and his frilly-frocked sycophants continue to...Read full story
Pope Benedict XVI Plays April Fool's Joke with a Condom
In a quick visit to the U.S. before Holy Week, Pope Benedict XVI decided to play a little joke. Pope Benedict XVI stopped in several Midwestern cities to voice his support for the Catholic Church's crusade against "reproductive health" and the so...Read full story
Muslim Iran Imports Catholic Nuns to Enforce Dress Code
Forget the Moolahs and the Ayatollahs, Sister Mary Manicheanist is on her way to Tehran. Iranian "puritans" are struggling with the new generation's liberal style of dress. "Everything we try has failed!", despaired Ayatollah...Read full story
New Archbishop: "Homosexuality Not A Sin"
In a startling interview given exclusively to The Diary of A Geek, newly appointed Archbishop of Westminster Vincent Nichols has openly supported homosexuality. In his first interview since his promotion by Pope Adolf Von Benedict XVI, the Archbis...Read full story
Texas Legislature Orders Sperm Emissions to be Buried or Creamated
AUSTIN--Gov. Greg Abbott signed into law what the Texas legislature has deemed the "Save Our Sperm Law," which, Abbott said after signing the legislation, "will give voice to the unconcepted among us." The new law (in part an addition to Texas Adm...Read full story
Vatican Temporarily Sanctions American Suicide
In a gesture of solidarity with politically-despondent Americans, the Vatican has announced that for the duration of Donald Trump's presidency, suicide by Americans will not be considered a mortal sin disqualifying them from eternal salvation. "We...Read full story
Catholic Priest Was "Only Joking" About Boy's Suicide
A Catholic priest who shot his big, fat, stupid mouth off at a boy's funeral, about how suicide will anger God and prevent a dead person's soul from entering heaven, has said he was only joking. Father Don LaQuesta (not real name, but nearly) was...Read full story
The Catholic Church Confirms That Trump Is Positively, Without A Shadow of a Doubt, Going To Hell!
THE VATICAN – (Satire News) – The highly respected Catholic publication, The Vatican Voice, has just reported that never in the history of mankind, has there been an individual who deserves to Go To Hell more than one Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump.Read full story
Struggling Catholic Church Lays Off Holy Spirit
In the wake of continuing revelations regarding sexual abuse by priests and growing antipathy toward its pro-life/anti-choice stance on abortion, the struggling Catholic Church, unable to sustain a full staff, has laid off the Holy Spirit, long consi...Read full story
Pope: Ted Cruz Authorized To Perform Exorcisms
Senator Ted Cruz has mockingly been called The Executor, The Inquisitor, as well as The Prosecutor, but Pope Francis revealed that one of Cruz's true titles may be Exorcist - or maybe The Exorcisor in keeping with the spirit of his past nicknames.Read full story
500-pound man seeks redemption - almost drowns during baptism
St. Croix River, Milwaukee - Admitting that gluttony was the only one of the seven deadly sins that he enjoyed committing, Mike Martinez, 39, attempted to set his life on the righteous path by confessing to his pastor that he had set out years earlie...Read full story
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Marry In Secret Wedding
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie secretly married this weekend in a secret wedding somewhere in Africa. No details are known of the ceremony, except that the children that they have adopted from 167 different countries all served as bridesmaids, groomsm...Read full story