Catholic Offended at Being Compared to Alien-Believer

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Sunday, 3 November 2019

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Chad Hanley bristled at the comparison of the Ascension of Jesus Christ to an alien abduction.

Defending his faith in Jesus Christ and the Catholic Church, Chad Hanley took offense when an acquaintance, in passing, compared him to a person believing in aliens from outer space.

“I’ve never in my life worn a tin-foil hat,” said Hanley. “Nor would I.”

Hanley noted, too, that, unlike some delusional persons who claim to have been abducted by aliens or to have been possessed by them, the God to whom he has entrusted his life would never take possession of his body.

“That was a one-time thing with Mary and the Holy Spirit,” he said. “It was just for the purpose of impregnating her with someone who was going to redeem mankind. A pretty fair trade, I’d say.”

Hanley additionally took issue with those who have compared the resurrection and ascension of the – apparently – dead Jesus Christ into heaven to an alien abduction. “It was God, not aliens, doing it,” he said. “And it was also his son. You can’t abduct your own son.”

All that being said, Hanley conceded that, if it is God’s will, aliens might one day come to earth to either save humanity or, more likely, effect Armageddon.

“It could go either way,” he said. “Let’s cross our fingers – and ourselves – and pray for the best.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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