The COVID crisis, combined with the proliferation of high speed internet connections, has resulted in large numbers of school children learning remotely, rather than attending class in person.
This development has proven especially problematic for priests, nuns, and lay brothers employed by Catholic schools world wide.
"With no students at their desks," explained Cardinal Diddler, "it has been impossible for priests to molest any school kids. And, with no other Church sanctioned way to get their rocks off, the prostate health of our clergy is reaching crisis proportions."
"Fortunately, technology has come to the rescue. The IT department at the Vatican has developed a suite of software tools that enable priests to molest children remotely. An added benefit is that the anonymity of the internet saves us from the considerable expenses involved in shuffling perverted priests from parish to parish."
