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The Pope Speaks

The Pope has declared that footballer Lionel Messi is “not God”, and also wondered out loud “if there was even a God”, because “fuck me this planets fucked”. In his most candid and explosive interview yet, Mr Pope told Back and to the Left news th...

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Cardinal Pell To Be Held In Colditz Castle

Funny story: Cardinal Pell To Be Held In Colditz Castle

Cardinal George Pell, the sex beast, has been sentenced to six years in prison for the sexual assaults he carried out on two 13-year-old choir boys in Melbourne in 1996, and will now be locked away so that he might reflect on the pain he caused his v...

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Cardinal Pell Choir Boys Reached The High Notes

Funny story: Cardinal Pell Choir Boys Reached The High Notes

Cardinal Pell, the 77-year-old sex offender, and former treasurer at the Vatican, has been remanded in custody for his own protection, after crowds gathered outside the courthouse in Melbourne. The demonstrators were threatening to do things to hi...

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Cardinal Pell Is Going Down

Funny story: Cardinal Pell Is Going Down

Cardinal George Pell and his sexual abuse case have attracted a lot of media attention, and it is with this in mind that I've written the latest in my proposed 'Cardinal Pell Anthology'. This one is called 'Cardinal Pell Is Going Down' Cardina...

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A Poem For Cardinal Pell

Funny story: A Poem For Cardinal Pell

I, like many others, was outraged by the news that Cardinal Pell, the former Vatican treasurer, had been found guiilty in an Australian court of sexual offences against two boys in Melbourne in 1996. The court arrived at its verdict in December la...

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Theodore McCarrick Hopes There Is No God

Funny story: Theodore McCarrick Hopes There Is No God

The former archbishop of Washington, D.C., who is currently mired in allegations of sexual abuse, has said that he hopes that there is no God, otherwise he is in a shitload of trouble. Theodore McCarrick, now 88, faces charges of sexually abusing...

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In Moment of Weakness Pope Tells Trump No Priest Would Have Wanted to Molest Him

Funny story: In Moment of Weakness Pope Tells Trump No Priest Would Have Wanted to Molest Him

Things grew rather heated in the ongoing dispute between Pope Francis and President Donald Trump regarding Trump's proposed border wall, bringing out lesser sides of both parties. The Pope chastised Trump for wanting to seize the historic La Lomit...

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Pope Admits Catholic Church Is Now Like Something Out Of A Marquis de Sade Novel

Funny story: Pope Admits Catholic Church Is Now Like Something Out Of A Marquis de Sade Novel

Pope Francis has admitted that there have been "grave errors" in the administration of affairs within the Catholic church down the years, and that, at times, things have resembled erotic scenarios and events such as the public might have read about i...

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Born-Again Baby in Boston

Funny story: Born-Again Baby in Boston

In more a medical miracle than an instance of evangelical fervor, South Boston became the (double-)birthplace of the nation’s first ever born-again baby, Robbie Fitzpatrick. While doctors are still struggling to pin down the scientific details. t...

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Covington Catholic High School Takes the Boredom Out of Washington D.C. Tours

Covington, Kentucky - It's a common complaint among today's teens. In high school they are sometimes loaded onto buses to spend a day or two on tedious tours of our nation’s Capitol, to visit sites of historical interest such as the Washington Monum...

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Struggling Catholic Church Lays Off Holy Spirit

Funny story: Struggling Catholic Church Lays Off Holy Spirit

In the wake of continuing revelations regarding sexual abuse by priests and growing antipathy toward its pro-life/anti-choice stance on abortion, the struggling Catholic Church, unable to sustain a full staff, has laid off the Holy Spirit, long consi...

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Vatican Temporarily Sanctions American Suicide

Funny story: Vatican Temporarily Sanctions American Suicide

In a gesture of solidarity with politically-despondent Americans, the Vatican has announced that for the duration of Donald Trump's presidency, suicide by Americans will not be considered a mortal sin disqualifying them from eternal salvation. "We...

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Catholic Priest Was "Only Joking" About Boy's Suicide

Funny story: Catholic Priest Was "Only Joking" About Boy's Suicide

A Catholic priest who shot his big, fat, stupid mouth off at a boy's funeral, about how suicide will anger God and prevent a dead person's soul from entering heaven, has said he was only joking. Father Don LaQuesta (not real name, but nearly) was...

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Sinéad O'Connor Has Grown A Muslim Beard

Funny story: Sinéad O'Connor Has Grown A Muslim Beard

Sinéad O'Connor, the Irish singer who recently renounced everything about herself, and then converted to Islam, has grown a Muslim-style beard. Beards amongst Muslim men are requisite, defining 'manliness', and are seen as imitating Muhammad, but...

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Heaven Moving?

Funny story: Heaven Moving?

In an effort to address major declines in new membership and a increase in the number of people leaving the church, the college of bishops has put together a list of potential marketing ideas, and is awaiting the office of the papacy. "In light...

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Nun steps forward from the old days to defend Judge Kavanaugh

Immediately following the Senate Judiciary Committee's confirmation of Mr. Kavanaugh, Senate investigators are urging caution. A new witness, Sister Rose, has appeared from the past, in support of Mr. Kavanaugh, and just in time for the complete...

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God Admits He Is An Atheist

Funny story: God Admits He Is An Atheist

The world was left stunned today when the almighty God descended from on high to announce that He, the Alpha and Omega, has officially become an atheist. The surprising revelation had an even more surprising origin, as the Father confirmed that the c...

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Sold Out Gig

Religious fans all over the world will be disappointed to hear that tickets for the Popes visit to Knock Shrine in Country Mayo have sold out! The Pope, who is on a greatest hits tour, will play the Shrine for two dates from the 25th of August this y...

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