Dallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones Wants To Buy Manchester United and Move The Team To Dallas
DALLAS - (Sports Satire) - Word coming out of "Big D," is that Jerry Jones, the owner of the Dallas Cowboys, aka America's Team, wants to buy the Manchester United Red Devils and move them to Dallas. Jones told Sportsapalooza writer Pia Confetti,…
Read full storyPutin Is Catching Hell From The Russian People And He Plans On Withdrawing All of His Troops From Ukraine
WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - Kitty Segovia, with The iNews News Agency has just broken the story that Russian dictator Vladimir Nikita Putin, is feeling so much fucking heat from the people of Russia that he has decided to leave Ukraine and ret…
Read full storyGov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders Admits That She, Like Her Idol Trump, Is Addicted To Big Macs
LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas - (Satire News) - News Blues reporter Velveeta Maracas, reports that after interviewing the newly-elected governor of Arkansas, she can say that she is just as hate-filled, and as just as evil as her idol Donald Jonathan Erasmus…
Read full storyHollywood Sissy Canine Is Named "America's Cutest Transgender Dog"
HOLLYWOOD - (Satire News) - Hollywood Hors D'oeuvre's reporter Tahiti Zeppelin reports that the cutest transgender dog in the USA is named Fufi Fondue. Fufi who belongs to female impersonator RuPaul, beat out a group of 69 canines to win the covet…
Read full storyKindergarten Student Shoots Teacher, She Ran out of Chocolate Milk
The Washington Pest newspaper has had a lead story on the recent shooting of a teacher by a kindergartener with the child's parents' gun. Possible cause of the event - running out of chocolate milk. Who trained the Kid to use the gun is a mys…
Read full storyWhy Don't Popes Marry and Have Kids? A 'Thought Piece' - Olde Church News
I was secretly reading Church of Satan Magazine the other day - (have to peek at what the Other Side is doing) - and they had an article on the saintly Popes who weren't so saintly. They are totally Anti - Pope. One Pope Benedict was one of the w…
Read full storyThe Trump From Ipanema
I knew it was just a matter of time. Donald Trump doesn’t just want to own America, he wants the world. The Brazilians are under his control. They cannot think for themselves. They want their own Mar-A-Lago on Ipanema Beach, where the stars come o…
Read full storyThe Material Girl Gone Plastic
What have you bastards done with Madonna? She was just here a minute ago. I remember the 80s (title of my upcoming tell-all bio) and Madonna’s tiny little moustache – where’d it go?! I love that moustache. I think you can kinda still see it on the co…
Read full story'Adam and Eve were Jewish' - New Book by Rev. Rotundus Boypincher
This is Basil Blathering - I am so excited to write a great article on The Right Reverend Rotundus Boypincher and his exciting new Book. Who could have know that Adam and Eve were Jewish? It never occurred to me. My Church Ladies will gos…
Read full storyThe Russian Border Town of Piffinchev Is Captured By Ukrainian Female Soldiers
VESTABOL, Russia - (Satire News) - Word coming out of southern Russia is that the communist town of Piffinchev, has been captured by the Ukraine's 903 Infantry Regiment. The Kremlin Voice reports that the 903rd is made up entirely of Ukrainian fem…
Read full storyRules of the 118th Congress, As Written By the QAnon Shaman
Be it resolved that I, the QAnon Shaman who stormed the United States Capitol, while carrying a spear and wearing horns, hereby decree the rules of the House of Representatives from my prison cell: 1. Shouting into a bullhorn will henceforth repla…
Read full storyGovernor-Elect Sarah Huckabee Sanders Becomes The Nation's Fattest Governor
LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas - (Satire News) - The newly-elected Republican governor of Arkansas, Sarah "Chubby" Huckabee Sanders has just become the nation's fattest governor. Huck-San, as Democrats and Independents call the big old Lard Bucket, won on…
Read full storyTrump Supporter in Zebra Loincloth Who Trashed Capitol Building Sentenced
Johnny Trump (he’s had his name legally changed) - spoke to Media at the Ultraconservative Freedom Foundation in DC Recently. He had just been sentenced to 2 months of jail time. "I still believe the Election was stolen,” Johnny Said. “Hundr…
Read full storyDonald Trump The Riot Instigator Has Been Arrested Trying To Flee The Country
NEW YORK CITY - (Satire News) - The New York Police Dept. reports that Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump has just been taken into custody at JFK Airport. Federal agents report apprehending the orange whore bitch as he was in line to get on board a fli…
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