Why Don't Popes Marry and Have Kids? A 'Thought Piece' - Olde Church News

Funny story written by UncleDale

Wednesday, 11 January 2023

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All work and no play makes Fr. Jack a perverted weirdo

I was secretly reading Church of Satan Magazine the other day - (have to peek at what the Other Side is doing) - and they had an article on the saintly Popes who weren't so saintly. They are totally Anti - Pope.

One Pope Benedict was one of the worst - a rapist and murderer - raped many young women and men.

The history of Popes is a long one with lots of sex, rapes, lots of torture - murders and military wars. (With God on their side at all Times.)

But on a kinder note - they were also Daddies.

About 30 or so Popes had partners or mistresses and were Fathers(in More sense than one).

Many of their sons also became Popes or high church officials.

Pope Borgia comes to Mind - the Borgia family. (Early Italian Mafia).

(Also - Pope Innocent was not so 'Innocent' - Had eight kids).

Peter and most of the Apostles were Married. So, the first thousand years of the Church - Priests, Bishops, Popes were also allowed to marry - (Following the example of Peter and the Apostles).

(The Church didn't Ban married Priests till 1139 - Second Lateran Council).

So Popes today could be married and have kids because for Half of Church History - Catholic clergy were married.

What stops Popes from marrying? - they are not Horny.

They are cranky Old guys - (you would be cranky with a lifetime of No Sex).

And since they don't want Sex - nobody in the Church is going to have Sex.

So, they deny Church History and make all the Priests suffer.

‘Do as I Say' still Rules the Church.

(Basil Blathering - Editor)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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