Couple excited to be watching the box set of Hetty Wainthrop Investigates
Gary and Lorraine Johnson, a couple from the never-really-that-interesting-but-charming village, Chutney on the Fritz, have just received, from Amazon, their box set of Hetty Wainthrop Investigates. 'Yes, it's here!' exclaimed, Gary. 'It was a tos...
Read full storyTrump Invites Self To Make Commencement Address At West Point
The horror! And what kind of inspirational advice can Donald Trump present during his commencement address before the 2020 graduating class of West Point? The greatest piece of advice: Don't have a one-nighter with a porn star the same month y...
Read full storyPresident Trump Dumps His Two Black Advisers Diamond & Silk
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump has severed his ties with Lynette A. Hardaway and Rochelle Richardson, better known as the sister duo "Diamond and Silk". The two black women, have become the most hated women in the black community, due to the...
Read full storyMar-a-Lago Tests Positive For the Coronavirus
PALM BEACH, Florida – An environmental agency, that deals in disease commercial testing and control, has just tested the entire Mar-a-Lago compound, known as "The Dixie White House." A representative with the agency stated that the complex showed...
Read full storyFaculty at Vince Lombardi High School React to School Closure Announcement
(South Central Los Angeles, CA) Administrative staff and faculty at this famous high school met for a short teleconference after Governor Alice Cooper declared today that school’s out for summer. Originally classes were to reconvene for the last two...
Read full storyPresident Trump Attacks Fox News (Again)
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The first lady has said that she has no idea what is going on with Mr. President Donald, but he seems to be on a relentless hate campaign. Mrs. Trump said that her hubby has been waking up at 3 am, getting out of bed, and loggin...
Read full storyFlorida Officials Are Warning That Hurricane Season is Right Around The Corner
TALLAHASSEE – As if the COVID-19 flu mess is not bad enough, officials with the Florida Hurricane Federation (FHF) are stating that the hurricane season is fast approaching. Experts with the FHF say that a damn hurricane is bad enough, but now tos...
Read full storyMan Tried To Get Three Cups Of Tea Out Of The Same Tea Bag - With Disastrous Results!
A man who is quickly exhausting his supply of tea bags due to his increased consumption during the Coronavirus lockdown, has revealed how an attempt at economizing, by re-using the bags a second, or, even, third time, went disastrously wrong at the w...
Read full storyWuhan Spelled Backwards = Nahuw (No Way, José) Coronavirus Didn’t Start Here
BILLINGSGATE POST: In The Looking Glass War, a spy novel by John le Carré, everything appears backwards. And that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Historically, there were many generals who would consult with their semordnilapicist before undertaking a...
Read full storyBoris Johnson admits gargling with formaldehyde
In an astounding double take, Boris Johnson has admitted gargling with formaldehyde in an attempt to keep up with Donald Trump. When asked, outside number 10 this morning, Mr Johnson replied; "It was on sound advice, from Donald, that I give it a...
Read full storyThrough Unflinching Honesty and Vulnerability, Nashville Man Scores Girlfriend’s Permission for Licit Polyamory with Threesome Potential
In a dating tour de force, after being contacted out of the blue by an attractive older woman he’d always had a thing for but had never succeeded in enticing into the sack, 37-year-old Clem Lyons of Nashville, Tennessee, scored the permission of the...
Read full storyTrump to withhold millions of dollars in funding to White House Occupant (WHO).
President Donald Trump announced recently that he is halting funding to the White House Occupant (WHO) while his administration reviews the handling of the coronavirus, accusing the WHO of bungling the response and failing to communicate the disease’...
Read full storySheffield United clinch sensational Premier League Title
Pegs flew and tempers flared at the final matches of this season's Premier League after the armchair decision to complete fixtures not in stadiums behind closed doors, but at the Cat and Custard Pot in Paddlesworth, Kent, a pub long in tradition with...
Read full storyPresident Trump's Speeches To Be Accompanied By Canned Laughter In TV News Reports
The use of recorded or 'canned' laughter, often employed to encourage studio audience participation, is to be introduced into television news reports that cover the speeches of US president, Donald Trump, it has been revealed. With so much of the…
Read full storyTrump explains he was being sarcastic
Facing criticism from multiple observers about his plan to mass-import donkey penises to fight COVID-19, President Donald Trump today addressed the issue at his daily White House press conference. "You know, even you fake news, left wing, nasty so...
Read full storyDepressed Pigeon Misses Shitting on People
(New York, New York) Cher Ami, an ordinary New York City pigeon named after the famous British homing pigeon, is suffering from extreme depression and downright anger now that the city has entered its sixth week of lockdown. We caught up with Cher on...
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