In an astounding double take, Boris Johnson has admitted gargling with formaldehyde in an attempt to keep up with Donald Trump.
When asked, outside number 10 this morning, Mr Johnson replied;
"It was on sound advice, from Donald, that I give it a try. The formaldehyde has clearly improved the President's brain, and like him, I am feeling the benefits of it already, meow!, tick tock tick tock, but let's not be side-tracked by this, we have more important, boop, boop, who is it? Mother, are you there? Things to concentrate on, like the...Like the...Last Tango in Paris!...Got to go now, important meeting with Winston Churchill."
Government scientists have been told to say, formaldehyde will preserve the brain if gargled at regular intervals throughout the day.