Faculty at Vince Lombardi High School React to School Closure Announcement

Funny story written by Reggie "Rex" Stain

Tuesday, 28 April 2020

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(South Central Los Angeles, CA) Administrative staff and faculty at this famous high school met for a short teleconference after Governor Alice Cooper declared today that school’s out for summer. Originally classes were to reconvene for the last two weeks in May, but Secretary of Education Roger Waters advised the governor that in these uncertain times, we don’t need no education.

Principal David L. Roth immediately bemoaned that had enjoyed being hot for teachers and will miss them terribly. He then thought of all the education that would be missed.

J. Ramone, Lombardi High School’s shop teacher, said he didn’t care about history and hated the other teachers and the principal, and was happy to have the time off to cruise around in his GTO.

Sting, the newly hired guidance counselor, confessed of schoolgirl fantasies before the pandemic. This brought on strong words in the virtual staff room, where the accusations fly.

Mr. Wilson and Mr. Love, both coaches for the high school football team, said that you must be true to your school when it opens back up in the fall. After all, it’s number one in the state.

Cub Coda, one of the school’s janitors, reported that on the last day of classes, the high school glee club nicknamed "Brownsville Station" was caught smoking in the boy’s room. He said he was surprised, because everyone knows that smoking ain’t allowed in school, and they should have known better.

Jerry Lee Lewis, one of the school’s two music teachers, confessed that since this staff meeting was virtual, not only was he not wearing pants but no shoes either, and his feet were bebopping and moving smooth and light.

Even though the school has been closed for only a few weeks, Ray Davies, sometimes referred to as the "kinky" Home Economics teacher, said that he already misses all of the acquaintances he made, and he’d go back if he could only find a way.

The meeting concluded with J. Geils, homeroom monitor, saying that he will likely spend the time looking through a girly magazine, hoping to find an angel on the pages in between.

It is reported that just across town near Venice Beach, at rival school Rydell High, students were also preparing for many summer nights, but that is another story for another time and place. Maybe I will write about that, maybe not. There are worse things I could do.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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