The Miracle In Beaver Crossing That Changed The Way We View Skivvies Forever
BILLINGSGATE POST: it was forty years ago that The Miracle In Beaver Crossing changed the way that men looked at skivvies forever. Slim Everdingle related this story about two brothers who found shelter from a snow storm in the farmhouse of Elmer S...
Read full storyTrump Gets A Disinfectent Enema: Doctors Not Sure Turd Will Live
Donald Trump was hospitalized today after apparently experimenting with a Lie-sol disinfectant enema at the White House. Officials became concerned when the President did not show up for the daily Covid-19 briefing. "I saw him watching a story on...
Read full storyCongress Moves to Lift Marijuana Restrictions
The House and Senate are putting out an additional phase 5 legislation to help Americans reduce stress while facing long term "stay at home policies". "Hell, I can get joints like they were legal anyway," said Senator "The Turtle" McConnell, of Ke...
Read full storyLone Ranger and Tonto warned about lack of social distancing
The Trump administration has sent a formal warning to the 'way out west' duo, the Lone Ranger and Tonto, about thier blatant disregard for social distancing. In a Whitehouse statement, Mr Hank Worden said; "Hell, these boys ain't carin' enough a...
Read full storyPresident Trump Doubles Down on “Injecting Disinfectant” with Additional Advice
(Washington, DC) President Trump recently defended his statement that Americans could help slow the spread of the Coronavirus by injecting disinfectants at yesterday’s daily Coronavirus Task Force press briefing by offering up additional advice that...
Read full storyManchester United Captain Harry Maguire Might Refuse To Play If He's Not Completely Satisfied It's Safe To Do So
The Manchester United and England central defender, Harry Maguire, has sparked controversy this afternoon, after saying that he won't be taking to the pitch to play football again until he is absolutely certain that it is completely safe to do so.
Read full storyA Leading Disinfectant Company Says Please, Please, Please Do Not Listen To President Trump
CLEVELAND, Ohio – The Duchess Disinfecting Company has stated that their cleaning products are powerful cleaning disinfectants and they should never, ever be ingested orally or otherwise. The company’s Chief Director of Public Relations, Olivia Ti...
Read full storyThe Reason Why ABC Has Cancelled This Season’s Edition of “Dancing With The Stars”
HOLLYWOOD – Television’s number one dance show has just announced that the new season has been cancelled. An ABC spokesperson for "Dancing With The Stars" said that all of the dancers agreed that there was just no way that they could dance the cha...
Read full storyPresident Trump Says He Will Be Filing a Personal Lawsuit Against China for Causing the Coronavirus
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The man who has sued more people than anyone else in the entire nation, has just stated that his latest one is a doozy. President Trump, the undisputed leader of the free world, has just remarked that he has instructed his lawsu...
Read full storyCorona Beer May Be Changing Its Name
GUADALAJARA, Mexico – Cerveza Popocatpetl, the company that brews Corona Beer, has just announced that after getting thousands of letters, emails, texts, phone calls, and even three singing telegrams, they are seriously considering changing the name...
Read full storyBranston In Pickle Over Canvey Island Offer
BUSINESS tycoon, Mitch Branston, says there was a misunderstanding over reports he offered his exotic Caribbean retreat, Small Pecker Island, as collateral in exchange for a government loan. Reports suggested he was offering the nature haven which...
Read full story"Health workers can survive on handouts and clapping," says Cummings
Creepy adviser to Boris Johnson, Dominic Cummings, has proposed that all health service funding comes from charity singles, after an NHS charity song reached number one in the UK charts. Cummings was recorded as saying, "If the plebs want to give...
Read full storyNashville Man Momentarily Lapses from Political Correctness into Regular Correctness
Triggered by a dirty look he received from a surgically-masked woman when he sauntered barefaced into a Nashville grocery store, 28-year-old Travis Kane momentarily lapsed from political correctness into regular correctness, demanding loudly, "So do...
Read full storyPresident Trump Says Pandas Are Responsible For Covid-19
President Donald Trump put another spanner in the spokes of already-frail US/China relations this morning, when he blamed the Coronavirus outbreak on the pandas at Beijing Zoo. The zoo has nineteen pandas, and, as a treasured specie, they are kept...
Read full storyMan Was Wearing Facemask Back-To-Front
A man who was just trying to do the right thing, and protect other people from the possible cross-infection of the Coronavirus, has told how staff and other shoppers laughed at him for wearing his facemask back-to-front. Moys Kenwood, 56, arrived...
Read full storyCarrier Captain: Spoof Had It Right But It Wasn't A Spoof
The Pentagon, Washington, D.C. Special and Exclusive to The Spoof. As first reported, EXCLUSIVELY by The Spoof on April 4, President Trump overruled the Navy and ordered the return of the fired captain of the carrier Theodore Roosevelt, Brett Crozier...
Read full storyTrump suggests donkey penises cure COVID-19
At his daily Whitehouse COVID-19 briefing yesterday President Donald Trump says he has a good idea how to beat the virus. "You know this COVUD-18 bug thing, it's done a tremendous, very, very, great lot of damage to people around the world, tremen...
Read full storyWhy Honest Golfers Cheat On Their Wives
BILLINGSGATE POST: One of the most pompous and self-serving bromides of golf''s inner circles: "Harrumph, harrumph! You can tell more about the character of a man by playing a round of golf with him...blah, blah, blah." In a sport so noble in spirit...
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