At his daily Whitehouse COVID-19 briefing yesterday President Donald Trump says he has a good idea how to beat the virus.
"You know this COVUD-18 bug thing, it's done a tremendous, very, very, great lot of damage to people around the world, tremendous lot. But I have noticed, and I read a lot of Chinese newspapers because they've banned fake news, and I'm just wondering, that the bug, as I like to call it, it hasn't killed people in China who regul...., reglar..., often eat donkey penises. I'm thinking that maybe if we could increase consumption of donkey penises maybe that would fix this bug thing. I think this is a tremendous possibility and maybe our scientists and other mecid..., medid...., hospital workers and the like, could look into it."
Pressed by a Washington Post reporter about the scientific evidence for the donkey penis cure, Trump replied, " Well you know Orville Wright didn't have any scientific evidence when he invented microwave cookers. And that fella Bell he didn't have any scientific evidence when he first flew a helicopter. So I think my idea stacks up well, it's all up here.", stated the President, pointing at his head.
The President went onto demonstrate his commitment to the donkey penis cure. "Today I am announcing the release of two hundred fifty million dollars to procure enough donkey penises for every man, woman and child in the US for the next ten years. We've started negotiations with the Mexicans, and several other South American countries to start large scale penis exports into the US. Thank you very much."