Trump Spends Easter Weekend Pondering Biggest Decision Of Presidency
It sounds like a To be or not to be question. Maybe, on Monday, President Trump will announce he’s going to resign? Talk about sirens going off at six o’clock for the health providers, if Trump were to announce he plans to resign the presidency:...
Read full storyMan Dying From Coronavirus Spends Final Day Negotiating With Health Insurance Provider
A man riddled with the coronavirus who had spent his final hours arguing with his Health Insurance provider trying to ascertain if he was covered or not, has succumbed to the illness. Mike Smith, 56, woke up with a tickly sore throat and cough, d...
Read full storyLas Vegas Pawn Shop Owner Says That He is Getting Hundreds of Slightly Used Casino Stripper Poles
LAS VEGAS – Since the Coronavirus pandemic has shut down the Las Vegas casinos, all of the pole dancers have found themselves among the ranks of the unemployed. Franco Titsellini, who owns The Once a Pawn a Time Pawn Shop, said that, just in the p...
Read full storyBored Woman Sends Anonymous Threats to Neighbors to Lighten Mood
April 8, 2020 (Cameron Park). Dozens of residents of a middle class Cameron Park neighborhood reported receiving threatening, anonymous notes in their mailboxes. Sheriff Mahoney initially declined to investigate, citing all manpower was dedicated to...
Read full storyLetters to the Editor about Coronavirus
Dear Sir, this crisis has had some good results. One is that we are going back to many of the old ways, with not being able to go out and the supermarket shelves emptied of toilet rolls and suppositories. My husband has gone back to not wiping...
Read full storyCharlie the Smoking Chimp Dies!
Well, here’s a sad tale about a South African chimpanzee named Charlie who had a really bad smoking habit. He started smoking when visitors to the zoo threw him lit cigarettes. Zoo officials even had been trying to get Charlie to kick this habit, but...
Read full storyNashville Man Ponders whether He Has What It Takes to Be a Cult Leader
His survivalist instincts primed by the threat of global warming and mass pandemics, Russell Cartwright of Nashville, Tennessee, began contemplating founding his own self-sufficient society, which in turn prompted him to ponder the critical question...
Read full storySinatra Song Slams Styles
FRANK Sinatra has shot to the top of the Billboard charts with I've Got You Under My Skin, beating contemporary acts such as Harry Styles, Da Baby and Lil Nas X to the coveted number one slot. The success of Ol' Blue Eyes heralds a new era of nost...
Read full storyA Vasectomy Clinic Shuts Down Their Office But Their New Drive-Thru Window is Booming
RALEIGH, North Carolina – The Dixieland Health Administration is reporting that the largest vasectomy clinic in the state has partially shut down. Nellie Kickington, 49, a DHA spokeswoman, informed the media that the Snippity Snip-Snip Vasectomy C...
Read full storyThe World-Famous Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo Has Been Shut Down
TARZANA, California – State health authorities have told the owners of the Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo that, effective immediately, they must shut down. The popular attraction in the town of Tarzana has seen visitors from as far off as the South...
Read full storyEgyptian Scientists Discover 3 Pyramids on Jupiter
CAIRO, Egypt – A group of celestial scientists at Cairo’s prestigious Sandman University have just made a remarkable discovery. The group leader, Dr. Abudabees Bakmani, informed the Cairo news media that his group has just discovered three pyramid...
Read full storyUS Long-Range Weather Forecast: Shitstorms
The unsettled weather all states of the US have been experiencing over the last few weeks looks set to continue until at least November. Various commentators not normally associated with weather forecasting have described the conditions as "a shi...
Read full storyMan doesn't know difference between Lilo and Stitch
The 2003 Walt Disney movie 'Lilo and Stitch' was a firm favorite with film fans, and sprouted sequels galore, but a man has said that, despite the massive exposure of the characters over the years, he still doesn't know which is Lilo, and which is St...
Read full storyMan Had His Hair Cut By Brother-In-Law
A man whose hair needed a trim has had the operation performed by his brother-in-law, it's been reported. The incident happened late yesterday afternoon in the breezy back garden of Moys Kenwood, 56, who had been taking a 10-minute exercise stroll...
Read full storyYou Can’t Believe A Word They’re Saying
BILLINGSGATE POST: There are 10 million stories in the Naked City. In Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, because of the population, there are only 409. But this one has been verified to be true by Snopes. Elderwood Schlemiel, a down-and-out itinerant s...
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