World Famous Mountain Climber Conquers Florida's Highest Hill
World famous mountaineer, Edward Cliff, became the first person to ascend Florida’s highest hill, known as Verdant Knoll on Saturday the second of November. It took the persistent and determined mountain climber three weeks to scale the mound, and br...
Read full story6 Life Lessons Your Professors Will Never Teach You In College
WARNING: This article lacks thematic unity, and it is not based on research. It contains grammar mistakes, illogical thought patterns, irreversible anger, iconoclastic nihilism, nihilistic iconoclasm, hyperactive thoughts, bad intentions, needless...
Read full storyGreta Thunberg Nominated For Several Awards
Greta Thunberg, the Swedish environmental campaign activist schoolgirl who has taken the world by storm by staring gloweringly into the faces of polluters and their stooges, has been nominated for several prodigious awards in relation to her 'work'.
Read full storyGreta Thunberg Will Peddle Swan Boat Back Across Atlantic.
Somewhere in Northern Mexico - After sailing to New York City in August, Swedish climate activist, Greta Thunberg, has been slowly making her way to Chilé for more climate talks, by pumping an old-fashioned railroad handcar across North America. With...
Read full storyMan Watching In The Night Garden going slowly mad
A man in Chutney On The Fritz can't sleep after watching ten episodes of In The Night Garden with his three-year-old son. 'I loved the first episode, but the Iggle Piggle got lost in the forest one night, and the Ninky Nonk couldn't find him. I co...
Read full storyMan looking forward to hearing Coldplay's next album
Gary Johnson, a 48-year-old married man from Chutney on the Fritz, has claimed that his highlight for the year is the release of Coldplay's new album. The circular music carrier, with an obscure neo-intellectual name, is set to hit the record empo...
Read full storyDolphin said that he won't be able to go swimming with Dave in Accounts
Stanley Bridgewater, a six-year-old Bottlenosed Dolphin, is today distracted that he missed, for the seventh time in a matter of days, the chance to go swimming with Dave from Accounts. Every Accounts department has a Dave, with a bad comb-over, i...
Read full storyShapeless House Dress Garment of Choice for Many American Women
Increasingly edging out workout clothes and sweatpants, the shapeless house dress has become the fashion garment of choice for American women who have had enough of fitted attire. "They're so easy," said Anna Partridge of Nashville, Tennessee, who...
Read full storyMan signs up to Nanowrimo for the seventh time
Gary Johnson, a 48-year-old from Chutney on The Fritz, has signed up to Nanowrimo for the seventh time, and is yet to even think about his novel. Chutney on the Fritz is a well-known bed of intrigue, bed-hopping and strange people at the library,...
Read full storyNew Sex Drug Stops Premature Ejaculation
SAN ANTONIO - Johnson & Johnson, makers of No More Tears, electrified the proceedings of the American Urological Association here yesterday by announcing the development of a drug that stops premature ejaculation in its tracks. That drug, dapoxe...
Read full storyGunpowder Plot Arrangements Coming Along Nicely
Plans to plant several tons of explosive materials under the Houses of Parliament in order to annihilate a 'full house' of members on Tuesday, are going well, and are on schedule, it has been rumoured. An unknown number of malcontents have been bu...
Read full storyThe Man's Guide To Surviving A Stent Removal
Did you know that if you have kidney surgery, the doctor will place an internal drainage tube called a stent in your ureter? Did you know that 6 weeks after the surgery, the doctor has to pull the stent out through your penis hole while you’re fully...
Read full storyMan Has Bought New Car
Cars aren't everyone's cup of tea, but one man who has been a strong enthusiast of all kinds of vehicles for more than fifty years, has been 'in the market' recently, and ended up buying a beautiful new green pickup truck. Moys Kenwood, 56, says...
Read full storyCubs embark on ambitious 100-year plan to bring World Series title back to Chicago
Following the dismissal of Joe Maddon last month and this week’s hiring of new skipper David Ross, the Chicago Cubs have positioned themselves brilliantly for a run at a World Series title in 2119. In Monday’s presser, Ross stressed accountability...
Read full storyHarry Maguire To Switch On Manchester Christmas Lights
There was good news for the shopping public of Manchester today, when it was announced that Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender, would be appearing 'in person' in the city centre on Thursday, 14 November, to switch the city's Christ...
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