Idiot buys wrong Iceland
International man of mystery and avoider of Twitter, Donald Trump, has made an offer to Iceland, to buy the favourite supplier of prawn rings instead of the country. Having been let down in his attempts to buy Greenland, the buffoon has bought Ice...
Read full storyPope Raises $$$s Selling Carbon Offset Indulgences
Rome, Italy - The Pope is reportedly making a bomb on the Vatican website through selling carbon offset indulgences to jet-setting eco celebs. These include voluntary donations to a holy carbon capture fund which guarantees safe RIPs to heaven in...
Read full storyIndividuals Above Certain BMI Cautioned Against Jaywalking
Jaywalking is not recommended for anyone, but it can be particularly hazardous for individuals above a body mass index of 25, was the warning recently issued by the City of Nashville. Said Mayor David Briley, "it's not so much the speed that's th...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Taking Up Too Much Column Space
There was controversy surrounding Manchester United's £80million newboy defender, Harry Maguire, this evening, when the player was adjudged by some people to have been taking up far too much column space in news pages, and to be 'hogging the limeligh...
Read full storyBury Burial Is On Friday
There was sadness all across Greater Manchester last night, after it was announced that the funeral of Bury F.C. is to take place this Friday, after the English Football League rules the organisation "unfit for purpose", and has it put down humanely.
Read full storyTrump: “The Very Good People I was Talking About After Charlottesville Were Actually Art Critics and Sculpture Enthusiasts”
Charlottesville, Virginia - Most of the right wing protesters and marchers who showed up in Charlottesville, Virginia in 2017 to attend a "Unite the Right" rally, were actually more interested in preserving antibellum sculptures and paintings than pr...
Read full storyGOP Expects Most Democrat Jewish Voters to Switch Parties After Trump Calls Them "Ignorant or Disloyal”
Washington - Even though over twice the number of Jews in the United States are registered as Democrats, as opposed to Republicans, the hierarchy of the Republican Party is cheering the news that President Trump has informed those Jewish Democrats th...
Read full storyArmy of Bikers with AR-15’s Sent by Trump to Conquer Greenland Forced to Return After Arctic Ice Disappears
Baffin Island - After Denmark refused to sell Greenland to the United States, and the U.S. Army decided to disobey Trump's order to invade the immense island in response, a large army of bikers loyal to the President left to cross Canada onto the icy...
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