Individuals Above Certain BMI Cautioned Against Jaywalking

Written by Chrissy Benson

Wednesday, 21 August 2019

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The mayor had this message for generously sized Nashvillians: "Stay safe, my plump friends. We care."

Jaywalking is not recommended for anyone, but it can be particularly hazardous for individuals above a body mass index of 25, was the warning recently issued by the City of  Nashville.

Said Mayor David Briley, "it's not so much the speed that's the issue: many of these folks are real hustlers. It's more that the body size is difficult for drivers in vehicles to gauge."

Mayor Briley emphasized that the standard motor vehicle warning that "objects in rearview mirror may be larger than they appear" is especially apt when it comes to high-BMI individuals.

The mayor concluded with a call to everyone, regardless of body type, to exercise common sense with regard to crossing a busy Nashville street.

"Even if you think you've got room enough to squeeze between two cars waiting at a red light, or even if you started a new Paleo diet and feel you've built some muscle mass, don't take foolish chances," he said. "That extra layer of padding won't help you much when you're hit by a Ram truck. Stay safe, my plump friends. We care."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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