April News Day: Libyan Foreign Minster Denied Diplomatic Immunity
LONDON - The UK government has stated that it will not allow Moussa Koussa UK immunity. However, he will be questioned over the 1988 Lockerbie Bombings. Some say his unexpected arrival is proof of a 'regime [that is] crumbling', but rebel leade...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Interview
Justin Bieber seems to attract nothing but love from pre-pubescent girls wherever he goes. His magnetic powers, however, attract the complete opposite online. Enter The Bieb's name into your Facecbook's search bar and "No wonder Justin Bieber's so pale, there's no sun in the closet" and "There are three genders: Boys, Girls and Justin Bieber" immediately grace your screen. The 'Justin Bieber Gi...
Read full storyPoint/Counterpoint: "I Think Libyan Rebels Needs Our Utmost Attention and Support" vs. "Jesus Christ, James, What the Fuck are You Doing on the Laptop?"
I THINK LIBYAN REBELS NEED OUR UTMOST ATTENTION AND SUPPORT by James Turner, 23 - Political Science student In Libya, the crisis affects everyone. If we let Gadhaffi take control, he will win, and we will lose. We must train the rebel alliance to fight for thier cause. Maybe we can keep a couple of NATO jets in the sky, just in case, but we should definetly arm and train the rebels. Som...
Read full storyAliens Keep Calling Earth For Chinese Take-away
Berkeley, CA. - As if their task wasn't difficult enough, technicians associated with the SETI Project are now being constantly bombarded by messages from aliens looking for Chinese Take away. "Our purpose is to look for intelligent life in outer...
Read full storyDavid Cameron Has Employed Peter Mandelson as a Media Advisor
David Cameron has secretly employed Peter Mandelson as a media advisor. The shock news comes after an extensive investigation that also reveals that David Cameron has a hidden secret that has left him open to blackmail. The appointment was made...
Read full storyDonald Trump all set for a total make-over on the final OPRAH show in May
Donald Trump has agreed to help Oprah make the final airing of her show to be extremely memorable. He has agreed to have a 'total make-over' including THE hair. Top stylist to the stars "Fabio deScizzario" has been chosed to restyle THE hair.
Read full storyBankers Earn More than Nurses - We know why
Hamburg, DE - An informal survey suggests that bankers earn more than nurses. Even the best nurses earn significantly less than a top banker on Wall Street. "This seems unfair" comments Laura E., night nurse at the Betsy F. Memorial Hospital in Ly...
Read full storyAdult Movie Producer Fined Over Failing To Provide Condoms To Protect Porn Stars
A pornographic film company has been fined $8,750 dollars for failing to protect its porn stars against disease by failing to provide condoms. The porn firm was found to have failed to protect its employees from blood and fluid excretions by Hea...
Read full storyLarry King Remembers Elizabeth Taylor, Not Much Else
Former talk-show host Larry King joined Elizabeth Hasselback and her other yenta-y co-conspirators on The View to remember his very, very dear friend, Elizabeth Taylor. "Even in her later years, Liz was remarkably beautiful," said the 114-year-o...
Read full storyDan Rather Among CIA Agents in Libya
A team of special CIA operatives that has infiltrated Libya includes an elderly American Hi Def TV reporter, Dan Rather. "We picked Dan for this assignment because of the great disguise he wore when he was on regular TV and posed as "Gunga Dan"...
Read full storyEddie Stobart Kicks the Truck
Truck-spotters will be in mourning today after hearing that Eddie Stobart, the transport magnate, has died. The Official Truck Spotting Club has said they will observe an hour's silence this Sunday to coincide with his funeral. They were originall...
Read full storyMoussa Koussa warns of April Fools Day plot to kill the Queen
London - The tit-for-tat revenge plot harks back to a 1996 MI6 spoof assassination scam, the former Libyan foreign minister told debriefers today. This was to rub out Muammar Gaddafi and replace him with another of the Queen's nasty little bastard...
Read full storyAliens invited to royal wedding!
An ex-airforce pilot and alien expert has claimed that the upcoming royal circus, i.e. wedding will be certainly visited by alien visitors. The ex-pilot, George Filer, who lost his marbles a long time ago whilst overdoing G-force training claims t...
Read full storyJesse Eisenberg To Do Voiceover For 'Geeky Blue Parrot'
Jesse Eisenberg has been type-cast as a nerd and true to form is going to do the voice of a 'geeky' blue parrot called 'Blu'. Blu, is a rare species of Blue Macaw and lives in a book shop in Moose Lake, Minnesota. The blue parrot is sent to Rio...
Read full storyChris Brown's New iPhone App Streams Music, Measures Punching Power
Now-C-list R&B singer Chris Brown --made famous by his platinum-selling self-titled album and for beating the sh-t out of his girlfriend, pop star Rihanna-- has found another way to earn money now that people only obtain his music through illegal...
Read full storySelena Gomez's Boyfriend Justin Bieber Thinking About Changing His Last Name To "Beaver" In Order To Get A Lot More Internet 'Hits'
TARZANA, California - Singing sensation Justin Bieber made a special promotional appearance at The Tarzan and Jane Petting Zoo in Tarzana. He was asked how his relationship with fellow singing sensation and girlfriend Selena Gomez was going. Justin did not miss a beat between signing his first name and last as he gave the reporter for iGossip a quick thumbs up. Taffeta Kixx with iGossip f...
Read full storyPrison officers protest privatisation prospects
Today it was announced that Birmingham prison would become the first privatised prison in the UK. The Prison Officers Union (POU) immediately declared the idea "out of order" and vowed to lock up the idiot who thought it up. Chairman of POU, Mao T...
Read full storyLead Thieves Strike in Burnley
SCRAP METAL thieves in Burnley are planning industrial action after police urged people to be vigilant. Thieves believe officers are investigating reports of the theft of lead from four porch roofs in Heather Bank and Rossendale Road. Lead wor...
Read full storyThe Airline Industry Has Decided To Raise Air Fares In Order To Buy A Better Grade Of Airplane Jet Fuel
CHICAGO - Speaking before an assembled group of news media the director of The United States National Passenger Aviation Alliance Sherman S. Turnbuckle, has stated that his agency has decided to raise ticket prices by 21 percent. Mr. Turnbuckle po...
Read full storyKylie's 'Aphrodite' World Tour
Pop legend Kylie Minogue has become a new gay icon after launching her gloriously 'camp' Aphrodite tour which features scantily clad men dressed like peacocks with feathers coming out of their 'derrieres'. By popular request from gay men a new 'Ky...
Read full storyBorden Non-Dairy Cow Herd to Halt Production of Non-Dairy Products!
Borden, Wisconsin - Today the world's only Non-Dairy herd of cows walked off the job on strike condemning Governor Walker's stand against Unions. This specialized herd of cows produces, non-dairy creamer, sweetened condensed milk, evaporated milk...
Read full storyEvolutionists refute evolution?
Radical reforms will be taking place shortly in schools throughout the world, due to the final acknowledgement that the theory of evolution is nothing more than a fairy tale, disturbingly, believed plausible by more adults than children. The 7 yea...
Read full storyHugh Laurie plays Charlie Sheen In Two and a Half Men
Hugh Laurie has played Charlie Parker in an episode of "Two and a Half Men". He tells a police officer that his niece won't be 'caught' shop-lifting again and that she is his favourite tax "write-off". Sheen has made an 'epic' deal and has organi...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen Has Agreed To Appear On "The Vampire Diaries"
LOS ANGELES - Charlie Sheen, aka "The Man Without A Show" has just agreed to appear on an upcoming episode of the very popular TV series The Vampire Diaries. The shows producer Manolo Middlezuck confirmed that he met with Sheen at a Tacos, Tacos,...
Read full storyComing soon - to a television near you: "Today in the Stocks"
The unexpected success of the Stocks , that quaint, almost primitive medieval instrument of ritual degradation that was erected recently in Newcastle in an experimental trial (now there's a pun, if you like one!) following intense pressure on HM Gove...
Read full storyA Six Pack of Wives & Family Values Lives: Gingrich & Trump on the Stump!
Newt Gingrich and Donald Trump held separate town hall meetings yesterday in Iowa. The purpose: To convince evangelical Christians that their past lives and many wives were perfectly consistent with family value voters. According to members of the national media that attended, Gingrich made no apologies for his past life. Gingrich: "Yes," and he paused, "I have loved my fellow human being...
Read full storyNew words enter Oxford English Dictionary, including the verb "sheen"
The Oxford English Dictionary has announced a new raft of words that have become acceptable for use in every day speech. Demonstrating his ability to use words himself, dictionary editor Professor Pip Datpost said he was "excited, ecstatic, deligh...
Read full storyBritney Spears denies being touched up
The public relations company for Britney Spears has denied that the pop songstress was touched up for the cover of her latest album, Femme Fatale. Appearing days after the photoshoot for the album cover on Letterman's show in America, the pop ido...
Read full storyDiaries of Jesus found in Jordan
A set of metal books, each 'page' no bigger than a credit card, have been discovered in Jordan. A flash flood 'miraculously' uncovered two niches in which the books were found. Some are still sealed. Now comes the question? Do we REALLY want to know if these are truly the Diaries of Jesus? What if he was a Spoofer of his day and the contents result in the crashing of Christianity and ot...
Read full story'It's not fair, he's got no legs', moan UK Athletes
The world of athletics is in turmoil as legless athlete, Oscar Pistorius runs what could be an Olympic qualification time. The debate goes on as to whether or not he should or shouldn't be allowed to enter alongside 'able-bodied' athletes, bearing in...
Read full storyBrettt Favre Can't Retire
New York, NY - He's been moving like a WalMart greeter for years. Now Brett Favre is one step closer to becoming one. In an ironic twist of fate, the man who's made a living out of announcing his retirement at the end of each football season, suddenl...
Read full storyApril Fools Day Joke Editor Sacked After Diary Mistake
The editor of a leading newspaper has been sacked after putting an April Fools Day joke on the front page of his newspaper...on the wrong day. The article went out today (31st March) and it caused confusion amongst the news reading population.
Read full storyPresident Obama Defends Action in Libya
CCN (Crazy Cal News) Washington - President Obama took to the airwaves yesterday to make a speech on his actions Libya. "Some nations may be able to turn a blind eye to atrocities in other countries. The United States of America is different.
Read full storyRadioactivity No Problem - Official
Prof Jacob Snot, from the Nuclear Energy watchdog 'Look the Other Way', sponsored secretly by the nuclear family, has been reassuring everyone that that there was no need to worry about radioactivity levels emanating from the Fuckin Nuclear Station i...
Read full storyClegg Defects to Libya
After days of rumour and speculation it has been announced in Tripoli that LibDem leader and Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg has defected to the Libyans The tale that Clegg had gone to Libya to broker a deal with Gaddafi was finally abandoned wh...
Read full storyBreasts and Speeches
Breasts and Speeches By Les Peter Patterson Jnr It's appropriate that Julia Gillard's speech tonight at the Gough Whitlam Inaugural oration would be happening straight after the New South Wales Election. The Labor Party are without a political narrative at both the state and federal level. Fair Dinkum was just watching it on ABC News 24 and I have to say Julia's breasts have more to say tha...
Read full storyAmerican Idol's Scotty McCreery Addresses The Rumor That He Is The "Love Child" of President George W. Bush
LOS ANGELES - One of the American Idol final eleven contestants has finally decided to come forward and address some rumors that have been floating around for a few weeks now. Scotty McCreery, 17, recently called a press conference and told the me...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars Allows Chris Brown, An Admitted 'Woman Beater' To Perform - Who Performs Next Week? O.J. Simpson?
LOS ANGELES - Some of the major entertainment media critics are wondering what in the world the producers of Dancing With The Stars were thinking about when they allowed Chris "The Temper Twit" Brown to perform not once, but twice on the 'results show' of DWTS. Do the shows 'suits' not read the newspapers, watch CNN, or listen To Oprah Winfrey? Last year right before their scheduled performance...
Read full storyMore International Players To Be Withdrawn From Clubs
Following Scotland rugby union coach Andy Robinson's decision to withdraw five of his squad from club games for the rest of the season, a host of football club bosses are set to follow suit. Its understood that West Ham's Avram Grant has asked Fab...
Read full storyPresident Obama Says His Goal Is To Capture Colonel Moammar Gadhafi And Force Him To Take 'Anger Management Asses Classes'
LAFAYETTE, Louisiana - President Obama was down in the Bayou State helping to crown this years "Miss Crayfish Cutey" of 2011. He told the crowd that had gathered at a Walmart parking lot, estimated to be about 78,000, including 27 ex-change students from Iraq, that other than getting more jobs for the American worker his goal is to capture Colonel Gadhafi and incarcerate him at New York's Sing...
Read full storyPrime Minister Loses Temper With Annoying Balls
The Prime Minister lost his rag during Prime Minister's Question Time in the Commons this afternoon. He was in the middle of answering a question on the Government's proposed reforms of the Welfare Benefits system when he advised the House that he...
Read full storyObama Sets Out Energy Future
US President Barack Obama has set out his short term energy forecast. In a speech in Washington today, the President predicted that he would start Thursday "full of beans" after going for his usual jog round the streets of the city from 05.00 to 0...
Read full storyObama Warns Canada Not to Interfere With Conflict
Pierre, SD - President Barracks Obama today again warned Canada not to interfere with the ongoing conflict between North and South Dakota. The two states have been at odds after both ended up having competing teams in the regional hockey finals. "...
Read full storyEllen Degeneres prepares vegan Easter costume for upcoming show
According to a militant animal rights website, talk show host and stand-up comedian, Ellen Degeneres is preparing a bunny costume for her talk show Friday, April 1, 2011. This costume happens to consist of none other than a scrumptious, health-co...
Read full storyCharlie "Showless" Sheen Is Negotiating To Purchase Wikileaks
SHERMAN OAKS, California - Charlie Sheen who up until recently was making an unbelievable $1.8 million a week for really doing nothing more than simply acting like himself on the hit comedy Two and A Half Men has made a big business announcement. Charles The Warlock from the Planet Winus has informed his maid, identified only as "Cuddles" that he is in negotiations to purchase Wikileaks. Cu...
Read full storyNuns In Cleveland Are Making A "Habit" Out Of Cussing Due To The Cavalier's Dismal 15-59 Record
CLEVELAND - Sports Territory Magazine is reporting that the good sisters of St. Pistachio, who are the most dedicated basketball fans in the entire Catholic Church, are starting to get a little bit carried away with their support for the hometown NBA...
Read full storySixth in a Series - H&R Block's Charman Richard Breeden To Get The F--k Out of Dodge
The single most dysfunctional U.S. tax preparer, H&R Block, has had it's executive-launching revolving doors spun open yet again: Hedge fund investor Richard Breeden will step down as its chairman and director at the end of the 2011 tax season.
Read full storyJudge Judy Hospitalized After Baby's Souls-Eating Accident.
UHF-station TV "Judge" Judy Sheindlin was hospitalized after eating "10 or 15 babies souls" during a party introducing her as Lucifer's heir-apparent to Hell. "She was to replace me," said Satan, the Dictator for Life of the inferno. "Until she ma...
Read full storyMariah Carey's Uterus To Star In Reality Series "Womb With A View".
While relentless CD-pusher Mariah Carey --pregnant with twins at 53-- will co-star in TruTV's new reality series "Womb With A View", it is her gestation trench that'll get top billing: Mariah's having cameras installed in her uterus. Doesn't Mariah k...
Read full storyAl Gore Cancels April Fools' Day for Planet Earth
Planning on playing a few tricks on April 1? Fuhgeddaboudit. That's the message from Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President, guardian of the planet, and inventor of the Internet. "Things are so bad in the world, there's nothing to laugh at thi...
Read full storySpace Capsule Lands on White House Lawn
Washington DC: President Obama was informed today that there was a crashed space capsule on the lawn of the White House. Federal officials cannot explain how this object went completely undetected by NORAD until landing and being found by the first d...
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