Written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 31 March 2011


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Dancing With The Stars Allows Chris Brown, An Admitted 'Woman Beater' To Perform - Who Performs Next Week? O.J. Simpson?
Chris Brown shown standing on a ladder replacing a lightbulb in his $3.4 million Detroit mansion. (Photo by Kanye West).

LOS ANGELES - Some of the major entertainment media critics are wondering what in the world the producers of Dancing With The Stars were thinking about when they allowed Chris "The Temper Twit" Brown to perform not once, but twice on the 'results show' of DWTS.

Do the shows 'suits' not read the newspapers, watch CNN, or listen To Oprah Winfrey? Last year right before their scheduled performance on the Grammy Award Show, Chris Brown went ballistic and beat his then girlfriend Rihanna pretty bad.

Photos on the Internet showed the next day that it looked as if the young attractive singer had gotten into a fight with a wolverine or a badger.

Her eyes were swollen, her cheeks had bruises, her hair looked like she had combed it with firecrackers, and her lips looked like they had been bitten by crazed woodpeckers.

And all that "Christine" Brown could say was that it appeared to him that Rihanna had slipped on her imported six-inch Italian stiletto heels.

He later said that he tried to catch her as she was falling but the sun got in his eyes (of course the chump must have forgotten that it was night time and the sun was somewhere on the other side of the world over in Outer Mongolia).

Men beating women is not a funny subject. But what is really wrong is when women hesitate to put the blame on the 'abuser.'

According to Captain Bartholomew W. Funkinweather of The Avocado Heights Police Department in Los Angeles many women will say that they caused the man (husband or boyfriend) to hit them because of something stupid that they said like how many points does a football team make when they kick and make a field goal.

Or how many points does a basketball team score when they make a 3-point shot.

Or how many lead singers did the 70s band Three Dog Night have? The answers to all three questions is of course three.

And to prove that he certainly has anger-management issues "Christine" Brown recently appeared on Good Morning America with "Red" Robin Roberts and he got so angry that "Red" Robin kept asking him about the Rihanna 'beating' incident that afterwards when he was in his dressing room he took a chair and threw it through the window.

The SOB jive ass punk is lucky that he did not hit an innocent person who just happened to be walking on the sidewalk below on their way to work or to school.

Brown not happy with that, then took a plate of chicken wings and poured them on the bed and then took a bottle of grape soda and spilled it all over the chicken wings on the bed.

Still not content with that, the spoiled brat bro took six packets of ketchup, opened up each one, and smeared the ketchup on the bathroom mirror. One of the maid's reportedly said that he had written the words 'I am da bling bling king' in ketchup.

New York City police detectives are investigating the matter and may be filing charges of Ipso Flagrante Assholitis Punkatosis Facto Per Diem.

One has to wonder if the producers of Dancing With The Stars are perhaps considering having O.J. Simpson make an appearance in one of the upcoming shows and read some of his funny lines from The Naked Gun movie series.

As long as the networks keep 'showcasing' these abusive 'bad boys' and giving them millions of dollars in free publicity they will continue to disrespect everyone and anyone.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more